When John Smith told the crowd "Lets be friends with the savages," they only responded with pilgrumbles.

[When John Smith told the crowd "Lets be friends with the savages," they only responded with pilgrumbles.]

When John Smith told the crowd "Lets be friends with the savages," they only responded with pilgrumbles.

[Mashin' da taters. Mashin' da taters. Turkey, Gravy, Yum. T'gving!]

Mashin' da taters. Mashin' da taters. Turkey, Gravy, Yum. T'gving!

[Don't fear what others will say, fear alligators. Deadly, deadly alligators.]

Don't fear what others will say, fear alligators. Deadly, deadly alligators.

['Tis not in vain what we do today. No matter what the outcome, our actions will be remembered by Burt, the guy next store.]

'Tis not in vain what we do today. No matter what the outcome, our actions will be remembered by Burt, the guy next store.

[By Samuel L. Jackson's hipster glasses, I will find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar!]

By Samuel L. Jackson's hipster glasses, I will find out who stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

[I swear, that apple got those bruises falling out of a bag.]

[My extra-sensitive toothpaste gets upset when I use other toothpastes.]

Ha!

[I swear, that apple got those bruises falling out of a bag.]

I swear, that apple got those bruises falling out of a bag.

[My extra-sensitive toothpaste gets upset when I use other toothpastes.]

My extra-sensitive toothpaste gets upset when I use other toothpastes.

[Love is in the air, or at least it has been ever since I started carrying this open container of paint under my face.]

Love is in the air, or at least it has been ever since I started carrying this open container of paint under my face.

[Do you hear the people sing? Because there are no people around. I suggest seeking out the nearest mental health professional.]

Do you hear the people sing? Because there are no people around. I suggest seeking out the nearest mental health professional.

[I'm a bit of a peeping Tom, but only with guys named Tom, so it cancels itself out.]

I'm a bit of a peeping Tom, but only with guys named Tom, so it cancels itself out.

[In the end, all those tacos will never fill the hole that she left. Unless it was a taco hole.]

In the end, all those tacos will never fill the hole that she left. Unless it was a taco hole.

[He jumped out screaming "Boo!" But the joke's on him, 'cause that's not my name!]

He jumped out screaming "Boo!" But the joke's on him, 'cause that's not my name!

[I put my little guy in a swiss cheese hole, in a swiss cheese hole. I put my little guy in a swiss cheese hole just in time for lunch!]

I put my little guy in a swiss cheese hole, in a swiss cheese hole. I put my little guy in a swiss cheese hole just in time for lunch!

[Hey kids! Remember, if you really want to be super cool, just forget to wear a jacket!]

Hey kids! Remember, if you really want to be super cool, just forget to wear a jacket!

[In a child's laughter, I too find joy. In a kitten's purr, I too find comfort. In the song of a bird, I too find orgasmic delight.]

In a child's laughter, I too find joy. In a kitten's purr, I too find comfort. In the song of a bird, I too find orgasmic delight.

[It is undeniable that beeswax makes a soufflé absolutely inedible.]

It is undeniable that beeswax makes a soufflé absolutely inedible.

[What say you, brothers? Shall we give up like a band of loggerhead wastrels? Or shall we stand, proud as men have ever stood, and fight...]

...for our right to eat 40 ounces of chocolate pudding in our underwear on Saturdays?!

[I do everything like a boss, in that I pay someone else to do them.]

I do everything like a boss, in that I pay someone else to do them.

[I have a fetish for staring at my own flaccid penis. It's kinda hard.]

I have a fetish for staring at my own flaccid penis. It's kinda hard.

[Coco Fudge, Majestic Maple, Midsummer Flame... those are either paint colors or what the ladies called me in college.]

Coco Fudge, Majestic Maple, Midsummer Flame... those are either paint colors or what the ladies called me in college.

[Let us thank Lee de Forest for creating something he didn't understand that allows us to share our words today.]

Let us thank Lee de Forest for creating something he didn't understand that allows us to share our words today.

[Mm, mm, mm, mm, mmmmm.... menstruation.]

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mmmmm.... menstruation.

[All that rapping and tapping at my chamber door has got me movin' and a-grovin' forevermore!]

All that rapping and tapping at my chamber door has got me movin' and a-grovin' forevermore!