wyldride

I know: They can prove it's yours w/a DNA test and then you're up sh-- RT @saraschaefer1 it's not just a women's issue

I love when they do that song in a medley with Smells Like Teen Acne. RT @NikkiGlaser WHO DOES TEEN ACNE?! http://t.co/sn4uzv0D

Only the retired pirates. RT @morgan_murphy do you think old people get booty calls at 4pm?

Happy b--Oh, right. RT @TheDaniStew Btw I'm 129 today!

Guys in LA don't know that they're missing. Maybe you need a sizzle reel to show them. RT @TheDaniStew someone should be fucking me tonight

"All the boys think she's that guy, she's got--Matthew Perry eyes" RT @NikkiGlaser "She's got Matthew Perry eyes"

If U have appendicitis, U get an appendectomy. Tonsillitis? A tonsillectomy. So, if U have gingivitis, do U get a gingivectomy? #wondering

They just shaved the hanger to make it look bigger. RT @alysiawood Just saw Boeing's new #dreamliner. It's... Just... HUGE.

I couldn't be more supportive of breast cancer research&awareness, but really BC? Pink wrist bands with orange pants? That's just wrong.

I know a little German. He's in the movie Top Secret where I stole this joke from. RT @iliza Does anyone on here speak German?

That's it: I'm starting a fantasy stand up league. RT @iliza r u talking about fantasy football

Well it is a renewable resource. RT @aprilmacie I operate on spite

Just as long as it's not tidally locked -- It limits the composition of the shots. RT @oliviawilde her head looks like my head's moon

A beach photo as 1st base? So, reaching on a fielder's choice -- At best. RT @jennifersterger it's just 1st base

Here you go: http://t.co/cbf9BEv0 RT @justmyca Ooo someone find me a secret prince

Also "into me" & "across me" & "to me" RT @saraschaefer1 you forgot ‘over me’ as a third option “@KimKardashian: Run with me or run from me”

I wonder: Do dietitians take the Hungry, Hungry, Hippocratic Oath? RT @WendyLiebman And take the Hippocratic Oath

These would be the guys you'd sleep with while celibate? Hmm ... RT @jenmurphycomedy In hopes the guys I sleep with will stop hating me

Then you'll be a Tesla Girl: http://t.co/GNk7X3Mg RT @alydenisof My Tesla S can't get here soon enough!

Just you and the owls. RT @WendyLiebman I'm on the "Who? Who?" list

Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood: http://t.co/wI1mrrKf RT @SaraUnderwood trying 2 get my extraterrestrial back home http://t.co/keNHEjAN

Happy Global Circumference Underestimation Day

You'd think there's be a word for that role. RT @NikkiGlaser Every new Muse song is about Kate Hudson

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! RT @xplay Star Wars and Angry Birds might be teaming up. What do you think of the combo?

I liked a @YouTube video http://t.co/FwKgSjOj Iliza Kisses Blanche