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Everything posted by GiveMeYourBaby

  1. GiveMeYourBaby

    A Time to Kill (1996)

    Catoonishly racist thugs rape and attempt to kill Samuel Jackson's daughter, in response Jackson shoots them dead in the court house. Matthew McConaughey is his lawyer The majority of the movie revolves around McConaughey establishing an insanity defense that makes no sense. Here's a list of bonkers things that happen as part of the movie: At one point as part of a C-plot the NAACP is framed as a villain. Kevin Spacey plays a young version of Francis Underwood McConaughey, ostensibly the hero of the movie, drives drunk multiple times. Sandy Bullocks appears as a Northern white savior for McConaughey's Southern white savior There is a very dumb running joke about McConaughey mispronouncing the name "Roark" as "Ro-ark". Instead of running away from a bomb planted at his his house McConaughey picks it up, thereby triggering the explosive, and chucks it just far enough away that no one gets hurt. As the only lawyer in a struggling legal practice McConaughey has somehow racked up a $2,000 electric bill in 1996 dollars. Multiple people are almost murdered as part of the KKK protests of the trial and no one suggests that they move the trial. Sam Jackson definitely killed those guys and doesn't have a real defense. Oliver Platt's hair and extraneous character McConaughey goes temporarily insane when he thinks his dog has been blown up. People keep referencing how "there hasn't been any Klan in [Mississippi town where the movie takes place] for years." As though Klan members in other parts of Mississippi couldn't easily show up there. There's a D-plot about a Klan member that's secretly a good guy that never goes anywhere other than him giving McConaughey a head's up when they plan on blowing up his house, etc. A big chunk of the defense rests on the concept that a key witness is not really a statutory rapist if she was 17 and he was only 6 six years older than her. (Did Roy Moore write this movie) McConaughey gives a big speech about the assault on Jackson's daughter and ends it with "now imagine she's white", as though the audience couldn't have empathy with a non-white child victim until McConaughey pointed it out. The ending credit music is a gospel choir. The subject matter may make this too dark for HDTGM but if you told me the guy that made Batman & Robin also made a movie about race relations, this is more perfect than anything I could imagine.
  2. GiveMeYourBaby

    Iron Mask (2019)

    Jackie Chan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, AND bad CGI? Seems like a winner especially since the plot appears unintelligible. They go from the Tower of London to the Silk Road? Why do all these China financed movies take place on the Silk Road a la Dragon Blade?
  3. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 248 Velocipastor

    I did not enjoy watching this movie. If you are going to wink then wink hard. There were long stretches of this movie where things were played fairly straight and boring. How can a 70 minute movie seem too long? The only parts I enjoyed were the bits with Frankie Mermaids. This might be due to seeing the raptor/ninja fight a couple years ago on youtube so its intentional shittiness wasn't novel anymore. If you want to do another satirical, low budget film then I would recommend Cannibal the Musical. The South Park guys made it while they were still in film school. It's much weirder and funnier movie. It might actually be too good for a HDTGM.
  4. Emma Watson CANNOT sing, which seems like a problem for a musical Luke Evans weighs 160 lbs, a proper Gaston would eat him for breakfast on top of his five dozen eggs The CGI is a weird uncanny valley where it's not quite photorealistic nor fantastic The Josh Gad character is a just a mess
  5. GiveMeYourBaby

    Beauty and the Beast (2017)

    This movie was bad and weird.
  6. GiveMeYourBaby

    The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

    There's a ton of expository only dialogue and other goofy nonsense. It's available on Seth Rogan's favorite streaming service Tubi.
  7. GiveMeYourBaby

    Kickboxer (1989)

    Maybe they can do some back to back shows where they do this one and one of the sequels that look pretty bad in their own right.
  8. GiveMeYourBaby

    The Last Days of American Crime (2020)

    This movie is very much based around what Euro trash coke heads think is cool. A lot of the dialogue/plot makes no sense. There's a scene half way through that is The Room level bonkers.
  9. GiveMeYourBaby

    Wing Commander (1999)

    This looks like an aggressively 90s movie. Nick Wiger talked about it on another podcast so this could be a could cross over episode with How Did This Get Played.
  10. GiveMeYourBaby

    Purple Rain (1984)

    It is an awesome film. It is also extremely weird and I would love to get everyone's takes on how and why it was made.
  11. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 233 — Space Jam LIVE!

    How hard is it to get guests for road shows? I would have loved Hannibal Burress's takes on this movie.
  12. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 233 — Space Jam LIVE!

