Spunky Foonerism

For my musical training, I elected to go broad rather than deep. So I can play "Hot Cross Buns" on any instrument, just like Prince. I'm not sure if there's a market for an all "hot cross buns" cover band, but I doubt we'd have many competitors.

I'll say it if nobody else will. Are you secretly a baby?

Repo Man.

I was trying to be clever and funny, but looking back at what I wrote, it was mostly just wise and insightful. If my mistake benefitted you, then I'm glad.

Sometimes I think that everything would be better if I could just go back and spend more time thinking about the past.

Depends what you mean by "a lot." And by "past." In any case, the answer is sometimes*. *I don't feel comfortable speaking for the ladies on this, but you did address your question specifically to the guys.

That is uncanny. If that wasn't my origin story before, it sure as hell is now. And you're not far off on several of the details!

Whoa there, pal! I gotta keep some stuff in reserve, I've only been on here for two days. No story right now, but I might put a photo of them and swap their faces to protect their anonymity.

I missed that. I was mistaking it for the step-dads thing from this thread that we are doing right now. I fucked up again, I don't know all the inside jokes yet, and now I feel like a big stupid idiot. I have a dad AND a step-dad, and now I'm wondering if I should post a pic of the two of them together because they were best friends in college. Maybe that would make up for this huge blunder.

It's not like the dad-photos thing, because nobody actually did that, whereas we are at one and counting on the secret crush stalker photos.

You should make sure that her hair is that color on purpose, because it might be a sore subject. I knew some swimmer chicks and their hair turned greenish blue from chlorine overexposure. I'm not saying that's what happened here, but it might have been a chemical accident, maybe like what happened to the Joker, so better safe than sorry. In fact, she might be a villain, which is hot at first but you should think twice about a long-term thing. ETA Also, sometimes girls dress like hot goths to trick you into dating them. One girl did that to me, and she wasn't a goth AT ALL, she was just a regular hot girl in a goth outfit. Now we're married, so...watchout.

I just went to the trouble of creating an apple id for the specific purpose of rating and warning people about this podcast, and I submitted it on iTunes and the review didn't even show up! I don't know if apple has people individually vet all the reviews in case people are writing troll things or are reviewing podcasts that they haven't even listened to. I can understand that, but I deliberately didn't use any cusses for that exact reason, and I have listened to the podcast. I'm going to give it another couple minutes before I really freak out, because maybe their computers are just slow. Yeah RIGHT! It's motherfucking APPLE COMPUTERS, I think they probably have really fast computers! This is bullshit, and now I'm going to stop playing on the computer for a while and go get some fresh air. I'm not mad at any of you, I'm sorry if it seemed that way.

I never got to ride a dirt bike, but I never even wanted to, so who cares. As evidence of this, I am now a grown ass man, and could totally get myself a dirtbike without needing anyone's permission. The fact that I haven't done so should convince you that I don't even care about dirtbikes or think that people who got to ride on them are cool. I had a sweet bike as a kid, and they said the big bouncy seat was girly but in fact, that "girly" seat is probably the reason why my sperm count is so high. And the streamers on the handlebars made me look like I was going even faster than I actually was, which was REALLY FUCKING FAST to begin with.

Sign me up for some grudge then*, because as far as I'm concerned you are now the Project(ile) Master(bationer). *I'm trusting you when you say that it won't last very long.

Not sure, but maybe now you can join outcast, to replace that guy who is the new jimi hendricks. And it's about damn time!

Oooh, no. I'd go the exact opposite way, and NOT mention her hair. Act like you aren't impressed by it, and that you see blue-headed girls all the time. But if she has a tongue stud, and this is VERY IMPORTANT, you can assume that she likes giving blowjobs and is good at it, and also won't mind if you make jokes about it. E.T.A. Have you considered taking out your sandwich and showing it to her? It seems to have been a big hit with this crowd.

I was immediately afraid of this exact thing after I posted that comment. Hey, some of my best friends in high school were goths!

If you say so. I just don't want to be stuck eating lunch with the goth kids for another four fucking years.

Shit. Sorry. I'm trying to sort out who is popular and influential here, and I feel like I'm already screwing up big time. This is just like high school all over again.

I wasn't going to say anything at first because I am new but it's becoming pretty clear to me that I am the oldest person in the room. As such, I feel like it is my job to weigh in with some advice. Talking about a woman's "taters" and saying that her buttocks resemble a peach is not "rad" or "boss." You might want to look up "objectification" in the dictionary. Those terms take a woman's body parts, which, yes, are technically already objects, and makes them sound like other objects - specifically, fruits and vegetables, which are delicious and not at all ethically troublesome to eat. A woman is not made of fruits and vegetables! She is made of meat! Human meat! I don't want to go so far as to say that Sean and Hayes are promoting cannibalism, but they have definitely taken a big step down that road and I hope they haven't dragged you kids along with them. Sorry if telling the truth isn't "cool." I'm going to keep listening, but you are all on thin ice with me.

It's hard to get a good read, but I think everyone else here is already friends? So to ingratiate myself, I hereby pledge not to post anything which would show how attractive and talented I am. And also good at sports. Oh, and is Chanson bad or something? Because he's the only one who has replied to me.

That is terrifying! I don't even put up pictures of my family in my house, in case my friends see them. If my family visits me, I make them wear disguises. I'd never share something as special and secret as what my family looks like with someone as potentially treacherous as a friend. Much less a bunch of anonymous strangers!

I'm the editor of Pissboy Magazine, so I guess you could call that a project I'm working on. I'm thinking of expanding it, and making copies to distribute to other people. One Christmas in my early teens, all I wanted was a lacrosse stick, and I wouldn't shut up about how much I wanted a lacrosse stick. Christmas came, and I didn't get a ... wait, what is this? Behind the curtain is a lacrosse stick! I was over the moon, delighted and now I wouldn't shut up about how surprised and happy I was. My stepdad, who had just half-assedly propped the unwrapped lacrosse stick behind the curtain, genuinely thought that I'd known it was there all along, and that my delight and gratitude were feigned. This was weirdly heartbreaking to me and bothered me for years, but I talked about it with him eventually and it was all good. I'm not putting up pictures of my family, I don't even know you people. But if you liked the childhood trauma story, I've got a dozen of them. Maybe more than a dozen.

Are they always this scary?

I stumbled across this today through my google alert for "piss AND magazine AND boys." Its a little weird, not really what I was looking for. I'll probably listen to more of them later, and see if it gets better.