Tedman

Do I Drink Because I Stink, or do I Stink because I Drink?

Hogwarts? More like Scott-Sharts

Hello? Hey, Scott! I'm here! Do you hear me? This isn't funny anymore. Are you hearing this? HELLO!!!! Please! Why won't you answer me? Can you? Can anyone? Am I completely and totally alone? Scott?!? I'm not a religious man, and I swore I wouldn't bargain with God on my deathbed, but my penis is stuck under this boulder and I'm not sure I'm going to make it.

Here's a popular spider joke: How many spiders have broken Taylor Swift's Heart? The answer: Ah, like a million!

Don't go breaking my fart. You couldn't if you tried. Scratch that, it done broke.

Hi-yah! Kick! Hi-yah! Why can't I beat you Menopause?!?

"It's a zoo out there," says the jaded zoo keeper