Jump to content
πŸ”’ The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... Γ—

Cam Bert

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by Cam Bert

  1. Cam Bert

    Episode 221. The Hottie and the Nottie

    I must have checked outed I just remember him getting punched. Yes! Literally someone saying "I love mimes!" is is funnier anyway because mimes are notoriously unfunny. Just the idea of someone loving them is funny enough.
  2. Cam Bert

    Episode 221. The Hottie and the Nottie

    Aww... thank you.
  3. Cam Bert

    Episode 221. The Hottie and the Nottie

    This movie is gross and disgusting and offensive. It it horrible towards everybody. "Hey let's make her one weird stalker and albino? Their lack of pigment is hilarious because who could love that? hahaha I know why don't we give him some sort of twitch with his hands and a speech impediment to indicate a possible learning disability or mental problem as well? Genius! Hahahaha" The movie even stoops so far as to make a "midget" joke with the little girl crying out "I love midget mimes" and thus undoing the hypnosis. Now disregarding the terrible joke of how this is suppose to be an impossible phrase to hear yet there are so many little people mimes out there that a small child loves them more so than any other kind of mime to specify she likes little people mimes instead of just mimes in general. Also what child loves mimes? No! What is truly crazy about this scene is the father coming in to correct her with "They are called little people honey." This movie who could give two fucks on who it's offending and making fun of stops to say "Hey audience, midget is an offensive term and not cool." The kicker to me is nothing to do with the mime and the jokes around him are height based so that line could have literally been anything else. They could have made that code phrase "purple clowns" or "chocolate cowboys" and had a clown in purple or a candy themed cowboy and the scene plays out the exact same. Yet the writer decided "midget mime" was the most hilarious thing. Then they felt guilty about that and so they stop to inform us that we shouldn't be offensive towards this one group. It's just so inconstant and weird. Where is the bit where they stop to apologize to women?
  4. Cam Bert

    Episode 221. The Hottie and the Nottie

    I did. I had a crush on a girl from that time. Of course nothing overtly romantic or anything just I thought she was very pretty at the time and she was super smart and we had the same friends. Because we had mutual friends we'd hang out in groups after school and on weekends sometimes. As elementary school went on I still always liked her and that feeling never went away. We ended up going to different junior high schools and that would that last I would see of her. Fortunately four or five years later along came the the internet era and MSN Messenger and ICQ. I got in contact with her again via a mutual friend and we started talking online. We'd talk every so often over the course of a few months with a lot of "remember this person?" and "do you still hang out with so-and-so?" As we'd been talking again for a few months during one of the "remember the days" talks I decided to tell her "I don't know if you knew, but I always had a crush on you in elementary school." To which without reply she blocked me. I never talked to her again. She didn't know my intentions so I get it. I was bringing it up as a funny tidbit for conversation but I get how she could have seen this as me trying to ask her out or something. Fun post script! A few days after this all happened I was informed by friends that a girl I was crushing on at the time in high school really liked my acting in the school plays. I thought I would take this opportunity to ask her out on a date to which she replied "gross, kill yourself." These two events in such short succession made me unable to express my feelings for years! Wasn't high school fun?
  5. Cam Bert

    Musical Mondays Week 72 Man of La Mancha

    I liked parts of the movie and I liked the last act probably the most. There are just a few things that kinda took me out of it at the beginning. One of the things that confused me a bit was that they did that one whole musical number in the prison with the priest and the granddaughter and fiance and what not. That was the only musical number if I recall correctly filmed in the prison and not in the movie within the movie bit. It's not enough to ruin things for me I just found it a bit of an odd choice. Especially when those characters showed up later I didn't recognize them in the movie within a movie because their looks were different than that in the prison. Personally I'm not sure how well it would have worked, and is probably more on par with the stage production, but I would have loved to have seen more of the acting out in prison. Each time we cut back and saw more and more of them getting into it I enjoyed that a fair bit and wish we could have seen them "performing" more.
  6. Cam Bert

