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About nrkist

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  1. Update: Since this post, every major bank has force re-issued 'chip' cards. We did it guys...I guess?! Can we all just have a fail high-five for one freeze-frame? Edit: Paul, you are still allowed to scrawl things on the back if you wish, it just doesn't matter now...also it's a way worse security system than the one you 'devised'...
  2. LOL, I love you Paul. I won't quit my day job to be a comedian though, because I believe there is a jocular tone to your suggestion intended to make me look foolish if I were to take your advice. Your trap lies forever untripped. I really didn't expect that you would reply, but I do have to ask why you are putting people through hoops when processing your card. Do you have your ID at the ready, just out of sight, like a loaded gun, awaiting the gratifying request for ID? Or do you wait for the requisition of the ID, before fishing it out of your wallet? Or are you secretly happy nobody reads the INDELIBLY written 'See ID' on the back of your credit card and just processes your payment? What was wrong with my use of 'INDELIBLY'?! Do you write 'See ID' on the back of your credit card with a dry erase marker? You have introduced a new problem to your security system. You're awesome Paul. This wasn't a dig at you. I don't think you took it as one, and I would love to argue wonderfully inconsequential minutiae with you in the future...as long as it doesn't interfere with my day job.
  3. Just started episode, and I am honestly flabbergasted regarding the "See ID/Check ID". What do you think this accomplishes exactly? You have already handed the person your credit card. Best case scenario, you have needlessly made this transaction longer. You have indedliby created a system to inconvenience yourself daily, thereby confusing and irritating the person you handed the card to. The entire signature 'thing' is a hold-over from the early days of credit cards, when we didn't have ease of electronic transparency and oversight. We already have much better checks and reconciliation for stolen cards and fraud. If you write 'See ID' on the back of your credit, and hand your card to another individual for processing, 1 of 2 things is going to happen: 1.) They are just going to swipe the card whether they see this note on the back or not. You are then in the position of pointing out that they didn't check your ID, thus getting into an uncomfortable position of forcing the other person to backpedal and ask for your ID...thus verify the card is indeed yours and finishing the transaction that was always going to happen. OR, what probably happens 99 percent of the time, you simply silently accept that this was a silly and ineffective form of fraud prevention. 2.) You are trying to pay for something real quick while having a conversation with someone on a phone or wrangling your children. The salesperson/clerk/server has to politely ask you several times for your ID, in which case you become irritated regarding the stupid thing you wrote on the back of your Credit Card that serves no actual purpose but to waste your own time and create uncomfortable situations. Now, this individual you have tried to pawn your ACTUAL card off to is really off-put and pretending to examine your credit card and ID with the hardened-eye of an FBI fraud investigator. This charade carries on until you are either bursting red in the face, or nod, dully satisfied in the rigid standards of the pimply 15 year-old, managing the register at a walgreen's, natural eye for multi-layer counterfeiting. Just sign the back of the card! Edit: I do like the idea that your license could have an option in the signature area that says 'See birth certificate'. And then the clerk has to carefully pretend to compare the rings on your toes with those of your birth certificate and make some hard decisions regarding the validity of your purchase.
  4. nrkist

    Gamer (2009)

    I would second this. Normally, I wouldn't suggest HDTGM follow The Flophouse, but they did this one really early in their podcasting career and the audio is pretty wonky. It's still hilarious, but it's hard to listen to. Gamer needs a proper riffing/dissecting, and though there exists a hilarious version of this, the audio is really messed up. Only HDTGM can be entrusted with a restoration project. @becasmar I would kindly disagree that Crank 1 and 2 are 'piece of shit'. Gamer, unfortunately, IS a huge piece of shit. It's still hilariously bad, and kinda enjoyable. Possible Alternate Tag: "What if Second Life...WAS your first life? And you only had ONE, last, second chance, to get your first life back?"
  5. nrkist

    Sark: The Elder...

