Spunky Foonerism

Guys I asked for beard sounds last week and this week they did so much beard sounds. It's just the latest piece of evidence to support my theory, which is that Sean and Hayes love me, and do this podcast in order to try and give me what I want and make me happy. It's a lot of power for me to have, but they are right to feel that way. What should I ask for next? I got it. Next week, if you want to prove that you love me, I want to hear Hayes do a big giggle, and I want Sean to do a funny tone of voice where he knows he just said something bad but he isn't sorry and in fact he is actually very pleased with himself. If both of those things happen, it will be irrefutable proof that I'm right.

Ok, sorry to have to do this, because you are a forum legend and 98 out of 99 times I love your stuff, but this is the DUMBEST thing anyone has ever posted here. If you had a bottomless bag of butts, all the butts would fall out. Think for just a minute before you post, please.

^ I like this joke a lot. Jack Johnson P.I. you are figuratively on fire this week, with regard to cracking me up.

Sean, I noticed that nobody responded to your crack about "the guy whose last name isn't even finished" even though you circled back around for it several times. I just wanted to let you know that I did get your good, good joke. I'm sorry for not saying something right away, but I had to listen to the episode three times before I figured it out. You don't have to write back or anything. I just thought that since everybody is making a big deal out of Hayes's birthday you might be feeling a little blue, and I wanted to let you know that I get you, buddy. If you ever need somebody to talk to, you can always pretend that I'm there with you, and that I'm listening.

Hurricane Dennis's birthday isn't until July. Edit: Oh SHIT! I just realized that HD could have seven totally different meanings! Let me break it down for you. 1) Hurricane Dennis 2) High Definition 3) Hard Disk 4) Hard Dick 5) Hillary Duff 6) Harley-Davidson 7) Huntington's Disease

Hey guys, are you familiar with the dog that has a purple tongue? Uhhhh YEAH I'm familiar with that dog, his name is HURRICANE DENNIS and he is MY FRIEND! Edit: Dennis was really hoping for the pro version this week, but he was still pretty excited to get the shout-out. Seriously though, maybe you could mention his name next time?

Before I jump into this one, I'm re-listening to the first Julie Klausner episode so I can get caught up on the backstory. Boy oh boy it sure is good!

I haven't listened yet, but I looked at the photos and I am SO excited about Sean's big beard! I can't wait to listen to that bad boy, I hope he scrapes it against the microphone. Does he? Edit: Actually, don't tell me, I want to be surprised.

I been doing an experiment to test you guys. I thought I'd take the training wheels off for a week and see if you could handle things without my help. I wasn't expecting much, I just hoped you'd at least be able to make it up to 129 posts all on your own. Well good job dickheads, you couldn't do it. You fucked it up, you're clearly NOT ready to do this, so just sit back and let daddy drive. Take notes, because here's how you get to 129 posts. BOOM. Now was that so hard? Edit: smdh

Dennis Miller Ben Stein and Paul Krugman Carrot Top Pauly Shore again

Oh yeah? Well I wish that all your trees have kites in them and all your butts also have kites in them.

Pretty embarrassing typo Jake. I assume you meant to write "My hairs are on fleek today..."

Dear guest, I have a new friend who seems pretty chill, but I don't like how he is bragging about being a beef ace. Plus, I don't even think that's a real thing. Can you tell me how I can become a beef ace? I'll hang up and listen. Love, Yuri Gagarin

Yeah I went to a little space camp called "actual outer space," maybe you've heard of it. By the way, in case I never told you all my real name, it's Yuri Gagarin. And no, before you ask, I did NOT die in 1968, I am doing just fine. I'm not sure how that rumor got started. They let anybody edit wikipedia, so of course it is full of lies, what did you expect?

In astronaut circles, we call that a "dill pickle." It's only a little shorter, but the time it saves really adds up over the long-term.

I made this for one of our favorite forum elites, to celebrate his special day. Squarespace helped me make it, and honestly, it was such an easy process I really can't recommend them highly enough!

Smart move, kissing up to the boss's wife! It looks like they are finally figuring out how the game of big corporate podcasting is played at the highest levels. I predict a bright future for these boys at Earwolf.

I just came up with a new thing to say, the next time somebody gives me a nice compliment. "Hey, I'm just a regular guy like the rest of you. The only difference is that I jump into my pants both legs at a time like a motherfuckin' BOSS!" You all can use it too, if you want. Edit: but only if you are saying it about me.

You could all learn a lot from piemanpie24's example. If I hadn't read Achewood, I might never have realized that I have depression. Edit: Seriously it is so good and funny, if I could stand over each one of you and hold your eyelids open and force you to read Achewood, I would do it. Edit: Fuck it, I'm doing it. Get ready.

Little known Hollywood fact, that photo was the inspiration for the Human Centipede franchise.

I like Spunktanianation, because it is nice and sometimes funny, and all you haters can refer back to this post.

Hey now, don't be so doom-and-gloom! I'm sure some of those people clicked your profile by accident.

Ok everyone, we need to help Staz out by mercilessly berating her for several days so she can win some pity/attention from Sean. It's the least we can do after we did it for that dork Montgomery!

Ok, now this kind of positive, thoughtful critique I can get behind, and you know what? I also really like Hayes. You seem to have turned over a new leaf, and I totally forgive you.