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ZARATHUSTRA

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Posts posted by ZARATHUSTRA

  4. Posted

     

    Feel like I have to have a shower after watching that. I feel unclean internally. Maybe drink some bleach.

     

    I didn't grow up in the 80s, maybe it was different then, but Kim Basinger looks terrifying in this movie. Like something out of a pastelly uncanny valley. LIke something out of Fallout 4. Dan Aykroyd is gross and I hate everything about this film. This whole movie is a nightmare and every copy should be destroyed.

    • Like 4

  5. Posted

    Also, since I just rewatched the ending of this thing, here's another one.

     

    What's the deal with these Princess Stephanies who arrive in the space ship? I assume the glowing platform they descend on is not indicative of the space in the ship, but even so, there doesn't seem to be enough room for those ladies to fit in. And why do they all look like Princess Stephanie? I get the point of the joke for Jon Lovitz (who gives up his entire life for the look of a few women who he's assuming will be into him), but at the beginning of the movie they go to great lengths to show Celeste getting ready to look like an earth person, and then the whole flight crew just shows up to pick her up, and they're all dressed like flight attendants? Not only that, scantily clad flight attendants with plunging necklines and no bras. And they salute like this:

     

    VaKd6A3.png

     

    WHY WOULD THEY SALUTE IN MIRROR FORMATION? I get the symmetry but it's ridiculous. And some are saluting in submarine style (palm down) and some in palm-out style. No discipline here.

     

    Then, Jon Lovitz asks if everyone on Celeste's planet looks as good as she does, and Celeste says 'Oh! Better!'', which I guess confirms the fact that the planet isn't made up of handbag penises, but humanoids with American accents who drink battery acid and live forever.

     

    1) Where did the piano come from

    2) How do they know the words to his song

    3) Who is flying the space ship

     

     

    First of all, this is hands down the post of the week.

     

    Second of all, I'm pretty sure they're just the cabin crew for the HMAS Male Fantasy, which is incidentally the name of the Fuck-Sub from A View to a Kill.

     

    Third of all, I think we can assume the Penis-in-the-handbag is flying the spaceship.

    • Like 4

  6. Posted

     

    Radio Days is really good, and one I'd recommend unless you are one of those folks who just can't watch anything by Woody Allen because of all the issues in his personal life. And even for those folks, I'll note that this is one Woody Allen movie in which he does not appear on screen (only does the narration).

     

    tbh I have never understood the deal with Woody Allen films. Completely suspending any knowledge of him as a person, I still don't like his movies. I really don't understand how they're funny at all. I can't comprehend why people see them. I've tried, I've seen Annie Hall and a few others, this was before any of the recent stuff, and I have no clue why he is elevated to such an extent in film and comedy. The films are shit. He writes the same movie over and over again. The characters are terribly written, particually the female characters. Even the early stuff isn't that revolutionary for the time. I genuinely can't sit through them I find his writing so irritating. I have no idea who keeps giving him money to make movies and why actors keep working for him. There are things I don't enjoy but understand why some people do, but Woody Allen is one of those really annoying things where I genuinely cannot fathom why anyone does enjoy it. I go crazy thinking i'm missing something but I watch it and its fucking terrible.

     

    Then again people go see Andre Rieu which is probably a more egregious crime.

  8. Posted

    My picks for actors to appear in Fast and Furious movies.

    Michael Caine, Judy Dench, Morgan Freeman, Forrest Whitaker, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

     

    With a special cameo appearance from Pope Francis as a club bouncer.

     

     

    As for future cast members; Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnon, Robbie Coltrane. What I'd really like though is for them to pull out someone like Gene Hackman or Jack Nicholson out.

     

    I'd love to see some more strong women, like gimme Lena Headly or Sigourney Weaver

     

    Sigourney Weaver is a dope idea. Sandy Bullock too, or Goldie Hawn or Rinko Kikuchi. I think they should have gone for something like that instead of the Paul Walker replacement guy. Why not change it up instead of putting in a replacement? Isn't it the ultimate disrespect to be replaceable? Or just put June in the movie already.

     

    Plus I mean they have Kurt Russell. Just put him in every fucking scene. He's Kurt fucking Russell.

