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About clever_hans

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  1. clever_hans

    Episode 143 - Gods of Egypt

    That's a fair point, but they would just need to be in love with someone else, not necessarily their spouse. I mean, little Bon Jovi and whatsherface weren't married, and she was dead at the time, and that still counted.
  2. clever_hans

    Episode 143 - Gods of Egypt

    They mentioned this in the episode, but the goddess of love says at one point that she can control someone's mind unless their heart belongs to another. So, anyone in a relationship then? That seems like a pretty big limitation on your god power. Good thing those sand worms weren't a couple. I also liked that shot of the underworld happily returning to normal after Gerard Butler and the giant were defeated. Don't worry poor people, now that that's all resolved we'll get the line moving and have you off to nonexistence in no time! Was I the only one hoping, when Jaime Lannister's jewel-eye was rolling down the side of the tower, that he would need to dive and catch it right in the socket? Definitely the most disappointing part of this movie. Since we have three weeks to kill in this thread, I'll add this: At the end of Old Dogs, it says the epilogue is one year later. John Travolta and Aunt Becky also say that their baby is three months old. That means that, just days after meeting and immediately following that group therapy/pie-eating/jokerface scene, he took her home and rawdogged her.
  3. As a high school teacher, I had problems with a few of the educational practices in this movie. First of all, JLo is teaching AP Classics, a course that does not exist, and which if it did would probably have to cover more than just The Iliad over the entire year. And yes, it would generally be weird for a teacher to request a specific student be added to their class without any input from the student themselves, but its especially weird here given that the request was made before the first day of school, and Noah is a new transfer student who, as we later learn, doesn't have a transcript. How would she even know that he would be "an asset to the class"? That missing transcript raises more issues. As Vice Principal Chenoweth says after the fight, she checked Noah's file and didn't find a transcript, so she called his old school and learned that he was kicked out. If they didn't already have any of that information, that means that this high school just let a twenty year old man show up and start taking classes without any official record of who he was or whether he should be there, which is not a great policy.
  4. clever_hans

    Episode 131 - The Covenant

    This one's been covered pretty thoroughly. I would just like to point out that you could easily reduce the entire cast down to Chase, blond girl, Caleb, and Caleb's parents, and not impact the story at all. The other girl doesn't matter, the dead kid doesn't matter, the provost doesn't matter, the cops don't matter, the other bully doesn't matter, and the three fourths of the covenant miss the climax of the movie and an important lesson about teamwork because they are in the hospital or sitting around at a dance. The movie feebly attempts to give these other characters something to do by having Chase give the roommate the spider allergy curse, which he says is just to get to Pogue, who he also puts in the hospital just to get to Caleb. But why? It's not as though Caleb is hiding out or something, you see him at school every day. Just go pull him aside in the locker room and tell him your evil plan. Literally, the only character in this movie with any kind of arc is Caleb's father, who makes the momentous decision to sacrifice himself for his son five minutes after he is introduced.
  5. clever_hans

    Episode 130 - Teen Witch

    And because witches and ducks weigh the same.
  6. clever_hans

    Episode 130 - Teen Witch

    I could probably write a whole essay just on the horrifying implications of that voodoo doll. Exactly how much is Mr. Weaver's free will now tied to that thing? Was he able to re-dress himself on his own, or did he have to wait for Luis to put the clothes back on the doll? Is he now trapped in that exact outfit forever? How far would he have been compelled to go to find a staircase or car wash? What happens if, say, one of the legs gets ripped off? I'm pretty sure the most unforgivable thing Luis does in this movie is just leave the doll lying on the stairs for her brother to find, given how easily it could have led to a man disemboweling himself in the middle of the street. Also, no one has brought up the scene where Madame Serena shows Luis the 1600's yearbook with both of their pictures. Does this mean that witches are reincarnated every thirty generations or so? Is Madame Serena immortal? Is Luis immortal? Are her parents actually her parents, or has she somehow been total recalled into believing that she's their sixteen year-old daughter in order to protect her from the truth? Speaking of which, if you want to see another great performance by Richie, check out Kathryn Bigelow's solo directing debut Near Dark, in which he plays the classic role of the old, immortal vampire trapped in a little kid's body. And my vote for the worst line that hasn't been mentioned yet is Hats describing her crush on Top That guy: "He's really nice and really funny. I heard him in class once (???), and he has the cutest walk."
  7. clever_hans

    Episode 97.5 — Minisode 97.5

    That theory about Rhinestone taking place in an alternate universe where recorded music doesn't exist also explains June's comment about Sly's performance of Tutti Frutti, and how it sounds like he's not hearing the song correctly. In world where definitive recordings of Tutti Frutti and Old MacDonald don't exist, maybe it's a Nell-type situation where his character just learned those songs from somebody with severe hearing and/or speech issues.
  8. clever_hans

    Episode 94.5 — Minisode 94.5

    All that anyone ever needs to know about this movie is that Kim Kardashian's performance is one of its highlights.
  9. clever_hans

    Episode 89 — Gooby

    I know this was discussed in the episode, but I think it's important to break down just how insane the whole soccer sequence is. The kids are playing soccer, a ball is flung high into the air, Willy sees that it's going to hit Colin, and rather than, I don't know, catch it, or swat it away, Willy's response is to shove Colin to the ground and get hit instead. Colin gets hit anyway, meaning that Willy actually pushed him into the path of the ball, and he was injured badly enough that Willy was pulled from class to keep him company at the nurse for the rest of the day. Then, the school calls Willy's home and says there's been an emergency, without ever mentioning that Willy himself was not hurt. For those of you discussing the rom-com soundtrack, I believe the song that abruptly starts playing while they run around the supermarket has the chorus, "Every time your eyes meet mine, heaven seems to be just a little bit closer", which could just as easily be about stalking and murdering someone as falling in love. When Willy goes missing, we see his parents go out and open the door to the shed, it cuts away, and then we later hear his mother refer to what they found out there. I'm pretty sure the reason there's no scene of them going inside is that even for this movie, it would be too upsetting to show the moment where they discover that there's been a stranger living in there for weeks, and immediately realize that their son is almost certainly already dead. Exactly how long was Willy hanging from that beam while his father drove over? Bad plan, Gooby. When Gooby is passed on to the girl at the end, why even change back into a toy? Just walk right over and introduce yourself. Gooby apparently didn't do shit for Willy in toy form, and didn't really fulfill his purpose until he was seen by Willy's parents, who had no problem accepting that they live in a world where magic exists and any inanimate object might have a soul.