    First off I want qualify that I was not the adult man in a diaper. Secondly, I feel like there needed to be more discussion of Lola Bunny who launched a thousand furry fetishes; in a kids' movie no less. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5I_AfsgdPU/?igshid=yeoj6jsm0km4 Thirdly as a Chicagoan(suburbs count fight me) I feel like this episode totally counteracted the good will from taking down our collective cinematic villain (Blues Brothers 2000). The soundtrack was great, kids loved it, it's already a movie where cartoon characters exist in parallel to normal reality so why are you looking for plot holes in the sci-aspects? PS. Why no discussion of Wayne Knight's hero's journey? He follows Michael into Tune World when no one else will. He steps into the game against the Monstars knowing that they will annihilate him. He should be the protagonist of the movie.
  13. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 232.5 — Minisode 232.5

    I have a lot of questions regarding the selection of Space Jam. First of them, how dare you?
  14. GiveMeYourBaby

    Predators (2010)

    A lot of big acting choices on display.
  15. GiveMeYourBaby

    Splice (2009)

    Maybe too gross to talk about.
  16. GiveMeYourBaby

    Dolemite (1975)

    They really should do a run of blaxploitation films. I remember Black Belt Jones was another good one.
  17. GiveMeYourBaby

    Tremors (1990)

    Maybe do one of the sequels. They got pretty bad.
  18. GiveMeYourBaby

    The Punisher (2004)

    Travolta's acting is practically Cage-ian.
  19. GiveMeYourBaby

    Evolution (2001)

    There is so much to talk about in this movie. It has perhaps the stupidest deus ex machina in the history of film. Julianne Moore is reduced to a sex object. Pervasive racism. Most of the movie makes absolutely no sense. Reitman was trying to replicate the success of Ghostbusters and failed. I actually liked this film when it came out. It's on HBOGo. Check it out for some great bad movie masochism.
  20. The Matts from the James Bonding podcast (View to a Kill) recommended this movie, but it is so bad. Things that are bad: The "The Room" style sex scene on a stairwell. Renee Russo's hair. When were rat's nests in style? Also Dennis Leary's bowl cut nightmare. Brosnan's therapist who is both an awful expository device and incredibly unprofessional. Renee Russo gets upset that Brosnan and her aren't exclusive after boning twice over five days. The cops get fooled by multiple men wearing bowler hats. Pierce Brosnan's character is a huge asshole but gets portrayed as charming. He's a billionaire that steals art for fun. Instead of leaving an important piece of art in a museum for other people to appreciate he takes it and hides it somewhere only he gets to see it. The reveal at the end doesn't make it any better. He still wasted a shit load of the NYPD's time that could have been used to solve real crimes instead of elaborate pranks. He hires a group of Romanians to stage a diversionary robbery and hangs them out to dry by making it impossible for them to escape. No honor among thieves indeed. The phrase "fugitives with means" is uttered in a conversation where Pierce convinces Russo that as long as you have lots of money you can be happy even if you can never go back to your home country.
  21. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 166 - Timecop: LIVE!

    This is my metacorrection and omission post. A lot of posters have brought up the inconsistency of JCVD's time car having to come back before it left 2004. I think this can be resolved by it arriving at the exact instance that it left; appearing to have not moved even though the car and its contents have traveled through time. This would resolve one issue with the scientific problems with Timecop, the conservation of mass. Though that opens things up to questioning how the mass transferred to the past exists. Maybe the act of time travel creates an opening in the closed system of universal mass. Secondly the suggestion that Silva could go back in time and utilize a sports book to garner 50 million dollars is a little unrealistic. Bets that pay out more than a few ten thousand dollars would be very rare and suspicious. He would have to place 500 wagers that payed out $100,000 to get there. There only a few sports booking organizations that could withstand those kinds of losses and they would be highly incentivized to track down who was burning them. It seems like future mob bosses might acquire time travel technology ala Looper to prevent this exact thing from happening. Placing smaller wagers would add a shit load of extra work. These are the exact things that should be ringing Timecop alarm bells.
  22. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 165 - Ninja Terminator: LIVE!

    Does Stitcher Premium do the same thing as Howl and only let you download episodes to your phone or stream on your computer?
  23. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 165 - Ninja Terminator: LIVE!

    Were the guys Jaguar fights before going to the restaurant part of any of the illicit organizations in the movie, or where they just dudes that like to play catch and hate giving directions more than anything in the world?
  24. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 165 - Ninja Terminator: LIVE!

    The ninja statue appears to grant brief invulnerability to a specific part of your body depending on which section of the statue you possess, but you have to do some sort of prayer/qi focusing first. Doesn't that make the statue's powers kind of worthless except for preplanned exhibitions like the ninja master does at the very beginning? Tomashi dies because he tries to use the statue, but a single anonymous henchman ninja is fast enough to kill him before he can activate it.
  25. GiveMeYourBaby

    Episode 165 - Ninja Terminator: LIVE!

    I want to talk about how in the beginning of the movie during the ninja chase sequence, the film was sped up so that ninjas who were speed walking looked like they were going a little bit faster, but they still would have looked cooler/moved faster if they were just filmed running at a normal speed. During the funeral exposition scene Tomashi's brother says "this whole thing, it's damn suspicious..they found pieces of metal in his back...someone must have wanted him dead"...uh yeah getting murdered by ninja throwing stars is pretty suspicious. The movie has a two year time skip between the opening scene and the rest of the movie, so the Ninja Empire has a two year and 3 days return policy for magical artifacts? Eye liner guy and Richard Harrison demonstrate their ninja prowess by cutting a watermelon and spinning a rope with some fire on the end of it in a circle. Neither one of those things is very impressive.