JordanMaywood

I finally tried some craft beers and I gotta say I did NOT care for the wood glue and glitter...

In the inevitable "Howard the Duck" remake how many minutes in before a "duck face" photo joke?

Stuffed Doomsday Preppers are delicious, nutritious and bootylicious.

Does "Axe-Wielding" count as one word I can use when describing myself...?

On the road again. Fell out of my car because of my vertigo mixed with narcolepsy... road again.

"Mmeettaa" is when you are being VERY Meta.

Yo' Mama so old she plays telegram tag!

Mayday Mayday! The name of Grace Jones's character in the James Bond film "A View To A Kill" is Mayday!

From Maximum Overdrive to Minimum Underdrive there's no place like home...Except the bathroom aboard an atomic submarine!

You take the good, You take the bad, you take them both and there you have. Data Analytics & Probability curves.

If you want to be the toast of the town you need a lot of bread and a toaster and a town that loves toast to an unusual degree...

Rolled up phone books make great logs but making a cabin out of them is not recommended for any but true phonefessionals.

My silk boxer shorts slide sensually up and down the sides of the ball pit in the cool august eve...

The tongue is the strongest muscle in the Female body. Sometimes the top two strongest... *WINK*

Your never truly disappointed until you are Kevin Sorbo disappointed...

Whichever store in the Target chain of stores that makes the least amount of money in a given year should have to change its name to "Target Practice"

Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your long hair and live a little! You only get invited to the Queen's sex orgy once!

I only listen to music from Mel's Rock Pile...

Little known fact: Dr.Pepper is a Gynecologist.

Failure is not an option and neither is avocado unless you want to pay extra.

My pot brownies are so strong that are more like pot greenies...

It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and harder to ask for organ donations and easier for a piece of gum if the person has lots of gum.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy god VS. Why squirt jizz on five boxed keg clamps?

If I am doing multiple searches I prefer Googles.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Find out what it means to me... An illiterate person who is going to guess.