PlanBFromOuterSpace

2004 Van Damme had a pretty glorious mullet though, didn't he? I haven't seen this movie in forever, so I don't remember exactly, but was 1994 Mia Sara all "Who are you?" in a legit "who is this stranger before me" way, or was it "Who are you?" in a playful "Oh, you're fuckin' right I know who you are, but God damn, that hair just made you a million times more fuckable in a She's All That, a movie that won't be invented for 5 more years, 'just taking off the glasses to reveal the hotness inside' kind of way" manner?

Hmmmm, for me it went from "Long Wait" to "Seriously, dude, just buy it. It's only like four dollars".

Doesn't this one take place in Jamaica or something? I think I've seen it.

I saw it a few months ago and liked it a lot. The behind-the-scenes extras on the DVD are really worth checking out to see just how much they stretched that budget, and I'm sure I'll check the movie out again if it's streaming now.

For a second, I confused this with the Duff Sisters' "Material Girls". It was one of those movies where rich folk lose their money and are forced to interact with normal people and do normal things, which means that they act like complete retards. For instance, they've never done dishes, but the way they act, you'd swear they'd never SEEN dishes. I never saw more than the trailer and a few snippets here and there, but I think I remember there being a mishap with an ironing board...

It's well known that Benson and his crew toke up before a show, which didn't work out well for him here, because if he listened to this podcast at all, he would have known that the HDTGM bunch is ALL about meth. He should have planned accordingly.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was released in the Philippines as "Leonard Part 7".

The first AVP created that whole "Predators and Aliens have been coming here for CENTURIES" mythology that was just bonkers. It's like, hey, we just want to see these things kicking each other's asses, but they decide that there needs to be some big backstory involving the Predators being responsible for creating and then destroying all of these ancient civilizations. Fortunately, "Requiem" didn't give a shit about any of this, but even with the higher body count and all the gore, it was too little too late. Like the guy above me said, no one came out of this looking good, and you're not given much of a reason to give a shit about anyone or anything.

Oh, and how about when I was watching RE5 tonight, it felt like it took forever to get through even though the movie itself minus the ridiculously long end credits is barely 80 minutes, but when I got home, I threw my "Titanic" Blu-Ray on in the background, and I don't know where the hell the last three and half hours went.

The second I start having to pay to watch new movies, I am DONE with this series, but tonight, I checked out the latest installment, "Resident Evil Flaming Hot Bullshit". It's quite LITERALLY a video game movie, complete with objectives that must be completed in pre-rendered environments, boss battles, people being able to carry a ridiculous amount of shit and pull it out of nowhere (There's nothing ON her back, what are those guns connected to?!?!?!), unlimited continues, a handy map that keeps popping up, and costumes that make NO sense for the setting that are there only because they were in the game. Highlights include: A super computer that speaks commands TO itself, for the benefit of no one else in the movie! It will say something like "Prepare Tokyo exercise", and then it will prepare the Tokyo exercise on it's own. I felt like this movie needed Sigourney Weaver there to just repeat what the computer says. A bad guy that so, SO wants to be Val Kilmer! I mean, who can blame him, right? But really, if this movie was made 15 years ago, this guy would have been played by Val Kilmer, and it would have been TREMENDOUS. An opening scene that plays out in reverse, in slow motion, followed by Milla Jovovich giving us a five minute long recap of the events of the first four films, accompanied by a "Rocky IV"-level montage, and followed by that opening scene again, only playing forward! After getting knocked out in the opening, we're treated to Milla waking up in Zack Snyder's "Dawn of the Dead", which goes horribly until she wakes up AGAIN in the bad guy headquarters! I expected her to wake up three or four more times. We're shown how at the end of the last film, Milla was de-powered, but she spends the entire film doing the exact same shit she'd been able to do before (which everyone else can do too), only for someone to shoot her up with some shit later on and say something like "As a token of my appreciation, I've given you your powers back". Huh?!?!? Please, there has to be someone else that's going to see this by the end of the weekend. It's hard to explain just HOW ridiculous many of the aspects of this film are with people that haven't seen it

Oh, the movies are dumber than shit, and none of them seem to make that much more than the ones before them here in the U.S. at least, but they've been cleaning up internationally. Any time people start doing the "American audiences have shitty taste, and they're what's wrong with movies today" bullshit, I like to point out that it's not US that make these things so successful. The last Resident Evil movie did a series high 60 million domestically, and then made a RETARDED 240 million internationally. That's fucking crazy for something that looks like it could have gone straight to video. The production values on this new one are much better, but it still has all the same problems. It's like when you have a shitty guitar player, and rather than try to get better, he just spends more money on pedals and effects. It still sounds like shit. LOUDER shit. Speaking of loud shit, the movie "2012" did a perfectly fine 166 million here, but pulled in a jaw-dropping 600 MILLION internationally. Yeah, it's Americans that will watch anything...