    So...I know alot of things changed throughout the campaign, and The Elder probably doesn't fit into the retcons, but you had an idea for that character, and he was important? So who was The Elder? What was 'The C'. What was the 'not magic'? Edit: I have a feeling that The Elder was a Duggan character, but Duggan didn't make it back to the cast when he thought he would. So maybe he has a better explanation for everything? Edit2: Was he just a Sark invention to make everyone go back towards the Collectors? He was perfectly the thing to annoy Brian, and Sark couldn't stop describing how ridiculously physically and magically endowed this guy was. The best thing about The Elder is when Sark describes a droplet of sweat winding it's way through the contours of his 'twelve pack' and it's met with an awkward silence until Sarah describes Brian as kinda hanging mouth and super confused and angry.
  6. The Fox News bit regarding the transgender bathroom thing was pretty hilarious...but...you do gotta admit that the graphic is kinda silly and offensive to be honest, and as other people pointed out, pointless as there is already an indicator for same sex bathrooms... Like, I know Fox News wanted to play that up into something else entirely, but lets really look at that iconography: The idea should be 'red' = ladies, 'blue' = mens, the same human stick-figure exactly half and half is genital free-for-all. That's pretty simple. It's WAY less offensive than plopping the "male" iconograph upper-body (that takes up 70 percent of the iconography design easily) ontop of the red skirt lower iconography. Like, is this a real thing, or did Fox News make it up? I guess what I'm saying is, why wouldn't the divider be down the center vertically and the stick figures sexless? Is that graphic real? Like, that's a real thing that's going to be on walls somewhere in public? That iconography literally says: "This bathroom is for male top-heavy chimera with possibly lady parts underneath that dress." It's almost an invitation to a weird show! Like, there are going to be dudes busting in there ALL THE TIME and then sighing really loudly when there isn't a man that's 70 percent torso wearing a tutu taking a really luxurious piss. Edit: That is a great idea for a youtube series. Just rent out a small room in an office building with high and variable traffic and stick a placard with obscure iconography on the outside and wait until someone comes in, have a laugh, and ask them what they thought the sign meant, and why they eventually entered the room: "I dunno...the sign looked like a horse...and a man was putting it down...but we're on the 30th floor of this building...I really couldn't figure it out. Plus, I really had to go to the bathroom, and I don't got time to really mull this over. It was probably a restroom. After I sign this non-disclosure, there IS a toilet in here I can avail, correct?"
  7. Amazing! This is easily one of the best runs you guys have recorded to date. Kudos to Gelman, he finally won me over. He surprised me a lot. He's named after the coin? Gelman = son of chocolate coin, right?
  8. I am not sure what to say about this video. It's a quick and dirty survivalists guide to weapons of opportunity. It's on a real goofy rollercoaster that doesn't kick in until the 7 minute mark. Allow me to transcribe this hallmark from a video full of amazingness: "...[but] if you don't happen to have a stick...you can MAKE one! Out of a MAGAZINE?! Yes! One of my fellow officers ACTUALLY went into a riot situation with nothing more than a rolled up magazine. He dropped 3 guys. Lemme show you how you make one [a rolled up magazine]..." I can't stop laughing. We are talking about how to construct a Rolled Up Magazine. In order to craft this item you require one UNROLLED magazine before beginning... What was the situation in the riot where his fellow officer dived like a norseman into a swath of people with nought but a magazine for crowd control? The goal is to 'drop' as many people as possible? WHAT?! There is so much wrong with this crazy backstory about the legendary magazine riot control run of this guys 'fellow officer'. There's a certain Mr. Roger's Neighborhood feel to the entire thing that is particularly offputting...
  9. nrkist

    New Foam

    Dear End point Consumer, We enjoy engdearing a certain level of personability and intimacey with our customers. I am sorry that you find our hairy thighs and conspciously short shorts, 'unseemly'. If you prefer your mail delivered by a handsomely groomed man, that is not cladden in a clown suit, while banging on your door at 6am...maybe you should spend the extra DOLLAR and look elsewhere. Edit: I apologize, this man does not speak for the United States Postal Service (oooraah!). Take your text. Print it out on a standard 8.5x11. Fold this paper into thirds. The easiest way to to do this is with a ruler. Or you can just kinda have your brother hold an edge you eyeball. That's how we do it here at the office. You then mail that to Santa and go F' yourself. Sincerely, USPS. Edit 2: Lastly, all those letters to Santa Claus are undeliverable. We burn that. Let your kids know, because it's a big bungle during the holiday season and it just goes directly in the furnace. If there are any further concerns, I urge you to tie your writ to the tail of a unicorn wherein it will make it's way back across the rainbow it road in on directly to our offices.
  10. nrkist

    New Foam

    The dumb ones...brah...
  11. nrkist

    New Foam

    . I think something happened, and people became very worked up, regarding which animal deserved a nut checking the most. It was quite shameful all round, and unfunnny. That's why this weird space is here...
  12. nrkist

    New Foam

    Yeah, like...don't punch a star fish in the face...cause you're actually punching it in the penis...? Look, I dunno how this works, but I am definitely behind a soft coast of star-fish punching.
  13. nrkist

    New Foam

    So they call it 'First Class Mail', but it should be called 'Probably Never Going to Get There Mail'. It's called 'First Class', but of all classifications of mail, it's infact 'Worst Class'.
  14. nrkist

    New Foam

    Like...in this situation...was anyone really thinking, "Maybe I should really work this shark's body. Kinda pile away at that for a bit and wear this shark down for the KO". NO! You just punch the thing available to you which happens to be it's FACE and NOSE which is immediately available to you BECAUSE IT'S EATING YOU. You know whats highly effective in any man-man/man-animal fight? Punching something directly in the nose. Go try it out on your pets, and you will see what I'm saying.
  15. nrkist

    New Foam

    LOL, no...explain. The amber alerts are for the mosquitoes? Why would we want that? I actually don't want to much investigate further here, despite how funny it is.