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Everything posted by jaymanthegreat

  1. Whiten my teeth, bleach my butt... Whiten my teeth, bleach my butt... This peroxide gotta go somewhere!
  2. Hello fellow catchphrasers, 2014 was a good year for me catchphrase-wise. I only started posting catchphrases in June and in that time Mr Aukerman chose my catchphrases for six episodes. Is this because I'm a catchphrase genius? Hardly. Its because I noted a number of unspoken guild lines Mr Aukerman seems to use when selecting his catchphrases. I share these guild lines with you to help us all develop better catchphrases and give us all a better chance at having them picked. 1 - Vulgarity doesn't work. While Mr Aukerman may sometimes pick a catchphrase that is sexual in nature, he only does when it is light-hearted. He also tends to avoid cursing. 2 - Never use the words "Comedy Bang Bang" or any variation thereof. He already has his intro down. He says the catchphrase and then says "Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang." He never breaks this pattern and will never choose a catchphrase the asks him to do so. 3 - Don't make references to the show or its guests. The universe of the show belongs to Mr Aukerman and his guests, the catchphrase is always independent of it. 4 - Don't reference current events or trends. 5 - Don't make it too long. While longer catchphrases are picked occasionally, in general, if you can't fit it withing the subject line of the topic, its too long. The most basic rule is this: make it fun, not funny. Don't make it a pun, don't make a joke, just make it fun for Mr Aukerman to say with enthusiasm. That doesn't mean it can't be a pun or joke, but that is not a requirement and needn't be your goal. After all, what was so funny about "What's up, Hotdog?" Anyway, feel free to take my advice or not. Its done well for me, but to each his own. Happy catchphrasing!
  3. Suddenly I felt my compelled to give my good friend, Mr Sherlock Holmes, a slap across the face, shouting, "Your mother's elementary!"
  4. Prithee, what ist that is up, O dog of great heat?
  5. England is good. England is great. Whether you're a chap or bloke or mate. Sipping tea with sheep in fields. Pickled fish and sausage with every meal.
  6. We have an American playing Sherlock Holmes and a Brit playing Superman. Let's all admit that they were both mistakes and move on
  7. Success is not final, failure is not fatal. Unless you succeeded at catching pneumonia to get out of work, but failed to properly recover.
  8. "By George! You've done it again, Holmes!" I cried. "Yes, my good Watson," was his reply, "Ten pints in twenty minutes. Tomorrow-- twelve!"
  9. "Brilliant, Holmes!" I ejaculated, which was a perfectly acceptable synonym for "exclaimed" in my day.
  10. As Churchill said, “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be disgusted by my behavior at this child’s party."
  11. Can't say I'm for Queen and Country. I like the former band, but the latter genre is not for me.
  12. Life is but a lightly-jogging shadow (this quote has been updated to meet new federal guidelines on fitness.)
  13. I have no Doubt, sir. But there are many other Meryl Streep movies to choose from.
  14. As I watched her walk out of the house and out of my life, I couldn't help but think, "dinosaurs are cool."
  15. The Mohawk were an Iroquoian-speaking indigenous people living and hunting in upstate New York and Vermont. The Mullet people invented the beer-cozy.
  16. Seeing your lady on the regs, great. Seeing her on the rags, not great, but I'll do it. On the rags on the regs? See a doctor!
  17. No! Use baby powder on your fanny, don't use your fanny to powder the baby!
  18. Download, upload, overload, get loaded, loaded baked potatoes... None of these are the type of load you blow, children.
  19. Whiten my teeth, bleach my butt... Whiten my teeth, bleach my butt... This peroxide gotta go somewhere!
  20. I'm back, in black, eatin' a snack, having a whack, fearing an attack.
  21. I don't know much about North Dakota, but why aren't people concerned about Dennis Rodman building nukes there?
  22. When I was young, courting meant sharing a milk shake and holding hands, now it's all kale smoothies and fisting.
  23. I told her everything tastes better fried in bacon grease, but my burnt peen remained untasted.
  24. All-you-can-eat sushi is only good if you like sushi.