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sgtdraino

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Posts posted by sgtdraino

  1. Posted

    You guys MUST do this movie!!! It's got literally everything!

     

    It has...

     

    Outer space antics

    Vampire sex

    Zombies wrecking up the place

    A "ticking clock," with threat of nuclear destruction

    Hot naked people

    Characters with amusing alliterative names (Colonel Carlson & Colonel Colin Caine)

    Patrick "Picard" Stewart kissing a dude

    Awesome lines like, "This woman is a masochist! An extreme masochist!"

    Written by Dan "Alien" O'Bannon, directed by Tobe "Chainsaw Massacre" Hooper

     

    31 insane facts and lessons from Lifeforce:

     

    1. SAS agents are natural voyeurs.

     

    2. It'll be much less terrifying if you just come.

     

    3. Doctors played by Patrick Stewart will explode if sedated, beaten, kissed, and taken up in a helicopter.

     

    4. Death for SAS agents is a bureaucratic affair: who did it, when did they do it, why?

     

    5. Space vampires are the only villans to actually announce the location of their secret hideout out by emitting a massive column of blue light made of human souls that stretches for miles into space from the roof of said hideout.

     

    6. The British government is apparently made up of a series of increasingly sweaty nutbags.

     

    7. She's a masochist! An EXTREME masochist!

     

    8. Space girls are totally alien to this planet and our lifeform, and TOTALLY dangerous!

     

    9.. SAS officers when on assignment and dealing with an alien killing machine which could wipe out life as we know it are armed.......with only a raincoat!

     

    10. Sodium Pentathol can be administered to anyone as long as a cabinet minister says it's ok.

     

    11. When you see a naked alien woman walking around, try and tempt her with a sandwich.

     

    12. A wooden stake is useless when it comes to killing space vampires. A sword cast in lead is where it's at.

     

    13. If you are lucky enough to have a sword cast in lead, for heaven's sake, don't stab the space vampire in the heart. Stab precisely two inches BELOW the heart.

     

    14. Wooden gates with barbed wire can keep out diseases, apparently...

     

    15. The human lifeforce's effects on a zombie are similar to an energy drink on a human, it lasts about two hours and afterwards you explode into dust.

     

    16. Nurses taken over by naked female vampires like to stroll across fields in nothing but a trash bag and high heels.

     

    17. NEVER say "Dont worry-a naked girl is not going to get out of the building."

     

    18. It is understating the matter to assume that Peter Firth and Frank Finlay know nothing.

     

    19. Britain has a major space program to rival NASA.

     

    20. The web of destiny carries Steve Railsback's blood and soul back to the genesis of Mathilda May's lifeform.

     

    21. Leaving Mathilda May was the hardest thing that Steve Railsback ever did.

     

    22. Patrick Stewart is the feminine in Steve Railsback's mind.

     

    23. British Parachute regiment soldiers on guard duty are routinely given hand grenades

     

    24. It's possible for London to collapse in to total zombie anarchy and not know about it until you're flying over London in a helicopter.

     

    25. No one questions a Doctor like Frank Finlay when he says his real interest is death and he admits he knows how to kill space vampires.

     

    26. So long as young men are spying on space vampires and their victims - not real women hooking up in the park- there's no problem with their creepy behaviour.

     

    27. British scientifc establishments have precisely positioned hand rails on all their stairs that are intended to ensure that any naked space vampires of a certain height never reveal their genitals.

     

    28. If Patrick Stewart is ever possessed by space vampires; (1) drug him, (2) slap the crap out of him, (3) molest him, (4) and finally, take his ass to the ground and ride his back like a monkey on a epileptic pony!

     

    29. If you are a member of the government and you’re intent on saving the world… Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, bother to stop and try to save your fellow Londoner’s from space vampire zombies. Run pass the little old lady being knocked to the ground. Don’t stop to save the pregnant woman and child. After all, you have a job to do.

     

    30. In the event that zombies attack London, the government will sterilyze the area using "nuclear purification."

     

    31. It was the giiiirl! The GIIRRRRLL!!!

     

    Here's a review:

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfM7bwVEfEQ

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