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Posts posted by jaymanthegreat
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Squeeze to see if it's ripe, check for bruises on its flesh, then let it go. It's too good for you.
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A lack of planning on your end does not constitute an emergency on mine, God.
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Time is every where, stretching across all of space, from the farthest stars to right up your pee-hole.
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I love my life, but I'd never say anything. I don't want to ruin what we have.
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Enough with this phoney war on drugs! Let's have a real war, on drugs!
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Hope springs eternal in the human breast. It's called momma milk and me likes it!
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Bros before hoes, unless they're schmoes. That's how it goes, as any bro knows.
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Oh no! The Cheese Baron's got my girl! I camenbert it!
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Dr. Watson wasn't a doctor nor the son of a man named Wat.
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Time can pass, gas can pass, people pass too. And yet the Time Gas People of my native planet stay still.
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She had a one-night stand with a one-man band, satisfying her one-thing gland.
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Space pants are just like regular pants only in space!
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Tomorrow's soup of the day will be meatloaf.
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Even the most fruitful endeavor is lacking in vegetables, grains, and proteins.
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At this juncture I felt inclined to slap my friend, Sherlock Holmes, across the face, stating, "Your mother's elementary!"
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Popping-Cherry Blumpkins, that is what they use to call me. Now I am Popping-Zits Santorum.
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You can candy coat it all you want, but I ain't ever eating your baloney.
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Sweet love songs fill the room, but my baby gots no ears.
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You can pick plums, pick a guitar, or pick out the right tie for the occasion, but no one's ever gonna call you Pickie.
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Sometimes my boogers taste like garlic. Not that I eat them. I just assume
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My mother told me people will lie to get attention and seem interesting. But I was still thinking about her alien abduction story.
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Her lips said no and so did her eyes. Good thing too, those talking eyes were creepy.
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Death was at my door, but I was in the shower. The note he left was poorly written.
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Reverse scuba diving is just as fun as it sounds.
Sweet is the sound of my lover's moan. Must have been bitten by a choco-beast.
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Sweet is the sound of my lover's moan. Must have been bitten by a choco-beast.