jaymanthegreat

I'm pretty sure sex is just an excuse for guys to ejaculate.

Whose woods these are, I think I know... Mainly because of that sign that says, "These be Ted's woods."

Julie Taymor Syndrome is when a director begins to think that all their ideas are good ideas.

A generous portion of beef, a dry run of exotic herbs and spices, and a dab of crème fraiche... Now I'm ready for humping.

If I hear one more sound out of that ukelele, Carl, I'm shoving it up your butt.

My computer keeps telling me to login. I've sung Highway to the Danger Zone, Footloose, and the entirety of Return to Pooh Corner and still nothing!

Ben just moved to a new flat in a new city in a new town. And to think, he could just have had a V8!

Two pickles is better than one cucumber, unless you prefer cucumbers.

Late at night at can still hear her voice, full of longing, whispering "How much longer? I really need to pee."

I'm not a betting man, but only because I told Todd I'd get a sex change if he could eat ten cheeseburgers.

Today, tonight, tomorrow, to life, l'chaim, la cage, la bomba, bombs away, awake, wake up, morning, today.

Traci answered one of my #HelpMeRhonda questions in this episode, which blew my mind. Not just because today is my birthday, but because on this day, my birthday, last year she and Scott Aukerman discussed my catchphrase on Comedy Bang! Bang!

Newly added to the Earwolf line on programming.

I don't think it's fair that other people in the world can eat crullers too.

"I cannot help but love you," she whispered into my ear. Then the two walked into the sunset, leaving me alone and with significant hearing loss.

There was a time once that I could never eat eight reubens in a single setting. And now, I still can't!

This bird of mine be moltin' To the tunes of Michael Bolton And it may be rather joltin' But it's a totally acceptable practice.

Always remember, the sight of a 400 lb walrus is arousing to other walruses.

I'm not a member of the Turkey Club, but no one questions me when I order their special sandwich.

Seltzer water? No thanks. Seltzer milk. Seltzer. Milk.

There's an actual TV drama called "Secrets and Lies"? I bet its followed by that new sitcom, "Misunderstandings and Overreactions"

Come to think of it, all Mexican coke is better than American coke.

Mommy! Teddy ate my popsicle! I demand Spartan justice!

To the stars, I say! To the stars! Let us touch ourselves to the stars!

Phillip fellates fece-filled felines. It's disgusting but alliterative.