    Episode 220.5 - Minisode 220.5

    As much as I love the pairing of Matthau and Lemmon, in all their films together I find their pairing in the odd coupe to be the most questionable. I think this is due to issues with the Felix character. Best pairing of Matthau/Lemmon? The Fortune Cookie.
  7. One of the best videos I've seen in awhile
  8. I thought that was a clickhole article at first. edit: Yes, I was well aware of this fact and I didn't realize this was a riddle that needed to be solved.
  9. Hey! I'm the one that does the maps around here! This is great and awesome but we have to look at the bigger picture here. Vanessa Kirby has 72 hours from initial injection of the virus, correct? So outside the events of the movie and things like the time taken to let the Rock know, there is a lot of travel going on. First, the Rock is in LA and gets the info and flies to London. Next from London the squad flies to Moscow. From Moscow they fly once more to the Ukraine to infiltrate the Eteon Factory and then they fly to Samoa. So ignoring the times in the movie, how much of that 72 hours is just spent in transit? From LA to London, non-stop commercial, the fastest time is 10 hours 15 minutes From London to Moscow, non-stop commercial, the fastest time is 3 hours 45 minutes From Moscow to the Ukraine, as we don't know the actually destination within the Ukraine the average non-stop commercial flight times for the country is approximately 2 hours From the Ukraine to Samoa, we have Polly Darton's wonderfully researched 36 hours, but seeing as we know this is a chartered flight we can assume it's flying as direct as possible so no doubling back on itself. If you combine just flight times alone flying from the Ukraine to India, India to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to Fiji, Fiji to Samoa in flight time along is 25 hours and 10 minutes. This all in total adds up to a grand total of 41 hours and 10 minutes of just flying! Now we could assume The Rock is flying with the government on a private jet from LA and the flight they took from Moscow to the Ukraine was also seemingly a direct non-commercial affair. This will shave off some time but we are still looking at probably a minimum of 40 hours of flight time in the entire movie. To get into pure hypothetical territory here and say they spend 12 hours (we do know it's at least half a day) with the Rock's family in Samoa plus flight time. That's 41 plus 12 plus the 2 hour and 16 minute run time of the movie that give us a total of 55 hours about. That gives them 17 hours for non-on-screen action. If Ryan Reynolds is immediately informed of the virus, immediately tells the Rock the Rock goes straight to London and from that point everything happens in the quickest most efficient way it *might* actually be plausible. Strong emphasis on the might.
  10. Superman is much better. James Bond does not stop bullets with his hand... not yet anyway. Q get to work!
  11. Sadly Japanese doesn't work that way, but their weird katakana English does so they could have done ア・ワむルド・スピード "The Wild Speed". I just like the idea that it's one guy that's slowly giving up. "What are we going to do? They can't be that many more of these right so this is the MAX. Wait there is another? Surely this is the last MEGA MAX! What? Another? Fuck. They're going to Europe in it? Okay like Tokyo Drift this one can be EUROPE MISSION! Another? For Pete's sake. The big scene is jumping out of a plane? SKY MISSION! ANOTHER?!?! For the love of... where is that trailer... look a sub in ice... ICE BREAK! Fuck it, I'm going home now!"
  12. It's time for... How Did This Get Named? So as some of you might be aware and I mentioned last time they did one of these movies the franchise in Japan is not called Fast & Furious. Rather it is called "Wild Speed" which, if I have to take a side, is a better name. So as the series went on they just attached the 2 and Tokyo Drifter to the movies. Easy peasy. However the Fast movies are always clever with their titles and that kind of clever doesn't translate when the name has already been changed. So Fast & Furious the forth became Wild Speed Max. This was followed by Mega Max, Euro Mission, Sky Mission, and the latest being Wild Speed Ice Break. Now Hobbs and Shaw is coming out so what to do about the name? Well throw the Wild Speed in there so they know it's part of the franchise but people might not know who Hobbs and Shaw are. You are taking two unlikely people and putting them together. It's like surf and turf so some other unlikely... I got it! We shall call the movie... Wild Speed Super Combo! So actually I went to a special midnight screening of the movie. In Japan for big movies usually on opening night you get little bits and bobs. For example I got a poster for Rogue One, a Hulk weeble for Endgame, and a Deadpool key chain for Deadpool. My present for attending the midnight screening of the show was this shiny massive sticker. It's exclusive to the Kansai area as well so suck it Tokyo! Here's the thing, I don't really have anywhere to put it but it is a collectors item. However, if Tall John or Jason would like to give this sticker a loving home I'd be more than willing to send it their way.
  13. Cam Bert

    HDTGM movie defenders

    Cameron and Cowboys & Aliens sitting in a tree....
  14. Cam Bert

    Episode 219.5

    Possible explanation for the Bruce Willis story! So in this week's Unspooled episode for The Maltese Falcon, Paul is talking about how they had numbers they'd cite for certain scenes they wanted. A number 5 was an explosive shouting match. Maybe that was the number 5 that was alluded to?
  15. Cam Bert

