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Everything posted by klemjohansen

  1. Scotts aren't kidding about the legal requirements about the literal truth of album names. Though most people don't realize it, How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb includes instructions on how to defuse a nuclear warhead on a hidden track. However, these instructions do not cover how to dismantle it entirely. There was a short-lived court case a few years ago over this imbroglio. U2 settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.
  2. klemjohansen

    Episode 274 β€” Oh, Golly!

    Hell's org chart Don Demillo | Golly | Chip Gardner | ------------------ Everyone Else
  3. klemjohansen

    Episode 274 β€” Oh, Golly!

    SPOILERS: Scott and Jason were Bruce Willis the whole time!!
  4. Most popular titles on Netflix.de: NatGeo Presents: Scarebags Der Kraftwerk Mader's Day Special Jeff Dunham "Controlled Chaos" Haus of Kards
  5. klemjohansen

    Episode 83 β€” Winter's Tale

    Today on How Did This Get Written - the entire Dan Brown bibliography. Paul: "Whoa. Holy shit, guys. I don't even know how to get started on this one." Jason: "Guys. Guys. This is garbage. Insult your intelligence while finger-banging your mom garbage." June: "I ... I kind of loved it."
  6. Journal of the American Metal Association
  7. klemjohansen

    Episode 272 β€” Sex Party Season

    Dear Diary, I spent the weekend being a vampire again. It was glorious. My new friends and I played a thumb piano gig at an old person sex party, as you do. As the elderly flesh-knot writhed and groaned, we rocked out for more than two hours, mostly Styx covers. If you haven't heard "Lady" transposed to West African tonal structures, then you haven't lived. What am I saying? I'm no longer living. El oh el! I'm really getting used to this new life, and I'm loving it to quote Mr. Brooks. Diary, at long last I feel like I've found a place where I truly belong. I'm so glad I was bitten by that Harvard educated vampire. My former friends from the mortal realm continue to claim that I'm not a vampire at all, just coming down from a three-day molly high with some college goth kids, but we both know they're just jealous. They won't respond to my texts, but it's possible they can't see them because I'm a vampire and also mirrors and stuff. More later, Diary. I can't wait!
  8. klemjohansen

    Episode 272 β€” Sex Party Season

    At Vampire Weekend Academy I'm working on a BA in thumb piano.
  9. klemjohansen

    Episode 272 β€” Sex Party Season

    I think it's more of a sign of solidarity with Bob Costas and Gloucester from King Lear. I am Sparticus!
  10. Satanic proselytizing is the best. Ding dong. Hello? Yes, good afternoon, ma'am. I was wondering, have accepted the grace and peace of Satan into your life? No. I'm a christian. Well, I'm sorry to hear that you've been deluded in this way. You know, when Satan returns to our earthly realm and demands proof of loyalty, I certainly hope you'll be able to say that your mind was turned today toward the pure divine darkness of the Beelzebub, Lord of the Pit. No. No. Get out. I think you misunderstand, ma'am. You see, the beauty of Satanism is that it frees you up to do whatever you want. Whatever I want? Can I work on cabinets? Of course. If carpentry is your thing, I can't imagine any creed preventing you from- No, I mean _work_ on _cabinets. *wink* Oh, I see. I'm suddenly very uncomfortable. I'll leave these pamphlets behind for you to read at your leisure. Hail satan! *door slam* Hail satan.
  11. klemjohansen

    Episode 271 β€” Tiny Little Boy Parts

    Molly (Merideth) uses a nicotine-based CPAP system so she can smoke all night. She makes it sound like it's no big deal, but that kind of thing takes real dedication. She and Joe Jackson are at the top of Tobacconist Magazine's "most dedicated smokers" list for ten years running.
  12. Around 1:23:00, John touched on what could have been a wonderful opportunity for the CrΓΌe to play an accountants' convention in their declining years. "He's the one they call Dr. Flowchart. He's the one to crunch your num-bers."
  13. klemjohansen

    Episode 167 β€” Slope Style

    I request Imagine Dragons change their name to Imagine A More Interesting Band.
  14. klemjohansen

    Episode 19 β€” Adam DeVine, Our Close Friend

    Javier Bardem at the skate park. "Can your friendo do an endo?"
  15. Love the episode but having written a book nobody wants to read, it cuts me to the quick.
  16. klemjohansen

    Episode 1402 - Adam Scott

    "It's 'apartment X.' Apartment 21b is my slave name." - Adam Scott's apartment in his 20's.
  17. klemjohansen

    Episode 81.5 β€” Minisode 81.5

    Take that shit to the Indoor Kids!
  18. Few people know this, but in his life Michael was abused by Joe Jackson- not his father but the acerbic British singer. Joe: "Michael, tonight I'll be stepping out and stepping on your face. I'm the man who will be breaking you in two. I'm gonna go beat crazy on your ass. More song titles." Michael: "Hee hee?"
  19. klemjohansen

    Episode 164.5 β€” 1/24/14 TWO CHARTED 103

    Target was selling button down shirts with tiny anchors on them. They look like an island of summah in a world of -20F wind-chill non-summah.
  20. If you don't like "Bass Ass Bitch," I'd say that you're a suppressive person. And I would say that one thousand times in a row.
  21. klemjohansen

    Episode 164 β€” My Demons High

    Kulap's got demons, and they're total stoners.
  22. klemjohansen

    Episode 163 β€” A Squirmy Squirmy

    47:02 - If there's nothing new under the sun, there's one thing left to do: look ABOVE the sun. There has to be something new there, but you will probably be blind at that point and will be unable to appreciate it. IRONY.
  23. klemjohansen

    Episode BO2013.3 β€” Best of 2013 Pt 3

    Cue the Pete Holmes gafaw loop from the last few Tom Scharpling sound collages.
  24. klemjohansen

    Episode 262 β€” 2013 Holiday Spectacular

    Here's something I always ask as soon as someone begins speaking with me: "Is this conversation canonical?"
  25. "My Mother is Lorne Michaels" is going to be the break-out hit sit-com of 2075