You know what was made in Vancouver that was pretty awesome? "The Grey". I just finally saw that today. See, you luck out once in a while.

Thing with "OogieLoves" though (and with "Creature" as well) was that it was a bad idea from the start, like there was no WAY it was going to be successful as a theatrically-released film, no matter how much money was thrown at it. It took a lot of time, money, and effort to fuck themselves as badly as they did. Sure, the stakes are higher when it comes to big blockbuster fare, but it's going to make it's money back somehow, whether it's through international sales, home video, TV, etc., and when a Tom Cruise movie underperforms, it's not putting anyone out of business (unless of course it KEEPS happening). The companies that put out shit like "OogieLoves" and "Creature" should have set their sights considerably lower, maybe use the money that it would have taken to promote a theatrical release into getting some other projects off the ground, build up a good foundation and some goodwill instead of putting all their eggs in one basket.

I read an article last week where one of the people at the studio that put out "OogieLoves" responded to all the press about it being the WORST opening ever for a wide release film. In it, he says something like "How come if Julia Roberts or Cameron Diaz are in a bomb, no one makes THAT big of a deal about it? What about Zoozie?". First, no one knows what a fucking Zoozie is. Second, I'm pretty sure that this Zoozie creature (short for Pazuzu?) doesn't have a Steven Soderbergh film or a big ensemble romantic comedy in her future to fall back on. Having a giant creepy-as-all-fuck felt puppet head tends to limit one's options...

Ah yes, "Volcano", the most heavy-handed social commentary in a disaster movie ever, at least when it comes to disaster movies NOT directed by Roland Emmerich, which actually places this in sixth or seventh place...

I don't understand why I can never get pictures to post right. Hmmmmm....

Why yes, I DO live by myself. You have to admit though, it's WAY classier than dogs playing poker...

Yeah, "Creature" was hot garbage. We had it at our theater last year, and it lasted all of a week, because I don't think the distributor could afford to keep it out any longer if they wanted to. Most of the people that saw it were employees. "Creature" had some pretty great tits on display, but they were like 80's slasher movie tits that belonged to current and future nobodies, but unlike "Friday the 13th" or "Nightmare on Elm Street", I don't think we're going to see these girls pop up/pop out way past their primes in any documentaries 10-20 years down the road talking about "how fun it was" to make those movies. In the case of "Creature" and "OogieLoves", I wonder how many more projects those companies could have financed if they didn't push these things so hard? Even if they would have gone straight to video or cable, at least they wouldn't have been in the hole from all the marketing and distribution costs. Holy shit, "OogieLoves" should be the Halloween movie! It's LITERALLY a nightmare factory.

Part 6 is my favorite installment of the series, but it's not even near the top of the list as far as HDTGM-worthy films in the series. This WAS the first appearance of zombie Jason though, which probably made the premises of the rest of the films in the series possible: Part 7: Jason vs. a teenage psychic! Part 8: Jason takes Manhattan! Or Toronto. In any case, it took 2/3 of the film to get there. I have the original poster for this one signed by Kane Hodder and hanging in my kitchen. Part 9: Jason Goes from being crazy masked killer to FORCE OF NATURE. A lot of body jumping, books of the dead, magic daggers, and Jason ultimately going to Hell! Part 10: Jason in space. Yeah. That said, this movie was MADE for How Did This Get Made, which is pretty incredible, considering the movie's been around about a decade longer than this podcast. It takes place in the future though, so if anyone would know...

If we didn't burn "OogieLoves", we're not going to burn this. Hell, product placement and branding? That's what we're all ABOUT.

I think the Mod Squad movie still hadn't been out by this point, but that thing was DOA when it hit in '99 or so.

Holy SHIT, maybe you guys need to start using captcha or whatever, because this site is getting hammered with SPAM quite a lot lately. It's pretty ridiculous.

Oh jeez, if you would have waited another year, you probably could have snatched that up at one of Blockbuster's going out of business sales for like a dollar I never understood, how can they charge you so much more than what the actual item cost? Of you COULD find a copy online, they wouldn't just call it even or something?

I can imagine the conversation that the director had with the costume designers: "Just wrap a bunch of shit in stereo cables! Power Gloves and RCA jacks are the way of the future! This is gonna be so fuckin' rad..."

If I remember correctly (and I probably don't, seeing as how I saw this once or twice about 20 years ago...), wasn't this like "Rocky IV" with guys in giant robots?