    HDTGM movie defenders

    I just started looking through a list of films that fall into this criteria and I think the hardest thing is more so defining "genuinely like." For example, Warcraft falls into this. Now I didn't like a lot of the movie but I genuinely enjoyed the stuff with the Orcs. I thought that half of the film was enjoyable and well done while the rest was a bit of a slog. Would I watch the movie again? Probably not. Would I say I genuinely like it though? I don't know. I wouldn't say I hated it but I wouldn't defend it if somebody was talking shit about it. It's a firm "fine" does that relate to genuinely like though? Cowboys & Aliens also falls into this. They were movie that were fine but I care nothing about. I guess that's genuinely liking it then is it? So based on that here are the movies I would say I enjoyed (not it a so bad it's good way which eliminates a lot) that match this criteria: Redline, Super, MacGruber, Pandorum, Open Windows, Cooties, Deadgirl, Friday the 13th, Hot Rod, Reno 911: Maimi Beach, Saw, Eight Legged Freaks, Jackass The Movie, Wet Hot American Summer, and I'm sure some others I just missed. So that's a lot of things I was a fan of, comedies which are highly subjective and horror movies which generally don't get reviewed as well and are more niche. Can't say I'm all too surprised.
  16. Ah, I get that except I think "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" people knew they were making a legit bad movie.
  17. Cam Bert

    Episode 219.5

    As I Canadian I also feel I must chime in about poutine. I love it. My last trip back home I think I ate it once everyday or every other day a decision which will surely take 2 years off my life. However, so many people just hear about it and think they got it or can do it. It's not that simple. It's not just any cut of fry, thickness of gravy, or cheese. No. It has to be the right kind of fry, a rich thick gravy and real cheese curds. There are places here that try to make it but use wedge fries and shredded cheese. It's just wrong. The only thing that can be added to poutine and keep it poutine is Montreal smoked meat. When you start doing chilli poutin, curry chicken poutine, or things like that you're just putting stuff on fries and you are losing what makes poutine poutine. Poutine is rich, heavy, and unhealthy but so good and maybe like The Goonies, something that can only truly be appreciated on your geological place of birth. As dumb as it sounds and even though they aren't quite the right kind of fry, Costco actually does decent poutine.
  18. Cam Bert

    Episode 219.5

    I gotta echo a few things already said. Picking Jason Lives is a very odd choice. It's easily one of the best ones because it is more self aware and tries to have some fun. Yes it's the one that turns him into a zombie but at the same time it matches the tone of what they were going for. I think the only Jason movies worth talking about are Manhattan, Jason Lives and Jason X. I mean the rest are just "yep, they had no money and looks cheap." I guess you could do five in a stretch but there are other far worse and more HDTGM horror films out there. Also Fateful Findings is rough. I mean rough. It is the kind of movie that makes Birdemic look well acted, scripted and shot. Neil Breen is something they need to cover because his movies and himself are extremely... Breen. There is no other word for it. Just approach cautiously. I'm born in 1983 which makes me born between Gen X and Millennial on the timeline of things (though I do identify more with Millennial because computers were a big part of my childhood). As I result I can say I enjoy Goonies because it takes me back to watching movies on TV on weekend afternoons. As an adult I realize a lot of the movie's problems but Chunk's movie theater story will always make me smile. As far as Space Jam goes I remember seeing it in theaters. I remember enjoying it. I remember being confused by Lola Bunny but that's about where my memories end. I liked it. I for sure didn't love it or want to watch it all the time. I preferred to watch Tiny Toons or Animaniacs at the time or even the old classic WB cartoons. I also wasn't into basketball at all but of course knew Michael Jordan so that might have something to do with it as well.
  19. I know there were also musical for Jaws, Re-Animator, and Evil Dead. I don't think any of those ever made it to Broadway though.
  20. No we haven't. We haven't even done Rocky Horror. Again Shock Treatment for me doesn't fully work either. I think the reason Rocky Horror works is that it was an actual stage production. They put it up, and tested it. It was also structured more like a traditional musical. Shock Treatment and Captain Invincible were just made straight into movies and kinda lost something as a result.
  21. I can see that. It's that general vibe of "Let's take this old thing and make it a camp musical" that made it feel Rocky Horror to me. That and Christopher Lee's number with the dancers.
  22. Okay there might be an easier answer to this but I started checking out in the last third but who was the mole on the inside? After the vacuum shop set up they go back to the base and everybody is tied up and laughing they suspect a mole on the inside. Did they ever reveal who it was? I remember him talking to the President later and the conversation was odd. Was he suppose to be the mole?
  23. I really liked it overall. You should stick with it.
  24. YES! I was starting to wonder if the entire movie was going to be told via news clips because once the newsreels finish he's interviewed on the evening news as well.