     

    I think Sam Rockwell would be awesome as a villian, a la CharIie's Angels. He's the best thing about that movie. I think he'd be up for dying and not sticking around, this series needs more people actually dying, the stakes start to fray when everyone is good in the end. Plus we need less bodybuilder types and more properly evil characters.

     

    I hadn't heard about a Rock/Jason Statham spin-off but I am so in. I love the action of these movies but I don't like Vin Diesel. He has no charisma to me and his douchiness bleeds all over everything. The Rock on the other hand is really watchable. I'm straight and male and I'd fuck him at this point. I'm so in for that movie.

     

    Also really surprised that only a few people knew the Rock was doing a Haka with the soccer team. Do people not know about Hakas in America? I didn't think it was obscure but I suppose there's no rugby there which is the place most people have seen it . Its a wardance you do before battle, which is pretty dope for a girls soccer team. Only the Rock could pull that scene off.

    • Like 5

  10. Posted

    I have to second this opinion. I also feel that Vin Diesel is a more selfish lover, like he would call out his own name during sex or have you wear a paper bag that has a his picture on it on your head.

     

    Possible use for Virtual Reality: Vin could wear the headset and have sex with himself.

     

     

     

    1) I highly doubt that old taxis in New York are self-driving. Certainly not that many.

     

    3) How did she know the cars would "rain" down? There isn't an altitude sensor in GPS, is there? Those cars could have just as easily been at street level and her comment would have made no sense.

     

    I agree those old cars wouldn't be. Even if this was set in the future I don't think most cars will be self driving. Most people don't like it instinctively.

     

    Depends on the GPS's satellites but they can calculate altitude, not that accurately generally though. But I assume in the logic of the film they would know if the building is a carpark and if theres a car in that they could assume its drive-offable.

     

    And, unrelated, but I have to say I wasn't into the Kid Rock-style intro until they got to the "Where does the butt start" line. Also, that theme should only be played with Jason's giggles in it.

     

    I got more of a Beck Loser feel, maybe its because I despise Kid Rock and have blanked him from my memory. Stellar Skateboard was my highlight.

    • Like 1

  11. Posted

    So this story begins (For Keanu’s character) in 2004 in the month of February according to the events of the film. It’s Valentine’s Day in 2006 when Sandra sees the car accident so that means Keanu (experiencing the same day two years prior) is also in mid-February—but in 2004. Well this makes the film more confusing. We see that they are basically experiencing the same day every time they interact with the mailbox and the tree etc. (They say it’s the same day but in a different year at one point.) BUT 2004 WAS A FUCKING LEAP YEAR! February would have had a different amount of days for each of them. At a certain point instead of showing up right away the replies to Sandra’s letters should show up a day later right? Because they end up being 2 years and 1 day apart at a certain point right? Ugh... I guess the writer/s of this film didn’t think about that. I’m more confused, honestly, by the motivation for either character to fall in love with the other? A few letters? Are they that lonely? These are good looking, gainfully employed people…

     

    Perhaps the mailbox follows the Hebrew Calendar where there is a leap month 7 times every 19 years. Or maybe the letterbox/DogGod magically accounts for leap years.

     

    Or maybe because they percieve time within the structure of a calendar: a human construct to make sense of the proximity of the past, thus a error in this structure not time. If we take the Kantian view of time, it is not externally existent but embedded (a priori) in our experience of the external, like the sense of spatiality, to make sense of phenomena. Or perhaps we shouldn't be concerned with clock/calendar-time (infinite series of self-contained nows laid out in an ordering of past, present and future) or with time as a kind of relativistic phenomenon that would satisfy physics. If we look to Heideggarian phenomenology, time is a present-at-hand (Vorhandenheit) phenomena which is not an accurate presentation of temporality which is an internal feature of the existential constitution of Dasein (the fundamental temporality that structures intelligibility). Thus in the direct phenomenological experience (i.e. bracketed using Husserl's phenomenological reduction), the actual experience of the mailbox is not relevant to the structure of calendar days.

     

     

    Or I might be reading too much into it.

     

    I assume the writers of fucking The Lake House thought all this through before they sold the fucking screenplay.

