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Spunky Foonerism

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Posts posted by Spunky Foonerism

  4. Posted

    I have had one surprise party in my life, it was at my own house. When i arrived nobody said surprise or anything like that, so i just thought, "weird that my girlfriend decided to have people over without telling me, but whatever, I like a party as much as the next guy." It was a solid 15-20 minutes before i realized that the party was for me, to celebrate defending my masters thesis.

    • Like 15

  5. Posted

    [interior, hospital]

     

    Wife (crying): Doctor, please tell me he's going to be ok.

    Doctor (gravely): Mrs. Foonerism, I'm afraid it's not so simple. Your husband will survive, this time, but he's been experiencing these episodes regularly for several years now. If he continues bussing up like this, I'm very concerned for his long-term prognosis.

    Wife (through tears): But doctor, he says that when he buss up, it's in a good way! Like, with laughing. How can that be harmful?

    Doctor: How can it be harmful? Do you even understand what's happening here? Let me show you something.

    (pulls back bed curtain) Do you see this?

    Wife (flinches back away from the bed): Oh god, NO! Don't make me look, it's too horrible!

    Doctor: Yes, Mrs. Foonerism. It IS horrible, and it could get much worse. If your husband continues listening to Hollywood Handbook episodes, I guarantee you that some day soon he is going to laugh his entire dick off.

    [curtains close]

    • Like 18

  6. Posted

    You may not need to buy a shirt, here's a cost-effective alternative you might want to consider. Take a marker and draw a line around the base of your neck, and draw two more lines that encircle your upper arms. Then draw something that reflects your support for Hollywood Handbook across your chest - it could be the logo, portraits of Sean and Hayes, the big wheel from That's Wheelie Interesting, whatever! Use your creativity to really go nuts with this part.

     

    Here's the beauty of this plan - everyone is going to think you are wearing a super-exclusive Hollywood Handbook t-shirt, and all it will cost you is the time it takes to shoplift a sharpie from the office supply store.

    • Like 13

  7. Posted

    ok, so i know i've posted before about how Sean and Hayes seem to be specifically tailoring the episodes around me and the particular things I like. You may be skeptical, but the evidence just keeps piling up! The latest example? Well let me ask you, do you really think it is a coincidence that the boys did an episode about Pokemon Go less than TWO WEEKS after I started playing Pokemon Go? Of course not.

     

    Anyhow, thanks fellas, keep up the good work!

     

    Edit: "Here's peekin' atchu, kid." - Casablanca

    • Like 21

  14. Posted

    Thanks for remembering my birthday you dickheads! No, really, thanks so much, I'm not being sarcastic at all. Last year I was so mad when everyone made a big deal about my birthday, man I hated it. This year, when I turned FORTY just a couple days ago, it was such a relief to realize that I don't actually have as many nice internet friends as I thought I did. Being alone is so liberating!

     

    P.S. Sean and Hayes, thanks for the nice podcast episode you made for me. it's not really my style, but I appreciate the thought.

    • Like 14

  17. Posted

    Also, The ©Andy Griffith Show - The Andy Griffith Show

     

    And ©Andy lives in a pit - Parks and Recreation

     

    as well as ©Andy Samberg - The Lonely Island

     

    Right Spunky.....right?...Spunky?...Isn't this right?

     

    Spunky, Same problem:

     

    3fSem1m.jpg?2

     

    What about "©Aaaaaaaandy!" - Pee Wee Herman in Pee Wee's Big Adventure ?

     

    oof. ok, how can i explain, in a way you'll understand, why mine are good and yours are so very very bad. Maybe I can illustrate it for you.

     

    Good: "©Andy, ©Andy, ©Andy, I can't let you go." - Iggy Pop

     

    Bad: "It seems to me you lived your life like a ©Andy in the wind -- never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in," -Elton John

     

    Good: If Andy worked at a theme park, i bet they would name it ©Andyland in his honor.

     

    Bad: Remember that time when ®Andy Johnson destroyed that bird with a fastball?

     

    Do you see now? I know your hearts are in the right place, but maybe you should run these past me BEFORE you post them in a public forum. I don't like for you to embarrass yourselves, and frankly, since it is well known that we are good friends, your terrible posts reflect poorly on me, and by extension, Sean and Hayes who are MY good friends.

    • Like 17

  18. Posted

    I wanted to share a "teachable moment" with you all. Sometimes there are people on here who get really hurt and angry when someone likes a bunch of other posts but skips over theirs for whatever reason. What you SHOULD do is handle it in a mature and self-confident way. Kind of like how I'm doing right now about Andy not liking my nice post that pays tribute to his performance on the show. Instead of assuming that he hates me, and that this is his way of humiliating me in front of everyone, I am choosing to assume that he has a perfectly valid reason for skipping over my post. This has the added advantage that if he eventually DOES go back and like it, I know his approval will be sincere, and not the result of some pathetic passive-aggressive manipulation on my part. Anyway, I just wanted to point out how I am being a really good role model right now.

    • Like 22

  19. Posted

    ©Andy is dandy, but liquor is quickor.

     

    The ©Andyman can, cause he something something something and makes the podcast real good.

     

    "I want ©Andy!" - Bow Wow Wow

     

    "©Andyman! ©Andyman! ©Andyman!" from the movie Candyman.

     

    "Oh god no! Don't move that over there, you'll crush ©Andy!" from the game Candy Crush.

     

    edit: A word of warning...if you put the letter c in parentheses this dumb website thinks it is the copyright symbol. Don't make the same mistake i did, people!

    • Like 27

  21. Posted

    In my sleep last night i had a clever idea, and i kept waking up in a panic that i'd forgotten it. I was so determined not to forget it, every time i woke, i'd repeat it to myself a couple times.

     

    So i have been up and about for hours now without thinking about my clever idea, and had a devil of a time trying to recall it just now for this post. Luckily for you, i DO remember it. It's an idea for a name for a tennis doubles team. Ready?

     

    The Backhanded Complements!

     

    Edit: No, actually that's NOT a typo, it is a smart pun because they are a team, and they complement each other.

    • Like 24

  23. Posted

    I haven't listened to Best Show yet, but it from your posts it seems like Hayes spilled the beans about my super elite and exclusive forum, so I may as well come clean. Yes, I participate in a close-knit online community where I feel safe sharing very personal details to like-minded individuals. So far I am the only person in it, and far be it from me to toot my own horn, but it's pretty fricken hilarious in there. Not sure how Hayes even knew about it, tbh.

    • Like 17

  25. Posted

    I hope everyone in the United States had a good memorial day weekend. While we were setting up moorings in a lake my friend got bit on her ankle by a bass (the fish) and made the loudest noise I have ever heard a human produce. It was a good time. Take care, y'all.

    large-mouthed bass? more like large-mouthed friend! haha!

     

    because she yelled so loud.

    • Like 8
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