klemjohansen

A glimpse of stocking was once considered shocking. These days it takes around 2,000 volts.

Funliars is the title of Malcolm Gladwell's new book about people who basically bullshitted their way to the top in an affable way. The last chapter is a short autobiography. Also, oh, snap. Oh, no I did not.

Maybe I've told this story before but I don't/can't care. I saw Weird Al in 1983 when I was 13, my first concert. I took my daughter to see him a few years ago, her first concert. My son is now thirteen and I'm taking both of them to see him in Indy in May. It will be his Al-mitzvah. "Today you are a weirdo." My daughter is getting ready to go off to college next fall, and it suddenly dawned on my wife that the only concert she's ever been to is Weird Al-- twice -- with her dad. That's not likely to win her any cool points, she wondered. I think she's wrong, though. My guess is that having seen The Vicar of Yanks twice will endear her to those who are genuinely interesting people. Screw being cool, kid. You're weird. Cool fades after your twenties. Weird lasts forever.

Buddy Valastro: "This wedding is noncanonical!"

Cloud fangs is my spirit guide.

"I have a wig in the car" is the least surprising thing Andy Daly could possibly say. When I imagine him tooling around LA, I can't help but think of four or five different wigs in the back seat along with a handful of false mustaches and a few beards. You never know when you're going to need to re-enter a 7-11 in disguise to ask about the new logo. Be prepared.

How you weigh, bro?

To imply that most folks can't tell the brothers apart is blatantly Sklarist.

Winsome can come back to the cave once he takes that sixth level improv class at the UCB (which used to stand for Unshaven Cave-dwellers Band).

"Vaginas that talk would make a better movie..." In a world of art factories that produce giant album covers for some reason and penis-headed mural ladies comes a story of a man and a dream he didn't even know he had- until fate stepped in. Her name is Accountia, the business muse, and she's broken free of Mt. Tronlympus to shake things up down on earth. Starring this guy: Sonny: "Here's my idea for a business plan... vaginas that talk." ... and a special appearance by Olivia Newton John on FUCKING ROLLER SKATES! Accountia: "Is this a product people buy or is it like a restaurant or maybe a theme park?" Sonny: "I don't know. Why not all three?" Music cue: ELO "Twat You Say?" A gynecological musical comedy coming this summer, rated PG-13

You know that guy who's constantly waffling about whether to go back to school to get his MBA? He's about to get visited by ONJ!

How many times a day do people come up to Mulaney and congratulate him for his turn as the chemist from The French Connection?

MuseMuse Muse to the power of muse. June just cracked the fucking code.

"There are eight Xanadu's happening." I will totally write drafts for 7 simu-sequels ASAP

Scotty A's hot new R&B slow jam drops next week: "Moms and Dads Keep Fucking (Twice A Year Mommy And Daddy Have Sex)"

Michael Beck was in Warriors. *clicks bottles together* come out and pla-ay!

Gone-ariah Girl

"Giraffe... giraffe... ... GIRAFFE! GIRAFFE! HARDER! GIRAFFE!! OH, GOD GIRAFFE!!!!"

Little known fact: Christmas was originally known as Murder Day before the church decided to move the celebration of Christ's birth to capitalize on the wildly popular homicide-themed holiday.

I feel like a moron. Why is it significant that the bomb counts down from 1994?

Imagine Can't Stop the Music with a weird Greek mythology vibe and you pretty much have it. Studio execs were like "hey, Grease was huge- lets get the guy from Warriors and put everything on rollerskates! We cannot possibly lose!"

RU Talking sqUeeze2 2 me?

The journaling scenes in this movie cannot hold a canlde to Wynona Ryder's aggressive journaling in Heathers, monocle and all. She practically turned it into an extreme sport worthy of its own event in the X Games.

Airhooooorn air-air-airhoooooorn!