klemjohansen

#porninthenews - "They're Cummin' For Our Guns" #guncontrol

http://t.co/q65riYH0 is down due to Sandy. In the meantime, how will I know if Dan Abrams said or did something?

"Or else" is my number one or number two favorite two-word vague, unsupported threat.

"That's great. It starts with an earthquake. Birds, snakes and airplanes." - Dec. 21, 2012

"Think I went through a barrier on the Underground without my Oyster doing its thing. What happens now?" last known words of @Glinner

“Where Have All The Rude Boys Gone?” by Ted Leo and The Pharmacists is my new jam. http://t.co/efO5S1ylrJ

10 times out of 10, when someone says "do the right thing" they have a clear definition of what that is: something they don't plan on doing.

80's sci fi set design. Lesson 1.- Take a normal qwerty keyboard.- Glue it to the wall.- Take a long lunch. You earned it.

A trick-or-treater just reached into our candy bowl then whipped out his phone and wrote a nasty Yelp review for our house. Ouch. #halloween

A very special "Special Special Special," @mariabamfoo. Your parents are adorable.

A virtual doff of the cap to @PFTompkins for doing the inconvenient thing by taking a stand in a funny way & risking losing listeners/fans.

All across the world, people are celebrating Fat Tuesday. Here in America we call it Tuesday.

Am I a bad person for not being laid low by Sunday's #gameofthrones? I just kept saying "Arya's gonna kill ALL them muthafuckas!" over&over

Am I nuts or is Julie Hagerdy aging exceedingly well? I know those aren't mutually exclusive but you get the idea.

Amazon loves to sell my purchase information to advertisers. I just wonder how much $ they waste trying to selll me something I just bought.

An analogy: "We will vote tonight to pass plan B" is to #fiscalcliff negotiations as "hey, y'all, watch this!" is to home movies.

And the gold medal for weirdest tourism-themed musical goes to... Great Britain#OlympicClosingCeremony

Anne is calling the principal tomorrow and straighten this out. That other boy was mean to her boy! #debate

Apparently "We're going to cover the controversy" means "We're going to copy/paste shit from the Internet and go home early." Congrats, CNN!

Arrested Development - since Showstealer Pro doesn't seem to exist, it's clear that the watermark is a joke. Relax, nerds.

As if any of us needed more proof of just how awesome Leonard Nemoy is. I still sleep with his poetry book under my pillow.

At 8:45 the new jobs report considered "disappointing" and by 8:54 the report "beat forecasts." Dear News, should I be happy or sad?

Be prepared... to delay difficult choices. #bsa

Being a tandem centaur sounds awesome, as long as I'm the front one. Otherwise, it's a cryptozoological deal-killer.

BREAKING NEWS: Giant new phone that won't fit in your pocket is still not an iPhone.