tonidanza

.@AaronSorkin hey bro touche on writing this season's eleciton! Ep1 'Sleepy Prez' was a total curve, Ep2 'Biden Time' floored me!

.@BarackObama Your dick brother-in-law just cheated and beat us...I expect you to fix this immediately if you want my vote

A cool black guy just walked into the coffee shop I'm at! We're up to one cool black guy now!

Across the country clever-hipsters are feverishly racing to produce the silliest binder of women trapper keeper covers #GodsWork

As a preventitive measure for skipping school I plan to show my children "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" then a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker

Currently working on a character called "gay nazi" who wears Ugg boots because he thinks they're kampfy

Definitely just saw King Jaffe Joffa's butler! #Oscars #Nmumba

Degobah= Yoda's home planet, Dego Bah= Italian Bistro in South Boston

Do you guys think Kanye West goes too far sometimes?...it seems like he has a lot of outfits

Does anyone know what the gestation period of a Snooki is?

Dont care what religion, sexual preference, or political affiliation you are but if you say "ma-tour" instead of "mature" go fuck urself

Everyone knows that Lincoln hunted vampires while in office but did you also now he ended slavery! #TMYK (shooting star)

Fun cooking tip: Saute your onions w/ ether, ask the elephant standing next to you to help w/ the sauce, stir w/ scooter periscope

Hey guys, so http://t.co/wFGFz6VI is available...does anyone know anything about fashion or quirkiness?

I am 0-26 on "Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Let's say it at the same time on the count of 3"

I'm half my dad and half my mom and 100% have a pe-gina

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, & quacks like a duck, it probably takes u too long to determine when something is a duck or not

Is that a boner in your pocket or am I just bad at sexual euphemisms?

it's probably super hard to vent to evil villains

Its weird to watch the best actor nominees come up and not hear the name Penn called...better luck next year Kal #Oscars

Jewless Joe Jackson (he also didn't have Jews)

Just found out 'Jersey Boys' is a musical and not what gay people call NFL players

Just want to reiterate I would never have unconsensual sex with a koala

Making a biopic on the play "Our American Cousin", gonna skip all that fluff Lincoln nonsense & get straight to the cousin on cousin stuff

Need some startup cash for a new religion/someone who's good at sound effects