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About Bullstallion

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  1. Bullstallion

    Living with mental illness

    Just started listening to this podcast last week. I've listened up to ep11 now and have really enjoyed the discussions. I was turned on to this podcast by chance and by my need to try and be a better dad. My situation is something I'm starting to have trouble dealing with. My wife and I have been married for 17 yrs she had a history of depression but it was very under control with medication. After the birth of our daughter, who is 4 now. She slowly has spiraled out of control. She could barely function day to day much less take care of our daughter. It all finally came to a head where she was on dangerous levels of meds and could no longer be trusted with our daughter. She was sent to the hospital where they started ECT treatments( electro convulsive therapy). It did not help her at all and now she has the same depression issues with a lot of short term memory loss. Luckily my family and hers have really stepped up and helped out with caring for our daughter. But they live 5 hrs away, which puts me in a bad spot. For awhile I was driving back and forth every weekend. About 2 months of this and I almost crashed my car falling asleep. The company I work for has been really great and let me rearrange my schedule. I'm able to spend 4 days with my daughter every 10 days. This is where the guilt is starting to set in, I am starting to feel like we are failing her. I really worry about her not having normal mom/dad time. The time I spend with her seems hyper eventful as I try and cram in all the fun dad/cuddle time I can. while making sure all her daycare, preschool and Sunday school stuff is taken care until I come back. I really just feel sorta overwhelmed and worried I'm damaging the psyche of a 4yr old. I've started looking for some type of support group or anything. But there just doesn't seem to be a lot of men discussing issues like this.