    • Like 3

  12. Posted

    and then there's the graffiti .. it was there for 2 years and nobody posted anything over it? And it didn't fade? It's not like he could come back and top it up or clear posters off it ... cause he's dead.

     

    10fc93p.jpg

     

    There is no conceivable timeline in which somone wouldn't have drawn a penis or a swastika or just tagged over it. Its such a cringeworthy message if I saw it I would go out and buy some paint myself and deface it

    • Like 3

  13. Posted

     

    I've been thinking of titles for porno versions for hours, and quite frankly, I don't want to even post them here, because I'm disappointed with myself for even thinking them up.

     

    I have a whole fucking list too.

     

    There are some great real titles though, my favourite was Shaving Ryan's Privates, that was until I heard of Twin Cheeks. I don't think anyone will ever top that.

  14. Posted

    I feel like Corrections this week are gonna be a drop in the water because this movie laughs at any modicum of logic. But I will correct the common Keanu rumour with a wiki quote:

     

    "It has been reported that Reeves gave approximately US$80 million of his US$114 million earnings of The Matrix sequels, The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, to the special effects and makeup staff. The story has been denied by special effects staff themselves as an urban legend. The story likely had its roots in a back-end deal Reeves made with the producers of The Matrix Reloaded relinquishing his contractual right to a percentage of the earnings from the ticket sales. Reeves reportedly did so to allow producers the flexibility for an extensive special effects budget. The value of Reeves' foregone share of the ticket profits has been estimated as US$38 million, which was added to the overall movie budget, rather than going directly to special effects."

     

    So its sort of true but not exactly. He is a good dude though, my own and this forum's love for Keanu is well documented. Like 2 whole pages of the Xander Cage thread is a Keanu circle jerk and he's not even in that movie. And I would gladly do it again.

    • Like 1

  20. Posted

    Keanu gets a bad rap for being wooden, which he is, but if he's put in the right role he's AMAZING. While he can give laughably bad performances in films like Dracula or Devil's Advocate, any role where he gets a chance to be a grizzled, no-nonsense action star he excels, like in Speed, Street Kings, the Wick films, and the first Matrix.

     

    I couldn't agree more. You took the words out of my mouth. He's not at all wooden in Bill and Ted and he's amazing in My Own Private Idaho. People think of the Matrix where he is supposed to be wooden. He's not good in The Devil's Advocate but no one is good in that movie. Al Pacino is doing a Nicolas Cage level performance and everyone looks like a puppet in comparison. I agree John Wick works really well with Keanu, I haven't seen the second one yet but the first one was great. The dog plot had no hint of irony and he is amazing in that movie.

     

    I remember those photos from the 90s where someone found him sharing breakfast with a homeless guy. Anyone else I'd assume it was faked for the press but I believe it about Keanu. Plus he gave up some of his salary for the Matrix sequels to put into pay for the special effects crews. In a town full of douchebags he seems like a rare genuine guy. I'm all in on the Keanu love in this forum.

    • Like 1

  22. Posted

    Australians are terrible people tbqh

     

    That's actually written on our passports. We know.

    Our country runs a prison island for refugees kept in indefinate incarceration and is illegal under international law. So yeah.

     

    Everyone talking about Ruby Rose as if we are supposed to know who that is. I have never heard of her before. On imdb she has barely any credits. Who cares and plus if she's Australian who cares even more.

    • Like 4

  24. Posted

    Takeaways:

     

    1. This movie made $100 million in Mainland China in 6 days. Such is the power (and awesomeness) of Donnie Yen. If you're new to Donnie Yen check out his scene in Hero.

     

    2. Vin Diesel is King of the Douchebags and Zuckerberg is just like all the other douchebag nerds I've met.

     

     

    3. "When did this turn into beautiful world?" and all I could think of was Devo's cathartic (and strangely prescient) masterpiece:

     

    4. June must have been raised Catholic because 'eating-sushi-in-a-cinema' guilt sounds like a classic example of Catholic guilt

     

    5. Does anyone know the clip they played at the end? There's music throughout so I couldn't tell what was happening.

    • Like 3
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