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Posts posted by chanson

  1. Really? No mention of Hayes' appearance on Jeopardy? I'm so disappointed.


    I'm glad that you guys know about the rule that you have to print out and distribute copies of your poem to anyone who's near you whenever you write one. I mean, at least 12 state legislatures have already passed laws requiring that this be done and the recent public opinion polls show widespread support. I think it actually started in Oregon and then we enacted the same law here in Washington. The punishment for not doing this is actually public beheading, so it's really good that Jessica did that. I don't think it's a law in North Carolina, where Jessica's from, they aren't as progressive as we are here in the Northwest.


    Also, I know a lot about Lochtianity because I actually attend the Church of Ryan Lochte of Latter Day Saints. I don't know if you guys intended that quip about Lochte being like Jesus as a joke or what but he really is. You know, a lot of people don't know this but Jesus actually was wearing a diamond grill on the cross. Ryan Lochte also parallels Jesus in many other ways: Jesus was a carpenter who used tools, Ryan Lochte is a toolbag. See, the parallels are endless. You can read about them in the Book of Lochte: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

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  2. So, I figured I'd start this topic to centralize all of the discussions about the Real World Portland, the best show on TV.


    Episode 2 was so damn good! I seriously cannot get enough of this season. And after the snoozefest in St. Thomas I think the producers found an amazing assortment of people to put in the house this season.


    The episode starts out with Anastasia and Jordan continuing their argument from the last night. It seems to me like Jordan, although hot headed and cocky, was actually making some effort to reconcile with Anastasia, who was not having any of it. I think that was dumb, because as it turns out Jordan wasn't completely full of shit like the girls were saying. I don't know, I'm sure they're both in the wrong here but it seems like Anastasia could at least hear the man out instead of shutting him down every time he opens his mouth.


    Then we find out that Averey "[is] a very sexual person and if [she's] feeling someone [she has] a very hard time controlling [her] urges." Then Averey commits another classic Real World rookie blunder by telling her grandma that she told Johnny that "[he's] a good guy and everything but [she's] not gonna fuck [him]." By doing this she has ensured that she will, in fact, fuck him. Indeed, by the end of the episode she has, in her words, fucked him. Also her grandma seems to think that fucking someone means "laying big old wet ones on him," which could be a filthy euphemism for some dirty old person sex move but as far as I know means kissing someone. Does Averey's grandma know about sex? Should the government be providing sex ed for seniors? These are the kinds of issues you have to watch the Real World to hear about because the mainstream media (I call them the lamestream media, am I right?) just won't cover them.


    After that the housemates go on a bike ride to a fountain along the waterfront so that they can pedo it up. They remove most of their clothing and run around in the fountain with small children. Clearly MTV is trying to get that lucrative pedophile market that remains so elusive to most networks.


    Jessica's happy because she has no friends beside her mother and then tells Jordan how to act. Then we find out that Jordan's dad physically abused him. But he grew up in the country so that makes it okay.


    The guys go to one of the 200,000 crossfit gyms in the Pearl District and then in a normal, typical, casual conversation about anal sex, Marlon reveals that he's had sex with a dude. It's cool that he felt comfortable revealing that. Anastasia is super sensitive about it. In fact, I think she's the most sensitive person in the house.


    Jordan and Jessica get in an argument about what constitutes middle class. In this argument I can sort of see where Jordan's coming from, and in major cities, especially on the coasts, $50,000 a year doesn't go that far but I'm sure that in Fayetteville, NC and most other small cities and military towns it's actually quite a decent income for a family. However, technically, $50,000 a year does put one comfortably in the middle class although there is a lot of debate about what actually constitutes middle class.


    Johnny observes Alton's precedent and shows his dick.


    Jordan and Marlon go to the obligatory gay bar.


    Jordan and Jessica argue about a hookah.


    Pretty Great!

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  3. On an off note, the black dude from the first Real World: Las Vegas did that exact same move of just showing his dick to a couple of the girls. So I don’t know if that’s just a common thing or not. :mellow:


    You mean Alton? Alton is a game changer.


    In fact, game changing is similar to the common law legal system wherein higher courts can set legal precedents that must be followed by lower courts within their jurisdiction; Alton, being a game changer, has the authority (and some scholars would say the responsibility) to do things that change the game and ultimately create a precedent. Exposing his dick created a precedent that must now be observed by all future cast members. I believe Alton's jurisdiction extends to the Real World, the Challenge, and formerly extended to Road Rules. Some liberals would like to see this precedent extend all the way to Teen Mom, the Jersey Shore, and Buckwild but I believe that each show should be able to make its own rules as the founding VJs intended.


    I believe that it was the great VJ Carson Daly who said at his inauguration that "each show should remain sovereign and must be free to have a cast that can determine the standards and decorum thereof. Ought a network of sluts and whoremongers be forced to abide by the rules set by the major networks? No. This truth is self-evident. No tyrant may tell us that our standards are too low. So too must each show remain sovereign or else we risk slutty drunken behavior disappearing from the television altogether." In this speech one can see allusions to the humanist outlook of the great thinkers of the Scottish Enlightenment and a clear influence from the Magna Carta. His speach was quite fortuitous because soon after the revolutions at the major networks caused them to adopt looser standards on shows such as the Bachelor and Survivor.

