VladALazerien

Sorry, my account was hacked. Just reset everything and it's ok now. I've deleted the 2 unauthorized tweets. Ugh.

I am removing my account if none of you come farward about this. http://t.co/PWfb1qRDqH

Coworker: "Can I reach around you and grab that rubber band?" Me: I've never been more relieved the hear the word 'band' in my life.

Dear @SNLorneMichaels: Now that Bill Hader is gone (sad I know) please hire @JAdomian. Trust me, no audition, just I-9 the shit out of him.

Roger Ebert Hails Human Existence As 'A Triumph' http://t.co/qR6X8Ial5h via @TheOnion

Guns Replaced with Thumbs-Up http://t.co/as4pQ1CGTU via @po_st

Photos of the week - Full Focus http://t.co/y71LK9FhEY

"Are there any elephants named Gerald?" -Me hiding behind quotes to tell a dumb joke a 3 year old kid that likes Jazz would make.

Bizarre Star-Shaped Gravity Waves Created http://t.co/VlUVzeOMoi via @LiveScience

Bus Transporting Carnival Cruise Passengers Crashes Into Sewage Treatment Plant http://t.co/4haDqJXi via @TheOnion

New study shows @EPAgov should suspend use of the #pesticide that's killing #bees. Take action now: http://t.co/opLYmfcJ

"Freaking Oprah is bringing it," said adult male in publishing industry Richard Dietsch (Sports Illustrated)

Q: Who said "Oh wait, was she a great big fat person?" Lance Armstrong or Buffalo Bill? A: Not Lance! #SilenceOfTheLance #LancesMind

'Disappearing' photographer captures his shadow | Photo Gallery - Yahoo! News http://t.co/NmCsW4QM via @YahooNews

Exclusive Supercut: Just the Amy and Tina Parts from the 2013 Golden Globes: http://t.co/ynvdJixa

My New Year's wish is for the Geico folksy bluegrass duo to be denied coverage when their speedboat collides with a bodybuilder.

Goodbye to the 2nd most popular copper coin: Canada To Begin Phase Out of the One Cent Coin Next Month http://t.co/atFCos1i

Departing Space Station Commander Provides Tour of Orbital Laboratory: http://t.co/TDYs7U5k via @youtube

You May Not Recognize Yourself in 10 Years http://t.co/4WR8MzbH via @LiveScience

Listen to Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins - Lincoln: http://t.co/w5sYgzuO via @Earwolf

Read the British translation of Ray Bradbury's book 'Celsius 232' #2013Resolution

First experience of 2013: My cat sneezing on my feet. No, no, future, I much prefer this to a jetpack.

2013: just tried my first shot of Malort. Jesus H. St. Christopher Hitchens! I enjoyed it. Nothing left but now but liver & onions for me...

Forecast for tonight's Times Square balldrop has a 100% chance of lightning strike due to Seacrest quickening #Highlander #DickClark

Italian art historians 'find 100 Caravaggio paintings' via @Telegraph http://t.co/iZuMcKJb