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watchayakan

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Posts posted by watchayakan

  12. Posted

    [so, we are finally here at the historic 100th Survivor Season Finale. And what a Season it has been with lots of back-stabbing, ultra-alliances, violent family visits and gross-out medvacs. Last week saw our favourite villian Kass voted out to leave a final 3 of Noel Gallagher, Chris Martin from Coldplay and fan fave Joe McGurl. We now join our ever youthful dear leader President Jeff Probst, as he welcomes the audience and viewers at home.]

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    Jeff Probst: "Welcome everyone, both live in-studio and at home on your ShowFace devices, to the Season Finale of Survivor: Second Chansons, the most popular show in the World."

     

    The crowd goes wild.

     

    Jeff P: "Joining me here are my co-hosts Sean and Hayes from Hollywood Handbook, the Podcast, Movie and Video Game"

     

    Hayes: "Welcome to Survivor Finale an insiders guide to the lined-up castaways of this season we call Second Chansons"

    Sean "Whatup, whatup"

     

    The crowd goes wild.

     

    Jeffy P: “Now, Sean and Hayes, before we get to the votes, who do you think is going to win this Season and be named the castaway that Outwitted, OutSmarted, Outfunnied and OutCooled ?”

     

    Sean: “Well Probsty, this has been a great Season. We saw ol’ Noel makes some real hard moves to get to the final 3, and Chris Martin from Coldplay made some great social moves in the game, but Joe McGurl has really been on a winning streak -- he won every Immunity Challenge and really controlled the game. So, I would have to give it to McGurl for the win.”

     

    Hayes nods his head in agreement and The crowd goes Wild.

    Probsty: "Okay, I have to say I one hundred percent agree with you Sean and looks like everyone here does too. Okay let’s get to it, the vote count !

     

    Jeffrey P climbs into a hot-air balloon and balloons across the stage. He jumps out of the balloon, pulls on a pair of rollerskates and skates over to where the final 3 sit.

     

    Probst: “Before I read the votes, I have a couple of questions for our final 3.”

     

    The crowd goes mildly groany

     

    JP: “Noel, at the family visit, your brother Liam came on which we all remember”

     

    A clip plays of Noel and Liam happily reuniting and hugging for 5 seconds before Noel starts punching Liam in the face yelling “fuck you, pretty boy”.

     

    The crowd goes completely Wild and a fight breaks out between two guys in the front row. Jeff straps on his rocket back-pack, flies over to where the fight is and handily smacks down the two dudes until security takes them out. Jeff jet-packs back to the stage.

     

    Probst: “Noel, how are things with your brother now?”

    Noel G: “That f*****g cunt can s**k my d***k”

    Probst” “Okay, now, onto you Chris Martin. Everyone here remembers what happened at the food auction right?”

     

    The audience cheers and laughs simultaneously.

     

    A clips plays of Trader Jeff’s when Chris Martin of Coldplay bid all of his money on a covered item which was revealed to be some kind of Goop.

     

    Jeff: “Chris, you have bid your money on some kind of Goop. If you eat this, the whole tribe will get a bag of beans to take back to camp”

    CMoC: “What’s innit ?”

    Jeff: “I can’t reveal that until after you’ve eaten it …. all of it”

    Chris looks around at the rest of the tribe who are pleading with him to just eat it already. Joe McGurl comes up, puts a hand on CM’s shoulder and says “we’re here for you Chris, you can do this”

     

    After CM finishes the last of the Goop, Jeff hands him a bag of beans to take back to camp.

     

    Jeff: “How was it?” he asks Chris

    CMoC: “Salty and kind of Goopy”

    Jeff: “Well, you just ate mushed-up paper copies of all of your ex-wives blog posts about cleanses. Also, I pissed on them”

    The clip ends with Chris puking and Joe McGurl rubbing his back.

     

    Back in studio, the camera cuts to Gwyneth and Jennifer Lawrence sitting awkwardly next to each other in the audience.

     

    The crowd is really enjoying that.

     

    Jeff: “And finally, our last member of the Final 3, Joe McGurl.”

     

    The camera cuts to Malcolm and “No-Collar” Joe waving “#1 Handsome Boy” signs

    The crowd goes wild.

     

    Jeff: “Now, McGurl, you played a pretty flawless game. How did you do it ?”

    Joe: “Well, I made some great alliances, found a bunch of immunity idols, won a tonne of challenges and never had my name written down once Jeff”

    Jeff: “And, after you won the last immunity challenge, you really could have taken anyone to the final with you, yet you didn’t bring a goat such as Kass.”

    Joe: “Well Jeff, Noel and Chris were my alliance from the start and I wanted to honor that. At the end of the day, Jeff, I just knew that I had Outwitted and Outhandsomed these guys.”

    The crowd cheers. Someone from the audience shouts out “We love you Joe”.

    Jeff: “Okay, let’s read the votes !”

     

    Jeff climbs into a canoe and paddles down the makeshift white-water rapids that had been built in the studio to another separate stage. At the end of the river Jeff does a quick canoe roll for the audience and climbs out of the canoe, soaking wet.

     

    Jeff starts to read out the votes: “Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe …”

     

    With each Joe the crowd cheers.

     

    Jeff: “And the Winner of Survivor: Second Chansons is Joe McGurl”

     

    Noel and Chris Martin from Coldplay shake Joe’s hand and Sean and Hayes high-five each other.

     

    The audience goes to watch Wild, the Reese Witherspoon movie.

     

    The End.

    by Dalton Ross Matthews, Entertainment Monthly.

     

    Happy birthday Joe !

    Lol

     

    No seriously, I LOVED this.

    • Like 3

  18. Posted

    This is not a very diverse forum. If I had to guess, I'd say the majority of forumers are white males in their 20s-30s, college educated, bearded, play an instrument (guitar), like "indie" movies and music, and probably some of those craft beers too. Does that sound about right?

    Does neckbeard count? Also I do not play an instrument or drink craft beers.

    • Like 2
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