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  4. I actually found myself becoming quite livid with the guys. The way they treated the girls they brought home was ridiculous. Like they couldn't even talk to them once they decided they weren't hot enough to have sex with.


    You're totally right that they were being totally lousy and terrible, no doubt about that. There's no excuse for how they were acting.


    I guess my issue is how Anastasia made such a big deal about it and escalated it (after just meeting these people) rather than just not getting involved. It just seems like she was looking for something to pounce on them about before even really getting to know them, which makes great TV, but isn't exactly the best method of operation when it comes to the first day of living in a new house with six other people you don't know. There's just something inherently unfair about that, in my opinion.


    It could just be the editing too, for all I know she could be a totally sweet girl who was just a bit defensive and nervous about being in a new living situation in a city she doesn't know with six other strangers. Maybe tonight we'll see a nicer, softer side of Anastasia that will change my mind. I hope so.

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  5. Sadly it’s not Anastasia who’s going home. She’s the one who answers the phone call of Nia saying she’s going to be their new roommate. Oh well, you can tell she’s going to be one of those that you just loooove to hate.


    God damnit, you're right.


    However, I don't think she falls into the love to hate category because she isn't evil or manipulative or anything like that. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that she probably doesn't even know that she's so terrible. That's why it hurts so much to watch her, because every breath she takes is one more opportunity for her to whine at you about some way she's been victimized by you or someone else. You can't love hating someone like that because there's no respect for the game they're playing regardless of whether you agree with it or not. In this case she's just the permanent wet blanket making a big deal about dumb shit. This is the one time that I wish the Real World had an audience vote to eliminate someone...


    Oh, but how satisfying will it be if she ever goes into the Challenge and gets destroyed in one of the physical challenges...


    I'm not normally this mean, but damn she gets to me.

  6. I want to take this time to talk about the best show on television today, Real World Portland.


    Favorite Character: Daisy. ...or Joi's butt, I think it has really stolen the show.


    So, does anyone else get a weird vibe from Averey? She seems cool but I just feel like there's some weird shit going on in that head. Maybe it's just the fact that she moved from Michigan to Tempe, AZ. I mean, who moves to Tempe voluntarily? And she's not going to ASU? What the fuck? Also, in the hot tub with Anastasia they set up the relationship between her and Johnny with her saying how she doesn't want to get involved with anyone in the house, a classic Real World mistake. And then she says "it's not like I'm gonna fall in love in three months." Oh boy, good thing we're all in on the secret that she definitely does.


    And is anyone else noticing an interest in ladies from Joi? Maybe it's just wishful thinking but she seems a little heteroflexible at the very least.


    Also, Anastasia's first words: "I'm 5'11" so I do a lot of promotional modeling." So what you're saying is that everyone who's 5'11" does promotional modeling because that's what people who are members of the 5'11" club do? I'm 5'11" and I've never done promotional modeling... I'm also a guy, but I don't see what that has to do with it. I already hate her and hope she gets hit by a hipster on a fixed gear bike or is involved in a tragic burlesque accident. Maybe it's just the fact that she meets the world with a heaping helping of incredulity and shocking mistrust. Like when the guys decide to pretend that Jordan punched Johnny, after they reveal that they were just kidding she says "I was ready to avoid you too." I don't know, that's just super dumb. Get the fuck out of everyone else's business.


    And then the sinferno at Dante's (the bar scene) with the debauchery. I like that they used this scene to show the true side of Portland. This definitely is what Portland is like, weird as fuck for the sake of being weird as fuck. Jordan meets the girl who just got married but whose husband is "very accepting," and whose relationship has "its open moments." Also a dude tries to force himself on Averey saying "it's not my fault she's into it." And innocence is lost.


    Any thoughts on why they teased so much of this season? I mean, we already know that Johnny and Averey are practically married. We know that someone gets replaced. Is it because there's so much that's gonna happen or is it because it would be fucking impossible to keep up if they didn't?




    Also, for anyone who was a fan of Buckwild, Shain Gandee, probably the best person on that show in terms of both entertainment and being the least awful, has apparently died. That's really too bad, I actually liked that guy, he seemed like a good dude. May he rest in peace and my thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends.



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  7. You know, the more I think about this the more betrayed I think we all should feel.


    How can Hayes hold out on us like this? I mean, after the hours we've spent listening to the Reality Show Show it never occurred to Hayes to let us know that he was on one of America's top game shows with a Canadian host? And also, does Sean know about this? Is he also involved in this epic cover up? Does this go up to the highest levels in the Earwolf organization? Is Jason Mantzoukas involved? The Sklar Brothers? What about Scott Aukerman himself? Is there not anyone of substance and decency in the Earwolf organization?


    Furthermore, this kind of betrayal opens the door to all sorts of other questions: Did Hayes orchestrate 9/11? Was Hayes born in Kenya? Is he a Muslim? If not, why can't we see his birth certificate? Why didn't Hayes stop Hurricane Katrina?


    So many questions. All of which are equally valid and none of which are at all ridiculous or unnecessarily confrontational and accusatory. I think we deserve answers.

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