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Everything posted by danm_999

  1. The master plan to wipe out children, replace everyone with robots and "change the world" in this movie is basically perfect when you think about. After all; 1) I cannot imagine anything most children would rather be doing at 9PM on Halloween than being at home watching a horror movie marathon, especially since there's a non-descript prize up for grabs. 2) Since there's no such thing as time zones, there's no chance of anybody getting an advance warning about the face melting, or no chance of it being too late anywhere for children to miss the broadcast 3) Every country in the world celebrates Halloween. Bravo Cochran. This plan is flawless.
  2. In Australia, we don't have skunks guys. We also don't have books, wildlife documentaries, the internet, zoos, Looney Toons cartoons with Pepe Le Pew or the movie Bambi or really just general knowledge about animals. Truth. But yeah, this movie sucked. Paul Hogan has basically made a career of being the Australian version of when Taco from the League appeared in the Sands of Passion as the American rapper-slash-cowboy-slash-cautionary tale.
  3. danm_999

    Episode 68.5 β€” Minisode 68.5

    Yeah it'd be one thing to suspend your disbelief that Australians don't know anything about 'big city life' (even though proportionately, more Australians live in urban areas than Americans), but we've seen this exact character living in New York City for the past two films.
  4. danm_999

    Episode 68 β€” Over The Top: LIVE!

    Such a good point. The only defence of the script I'll attempt to make is that given it couldn't even get itself straight on the protagonist's name, the fact the stakes were horribly bungled is like an afterthought.
  5. danm_999

    Episode 67 β€” Sharknado

    Woah, a b-b-b-b-bonus-s-s-s-s episode of HDTGM? And the film is Sharknado? And the guest is the Chocktaw? Sign me up!
  6. danm_999

    Episode 65 β€” Howard the Duck: LIVE!

    Great episode, really good energy, Schaal was a great guest. The gang was on top form. Trainwreck of a film. Probably the most WTF premise for a movie since Super Mario Bros where a meteor smashes into a planet and creates a parallel dimension because 'Fuck You. Science.' So Howard gets sucked to Earth because...lasers? But lasers are just light, not fucking tractor beams. And why did it only drag Howard, since there were clearly other objects and ducks closer to the beam than him. And how did the laser, which again, just light, go through fucking walls and buildings? And how was Howard dragged through the vacuum of space without freezing or suffocating? Why the shitballs did the computer at the end know how long it'd take the Dark Overlords of the Universe to arrive? Why did it even have that function; Jeffrey Jones said it was supposed to measure gas around Alpha Centauri. And is anybody elses left side going numb thinking about this movidkf;hsdfhkdsj,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  7. danm_999

    Episode 64 β€” After Earth

    My favourite part of the White House Down marketing is that several of the posters for it I've shown show the fucking Capitol Building instead, like both the people who made the film, and the people who the film is supposed to target can't tell the difference.
  8. danm_999

    Episode 64 β€” After Earth

    Umm, so when Will Smith goes over to the spaceship window and feels it vibrating against his medallion, what exactly about the asteroid field is causing the ship's window to vibrate? There's no air in space, and hence no sound, so where were the vibrations coming from...? PFT is always such a great guest on podcasts, in or out of character. He had really great chemistry with the gang as they riffed on this movie. And as for this movie...Jesus. What a dumb, dumb message. Fear is a choice? No, it's a biological reaction to stimuli which was helped humanity survive for millions of years by nagging us with important shit like "hey, you better eat soon or you'll die horribly emaciated", or "hmm, maybe I shouldn't get any closer to that hissing sound in the bushes". And what's up with all these pussies around the world in Syria and Turkey and North Korea afraid for themselves and their families because of famine, disease, war and genocide? Didn't they get the memo from the great M Night? Stop being so afraid!
  9. danm_999

    Favorite Bad Movie Quote

    Tango and Cash; Stallone; From the look of your diet, it's obvious that you're not too interested in counting calories. Could it be that you're just too busy counting the money they paid you to set us up? Watch the video for full effect. I like to imagine Tango walked into this situation thinking "I need to work the idea of counting somehow into what this guy is doing." He saw the bowl of spaghetti, and was like "ok, let's do this".
  10. Jason's observation about the fucking insanity, perversity and bizzareness that the Asian guy towards the end must have been saying "Mrs. Hughes?" to a closed bathroom stall nearly caused me to crash my bike into a pole I was laughing so hard.
  11. danm_999

    Let June speak!

    Huh, I actually thought June had been the MVP of the last few episodes; Guys, but what exactly IS a 'street fighter'? She really drove the discussion in that 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot' episode, especially early on. That and the Jack and Jill advocacy. One of my favourite lines in the most recent, Paul is attempting to describe the church ceremony, and June deadpans; 'Paul...that was Mass.' The increasingly erratic pronounciations of Leelee Sobieski in the Name of the King.
  12. danm_999

    Episode 23 β€” Anybody's Game

    Don't worry about Sir Richard. He's going to be all right.
  13. So Stallone was a homicide detective right? That was why his mother held back information from the police so he could catch the murderer himself and get a promotion. But he was also making undercover busts at the beginning of the film, which I'm guessing is part of a Vice department? And also he's a hostage negotiator....? Maybe that'd make sense in a small town or something, but he's living in Los Angeles. Why is he doing every single job in the LAPD?
  14. danm_999

    In defense of Nick Cage?

