DanielNash
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Everything posted by DanielNash
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Even though they're kind of a punchline in themselves, I have to admit I have a soft spot for the Resident Evil series. They don't put the most thought into story, plot, or generally making sense, but they're usually a hell of a good time (and much easier to swallow if you think of each movie as an episode in an ongoing serial, and not a standalone product). That was until I saw the fifth movie, Retribution, in the theater this fall. Somehow, in a series that has made more and more money with each sequel, this movie manages to look like it had a production budget of about $50. The plot is off-the-wall bonkers: this is a movie where things happen just because, with nary an earned plot development in sight. During scenes in the middle of the movie, I wondered why everything was taking so long; by the time the credits rolled, I wondered why the movie had only felt 20 minutes long. Such was the magic of this movie's shittiness. A rich and pulsing vein of WTF.
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I just think this movie has it coming.
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I know, I know. I suspect my opinion belongs to a tiny minority, but The Blind Side just grates on me. Movie-Mike Oher was way too dimwitted considering real-life Mike Oher comes off as a normal guy, Sandra Bullock was a tad too self-satisfied, the "protective instinct" scene was a tad too sappy, and the "I'm a Democrat!" joke was a tad too focus-grouped toward red state moviegoers. I've never seen Radio. Is it as bad as they say?
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I'm going to make just one more argument for Carrie 2 (because I rewatched it last night and heard the Batman comments in the Barb Wire podcast today). The sanitarium in the movie is called Arkham, which confirms what I've always suspected: The Dark Knight lives in the Stephen King universe.
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...also, it co-stars the oldest brother from Home Improvement. If that's not a mark of quality, I don't know what is.
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The Rage: Carrie 2. It opens with a woman being institutionalized for painting her house red, and the climax involves a football star being harpooned in the junk.
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Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
DanielNash replied to chunkytehgooch's topic in Bad Movie Recommendations
If the show did an episode about this movie, they would have to change its name to 'How Did This ABSOLUTE SLICE OF AWESOME Get Made?' -
Noooooo... Someone actually made this?!?! This may be the worst movie I will watch title-to-credits.
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Oh yeeaaah, didn't that movie kind of mark the ass-end of '60s-70s adventure show movie-remakes? Not that those have stopped completely but there was a streak of them, and I think The Avengers was the one where folks' nostalgia ran out. Literally the only scene I remember from that movie is a robot flying over a lush country road.
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Ha! I think I watched this movie out of order over three-to-five viewings when it was making the rounds on Cinemax 10 years ago. I remember liking it a lot; very twisted.
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YES. I remember being so excited for this movie, and then being SO disappointed.
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Oh man, yes. This movie. No reasonable plot, just an excuse to have cartoon titties on screen for 80 minutes.
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The Happening - (it's never happening, but talk about it if you want)
DanielNash replied to temjeito's topic in Bad Movie Recommendations
I think that's just Mark Wahlberg's face. -
OMG, the writing on this movie... I don't know what it was precisely--maybe it was just a poor screenplay adaptation from the book that left too many subplots in--but it just felt so loooong. And it was only 90 minutes.
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I also had trouble buying Cillian Murphy as a 27-year-old, as much as I like him as an actor. At the same time, I was surprised Mark Wahlberg didn't jump all over this movie for the chance to play another clearly-younger-than-his-actual-age character.
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I remember watching this movie, reaching the part where JT explains the arm wrestling thing his dad did, and thinking, "Wait... Do poor people just kill each other for sport in this movie?"
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Success! I just found an archived copy of the Batman: Year One screenplay: http://leonscripts.users5.50megs.com/scripts/BATMANYEARONEscript.htm
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Not even up for debate. This movie definitely belongs on the show.
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It's basically Batman: Year One combined with the changes I already mentioned.
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I wish it were available to read too, but Arrinofsky said it's still possible after the Nolan trilogy wraps up -- last year he said he's working on a graphic novel version to act as a backdoor pitch. The closest thing available is this archived script review: http://web.archive.org/web/20050111012802/http://www.dc-on-film.com/batman/scriptreview_frankmiller_yearone.php
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Not to mention it's failure saved us from any of the INSANE fifth-movie screenplays in development. There was one where Joker's daughter would have fought Batman, one where he retired and then came out of retirement to fight the Man-Bat, another one with Superman (and, I'm sorry, but I don't think a big screen Superman/Batman crossover will ever be done right). Even Darrin Arinofsky's vision for a reboot was crazytown bananapants: Batman as a feral homeless man assisted by a wise black mechanic named Al.
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This movie has been a guilty pleasure of mine since it came out in 2007, and I don't think I can recommend it enough. From the suspension of disbelief required to make Kevin Bacon an ass-kicker, to the multi-ethnic street gang, to the detective who's surprisingly blase about the hero's repeated murders, I was screaming WTF as often as I was entertained. As weird as it sounds, I like to put this (much grimmer) movie in the same class as The Blind Side: a movie designed to reassure upper class suburbanites of their superiority in all things, whether that's raising disadvantaged inner-city youths or slaughtering disadvantaged inner-city youths.
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I can buy John Goodman as an intimidating guy, but his role in that movie was COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY. It seemed his entire purpose in that movie was to remind his son, ad nauseum, that he doesn't give a shit about him. I laughed so hard during the scene after Kevin Bacon bought all the guns. Bacon has no idea who Goodman's character is, and he is already well on his way out the door. But Goodman takes the time to pick up a gun, inform Kevin Bacon he's the father of the guy he's going to kill, and then explain "I don't care if you kill my boy since you paid cash, but don't ask me where he is." HE WASN'T GOING TO! He had no idea who this guy was! I guess he was supposed to represent the opposite of Kevin Bacon's good father character, but it felt so forced.
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I know I've been kind of sieging the forums in the past hour (I'm a recent listener who's fallen in love with the show), but I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest Act of Valor. It's the America, Fuck Yeah action movie perhaps best known for starring real-life Navy SEALS. If it weren't for that fact, I'm confident the movie would have been a direct-to-DVD release. Some of the action scenes are actually pretty cool, but otherwise the movie is total WTF. May I present: The general promotional premise. I heard a Fox News interview with the directors/producers/doesn't really matter, in which they said the movie began with traditional actors and Navy SEAL consultants, but that the creators decided if they used actors, they wouldn't be telling the SEALs story. But consider this: the soldiers aren't playing themselves, they're not recreating a true life mission, and many of the plot happenings are wildly implausible. The wooden under-acting and crazy over-acting that lets you identify the SEAL actors from the "actors." Grenades that destroy entire city blocks. Surprising levels of anti-semitism. The two main bad-guys are a Jewish drug runner and an Islamic terrorist who you find out was converted from Judaism--and the script goes far out of its way to point that out. A soldier is shown in montage to have a huge "God Bless America" patch on his helmet. That patch is never shown again, even though he's still wearing the helmet immediately after the scene. The bad guy's snidely whiplash laugh in the first scene of the movie. The plot revolves around new explosive jackets filled with ceramic ball bearings to avoid metal detection. The scheme is described along the lines of "Seven 9/11s"
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Mission Impossible 2, please!
