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DartanganMcgee

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Posts posted by DartanganMcgee

  1. Posted

    The Avengers was the biggest blockbuster of summer 2012, but it was also the biggest box office bomb in the summer of 1998. This cinematic turd has long since faded from the public consciousness. I think it's time we revisit this trainwreck, and give it the lambasting it deserves. It stars Uma Thurman(fresh off of Batman and Robin) and Ralph Fiennes as british secret agents who team up to save the world from a senile Scottsman(played by Sean Connery) who can control the worlds weather. This already sounds like a rejected Bond movie idea, and it's as terrible as it sounds.

  5. Posted

    Either he was wanting to kill his career or he has the worst agent known to man.

     

    If I were him, I would have beaten my agent to death with my oscar. But, I guess at the end of the day Cuba could have said no to most of these bombs. Unless he, literally, didn't get offered anything besides parts as cripples, retarded guys, or over the top comedic relief. And that may very well have been the case. Adrian Brody's career crashed and burned in sort of the same way. I guess it's not all bad, they get to make straight to redbox movies with Christian Slater and Tom Sizemore for the rest of their careers!

  6. Posted

    This is the movie that officially killed the Cuba hype train I think. He did Men of Honor right after which was his last big lead role, but then he went on to make Pearl Harbor in a bit role, Rat Race, Snow Dogs, and Boat Trip, a truly perfect formula for failure that almost seems like Cuba was cherry picking roles that he knew would kill his career.

     

    Exactly, I feel like there could be an entire episode focusing on his poor career choices. Pretty much every movie you mentioned would be great fodder for HDTGM.

  8. Posted

    I actually do remember hearing about this movie. Isn't there some bomb that would freeze stuff if it goes off? And there's a train?

     

    Yep, that's the one. The bomb's code name is Elvis, which leads to all the retarded Elvis references throughout the film.

     

     

    Also, whoever names their child "Skeet" is just asking for trouble.

     

    Yeah, his parents really fucked him on that one.

  10. Posted

    Hey remember this movie, ...no? Exactly, it was one of the biggest bombs of 1999. Two soon to be has-beens( Skeet"I'm not Johnny Depp"Ulrich, and Cuba Gooding Jr.), in the movie that ruined their careers. It's too bad, they're so great together in this, their chemistry is reminiscent of Hope and Crosby. Just kidding, they're both terrible, and spend the movie spewing generic tough guy one-liners, and retarded Elvis references. Pretty much every attempt at humor falls flat. It's like they were trying to make die hard crossed with a buddy road trip comedy.

  11. Posted

    It would be great to revisit this over-hyped piece of celluloid feces that flooded the public consciousness with lame catchphrases. It would be great if Patton Oswalt and his brother Matt were guests. Patton has a great bit about the two of them seeing it together. It would also be interesting to discuss just what the fuck happened to Cuba Gooding Jr.'s career. So grab your zima and your chumba wumba cd's, we're headed back to the 90's.

  12. Posted

    I'm sure there is an adult film with the same title. Seriously though, between Peter Berg's performance in this film, and his directorial effort(or lack thereof) with Battleship, I'd say he's been given far too many chances in this business.

  13. Posted

    This would be amazing, it's such a great bad movie. The sequel is even better, Bon Jovi versus vampires! Seriously, who casts the leads in these movies. In the first one we get paunchy, lisping, middle aged James Woods as the lead vampire hunter. Who, by the way, wears a fucking leather jacket the whole movie(this was filmed in the new mexico desert). And then in the sequel they throw a Bon Jovi at us.

    • Like 1

  14. Posted

    Look at it this way - he could have replaced John Belushi with Jim Belushi. That really would have been the final insult.

    Good point, I feel like Jim Belushi started off as a growth on John's shoulder. Then, at some point, was surgically removed and set loose in the world.

    • Like 1

  17. Posted

    one of those didn't get better with time style right to cable tv movies.

     

    Yeah, it's sad to see aykroyd desperately relying on 20 year old material. This and Blues Brothers 2000 were his last two shots, and he really screwed the pooch on both counts. We can only hope nobody gives him the chance to make a ghostbusters 3.

  19. Posted

    A feature film based on a twenty year old comedy sketch. This must have been when Aykroyd began to realize that Ghostbusters 3 wasn't happening, and was forced to reach into the vault and rehash another one of his old ideas(we would be subjected to a terrible blues brothers sequel not five years later). It's been heartbreaking to watch him slowly slip into dementia, and start schilling vodka in skull bottles, while rambling about aliens. Aside from Aykroyd, this film is filled with a cavalcade of other funny people, who aren't really doing anything funny. Roger Ebert described this film as,"dismal, dreary, and fairly desperate", I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

     

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106598/

  20. Posted

    I was just thinking about this movie the other day. I had a realization, the plot of this film is very similar to the plot of breaking bad, their both about a disgraced chemist who's last resort is to make drugs for a psychotic drug lord(played by meatloaf). There's even a scene where Sam Jackson blows up meatloaf with a decoy batch of drugs( a la Walt vs. Tuco). Not to mention, Sam Jackson's patented party drug in the film is even known for it's blue color, just like Walt's meth on B.B. Maybe it's just me, but I definitely see some parallels.

    • Like 1

  22. Posted

    The title alone is pretty fuckin' ridiculous(and could be seen as somewhat racist), but hold onto your assholes, it gets worse. It stars Sean Penn and the dark succubus known as "Madonna" as star crossed lovers in Shanghai(let that marinate for a moment). He's a treasure hunter, she's a nurse seeking the healing powers of opium for her patients(yes, that is the actual synopsis). It cost 17 million dollars, and only grossed 2.7 million, and Madonna won worst actress at the razzies.

     

    The trailer:

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