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VanTerylMcNeilIII

Jonah Hex (2010)

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Jonah Hex would be the absolute perfect movie for you guys to review next. It's an expository, befuddling, mess. There is a something on fire in every goddamn scene. My friends and I watched it when we were wasted and it was one of the best movie going experiences of my life. It would make a beautiful How Did This Get Made? Just fucking do it.

 

PS: Saw Paul at the League Live at Tulane last night. Thanks for coming man it was super funny! Sorry Tulane kids are suckholes!! Fuck Tulane!....... JONAH FUCKING HEX.

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A while back, HDTGM put a poll up on Facebook asking their fans to choose the next movie they'd do. This was one of the three choices. The other two, "Mac and Me" and "Skyline," have since been covered.

 

Since then, Paul has commented that he thinks the movie isn't fun-bad; it's just depressingly bad. And, having seen it, I have to agree: It's basically a big nothing of a movie.

 

There are a few WTF elements (Eli Whitney's nuclear cannonballs, the out-of-nowhere lizard man fight, Jonah's power to resurrect the dead—which I understand isn't in the original comics), but overall the movie is just forgettable.

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I was an extra on that film, I'm glad I made the cutting room floor!

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As a fan of the Jonah Hex comics (seriously read the Jimmy Palimotti/Justin Gray run), I was crestfallen when I saw the trailer. You had the perfect Jonah Hex in Josh Brolin and you tried to do yet another Wild, Wild West. That makes me so sad.

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Are you suggesting the comic was steampunk (because it wasn't... except one issue) or that it was a steampunk adaptation?

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I tried twice to watch this pile of garbage and both times found myself doing other things. The only redeeming value this poor excuse of a movie has is it's only like 82-minutes. Blissfully short, though still painfully too long...

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I love how bad this movie is. I'm surprised Pacino, Walken, and Cage didn't find they're way in the flick. At least Malkovich was hamming it up and a per X-Men Michael Fassbender was fun.

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i'm so glad that tom jane wasn't chosen despite his loving the character and wanting to play it

 

he'd make a good jonah hex and one day can still have a shot

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I was an extra in "Abduction", and I wish I could say the same.

 

So Taylor Lautner IS a real person and not a cardboard cut-out? You can verify this? I get a real sense of the meaning of 'uncanny valley' when I see this guy on screen...

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So Taylor Lautner IS a real person and not a cardboard cut-out? You can verify this? I get a real sense of the meaning of 'uncanny valley' when I see this guy on screen...

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA...whoa. I wouldn't go that far. Not a cardboard cut-out, no, but I haven't ruled him out as possibly being a robot. I worked on that film before anything else I'd worked on had been released, so I thought to myself "With all the music and sound effects and stuff mixed in, he'll sound less like a sheet of plywood or perhaps a two by four that was granted the gift of speech, right?". I was incorrect.

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If nothing else but to hear the number of times Mantzoukas would say "bananas," "what?!" and then exasperatingly ask what the fuck is going on

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I apologized if this movie has been suggested before, but Jonah Hex (2010). Its got Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Michael Fassbender, Will Arnett, Michael Shanon and it claims to have Megan Fox (but blink and you'll miss it). I am convinced that this movie was a re-worked script for Wild Wild West 2, it is absolutely awful, but has some production value.

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Having just seen the movie because of this thread and not knowing the comics, I'm not sure it's a good candidate. It's not outrageous, incompetent or anything, it's just... sort of underwhelming. The gatling gun horse was fun, the talking-to-the-dead bit surprising (but set up in the intro, established by hellboy and other sources as a thing and came back for the talk he had with the son of the villain, which was decent overall) but not totally jarring. Aside from that, what do you have?

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I can't believe they haven't done this yet.

 

Holy shit how the fuck did this shit get made? Brolin, Fassbender, and Malkovich (who looks like the goddamn Shaggy Dog) in an 80 minutes long DC Comics-based theatrical feature. Also is it just me or does Megan Fox always look like she's got an anti-noise filter on her? Stupid, bizarre, uninvolved dialogue. Answering a question with another question? Fine. Scripts are for nerds anyway.

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I just watched the Legends of Tomorrow episode with Jonah Hex and I'm beginning to wonder if this is a character who should stay 2D.

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