    Yeah Cage is a good actor, and when the projects right he does a great job. He's great in Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, Moonstruck, The Rock. Problem is, he has like terrible debt, mostly from tax, probably not helped by the fact he's bought several castles in Europe. That means he'll just do any fucking movie that comes his way, because he needs the cash.
  15. danm_999

    Episode 60.5 β€” Minisode 60.5

    Oh man, a friend of mine showed me some clips from this one. Fucking insane dialogue. My favourite was; I had to rewind that shit like five times, I couldn't understand what the fuck was being said.
  16. danm_999

    Episode 60 β€” Street Fighter

    There are some bad movies where trying to get into their heads is great because when you realise what they were actually going for, it makes the ways in which they failed all the funnier. And there are some bad movies where trying to figure them out is actually fucking dangerous to your mental health because there's no rhyme or reason and the movie is just a metaphorical pool of vomit with chunks of non-sequiturs and shittyness floating around near the surface. Street Fighter is such a movie. Why was the movie called 'Street Fighter' and not 'Stupid Confusing Stakes during an International Crisis Fighter'? Hell, Capcom, the game's developers, re-released the original video game a few years ago with the title 'Fighting Street', so I'm not sure even they could tell you what the title means.
  17. danm_999

    Episode 59 β€” Spice World

    The Spice Girls won a joint Razzy for Worst Actress for this one. Well deserved in my opinion.
  18. I'm guessing it was mostly Statham, Reynold's, Liotta and Pearlman's quotes. That and Boll probably embezzled a shitload of it.
  19. danm_999

    Episode 58.5 - Minisode 58.5

    References to Princess Diana and Gianni Versace had to be edited out of this one since they both died when the film was in post production. Also, Gary Glitter had to be cut out of the movie after the whole fucking kids fiasco began to emerge. Anyone else feel like the universe was trying to tell us all something about releasing this film?
  20. It's seriously amazing just how bad every movie based on a video game is. HDTGM has done two so far (this weeks and Super Mario Bros) but this sub-genre is like a resevoir of shittyness you could tap into that's so vast and awful it would drown Nick Cage and Al Pacino. Street Fighter. Mortal Kombat. Tomb Raider. Resident Evil. BloodRayne. Alone in the Dark. Doom. Hitman. Wing Commander. Max Payne. Silent Hill. The Pokemon movies. Prince of Persia. Dead or Alive. All rancid garbage. The highest rated video game based movie that exists on Rotten Tomatoes is Final Fantasy Spirits within at 44% (which is still 'rotten'). To put that in context, the best rated video game movie in existence is lower on RT than the Devil's Advocate, Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2, Sleepaway Camp, Spiderman 3, Crank 2, Fast Five, and Drive Angry. The funniest part? Even with the bar that low, several video game developers, from Kojima with Metal Gear Solid to Blizzard with World of Warcraft basically gave Uwe a 'fuck no' response when he expressed interest in making their games into movies.
  21. danm_999

    Episode 56.5 β€” Minisode 56.5

    Chevy Chase and Magic Johnson both had talk shows? And it was Chevy Chase's that involved the host shooting hoops? Woah. That almost makes the case for a "How Did This Get Made; inexplicable chat shows" episode.
  22. Wha...? Jack and Jill cost $79 million to make? Just...how? HOW?
  23. Yeah and there's sort of an internal logic to why Sandler films are made; he's a huge box office draw, even if his movies aren't very good, people will go see them in the millions. They're pretty predictable, you know what you're getting. Studios just give him some cash, he gets his friends to act in it, and they crank out something that does really well at the box office that's unrelated to it's quality. HDTGM seems to want to target movies where the question is less clear; so how did "Nothing But Trouble" get made when it's a nightmarish mess of tone, has no clear narrative or pacing and all these great comedic actors appear like they don't want to be there? How did "The Devil's Advocate" get made when Al Pacino turned it down five times, it had it's script altered and doctored like five times and Keanu Reeves was like the fifth person approached to play the lead? How did Reindeer Games, a Christmas movie, get made when it was released in March and had a third act that didn't make sense given the first two acts? If you ask the question about Jack and Jill "How Did This Get Made", the answer is really "Adam Sandler = money, duh".
  24. If you look at the breakdown of the podcast over its roughly two year history, you'll notice that in the first year, they only did two films from the pre-2000 era (Mac and Me and Superman III) out of 24 episodes. So if they're heavier on older films in their second year, that's hardly unsurprising.
  25. Great episode. I found it really funny that Jason and June basically switched their usual HDTGM positions for this one; June will usually try and get into the movie's head, and try to figure out the movie's message, whilst Jason will have a lot of fun with the absurdity and crapiness of most of the movies HDTGM reviews. But this week, June was basically calling the movie out as garbage and absurd, and Jason was trying to let the movie in and embrace its message. My suspicion is that there was a Freaky Friday style incident before this podcast was recorded.