Episode 74.5 — Minisode 74.5

[robinsbruce 4985]

 

("Sometimes an idea is barely funny enough to do and post, but too stupid to actually open Photoshop for" - the slogan for MS Paint).

 

This fight scene is choreographed so slowly and poorly it is amazing to watch.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

 

This fight scene is choreographed so slowly and poorly it is amazing to watch.

 

If it's possible to tell from a still photo (or freeze frame) that very little effort is being put into something, this is it.

[imhatch 271]

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

dont let them hit the floro

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

Joe Carnahan made a "sizzle reel" for a proposed Daredevil project that I assume won't come to fruition at this point, but really had the perfect aesthetic for a Daredevil movie based on a darker storyline like that. Worth a watch at least to see what could have been.

Eh, not really though. I remember checking it out, and it was mostly footage from THIS movie cut with 70's crime flicks and put together in such a way as to look pretty exciting. I know Carnahan's directed good stuff, and I would have been curious to see what kind of pre-production materials may have been out there, but this reel contains no new footage or anything and was really just an exercise in editing. It was just done a bit better than the usual mash-ups that pop up on YouTube.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Looking at the cast of this movie, it's crazy to see how many HDTGM first-timers we're seeing that I was SURE had been in other stuff they've covered. Here are some of the more notable ones:

 

 

Michael Clarke Duncan-The man's resume was a bit spotty, having appeared in a mountain of crap in addition to the great stuff he did. Looks like the guy just had fun and loved to work.

 

Colin Farrell: Another guy not known for strict quality control, but I think his crazy stuff leans more towards good, and his bad stuff is more boring than anything.

 

Leland Orser, Erick Avari, David Keith: All recognizable actors that have been in a million things. If the gang ever does "Independence Day" (which ALL of these guys had bit parts in), that will be an HDTGM credit for nearly every character actor that was working in the mid-90s.

 

Kevin Smith: Only because they're too scared to do "Southland Tales"....

 

This film will also feature about the 128th appearance of Rob Zombie on the soundtrack of a HDTGM-reviewed film. I know of several right off the top of my head, but I went to Wikipedia to see if I'd missed any, and I'm shocked by how incomplete their list is. I mean, "Judge Dredd" wasn't even on the list, and that was dead center in the period between 1994-2000 or so where EVERY movie featuring any sort of action included a White Zombie song.

[imhatch 271]

yo what is our current white zombie. i personally cant wait to reminisce in 10 years about the quirky indie romantic comedies that all used folk songs where ppl shout Hey

[nicolas cage 3]

Eh, not really though. I remember checking it out, and it was mostly footage from THIS movie cut with 70's crime flicks and put together in such a way as to look pretty exciting. I know Carnahan's directed good stuff, and I would have been curious to see what kind of pre-production materials may have been out there, but this reel contains no new footage or anything and was really just an exercise in editing. It was just done a bit better than the usual mash-ups that pop up on YouTube.

 

I re-watched it for the first time in a while and still think it successfully captures the feel of a gritty, 70's set Daredevil movie. I wouldn't say it was mostly footage of this film at all, but uses shots of it simply to include footage of someone dressed as Daredevil among the more important clips. Calling it an exercise in editing really isn't a criticism of a sizzle reel, but more of a description of the practice, as the point of one of these reels is to quickly and easily assemble a collection of footage that represents the general idea and aesthetic of a potential project. Here you can see one for Looper that was made in much the same way http://nofilmschool....eel-for-looper/

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

yo what is our current white zombie. i personally cant wait to reminisce in 10 years about the quirky indie romantic comedies that all used folk songs where ppl shout Hey

As far as post-millennial action movies go, I'm not sure if I'm correct, but Shinedown seems

to fit the bill as one of the bands most associated with action movie trailers at least, or they sound like they SHOULD have a song in every Stallone movie in the last decade, whether they actually do or not.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I re-watched it for the first time in a while and still think it successfully captures the feel of a gritty, 70's set Daredevil movie. I wouldn't say it was mostly footage of this film at all, but uses shots of it simply to include footage of someone dressed as Daredevil among the more important clips. Calling it an exercise in editing really isn't a criticism of a sizzle reel, but more of a description of the practice, as the point of one of these reels is to quickly and easily assemble a collection of footage that represents the general idea and aesthetic of a potential project. Here you can see one for Looper that was made in much the same way http://nofilmschool....eel-for-looper/

I understand what you're saying, but I'm still more interested in what Carnahan would have brought to the project himself. I mean, a trailer's job of course it to make a movie look cool, but the cool aesthetic can be totally wasted if everything else, like the script, acting, costume designs, fight choreography, etc., is still shit. Speaking of which, Carnahan's first movie, "Blood, Guts, Bullets, and Octane" was a textbook late-90s Tarantino knockoff, so he's no stranger to trying to copy the look of something popular, but like most of those movies at that time, it was a pretty awful attempt. He's been mostly hit than miss ever since, and he's certainly gotten a lot better.

 

Shameless plug: Be sure to keep an eye out for the Carnahan-directed pilot of "Those Who Kill", coming soon to A&E! Yours truly got to be a production assistant on the pilot last least year for a couple of days, and the entire first season is currently filming in Pittsburgh! I keep getting called about working on it in FRONT of the camera, but my schedule never lines up. *sigh*

[jarrycanada 2483]

I was wildly entertained at the idea of Paul drinking a 40 in the theater for this flick back in the day...

 

 

 

EarBear- you may want to add this to the HDTGM Tshirt contest page. maybe even rework it a bit for a T-shirt.

Maybe even do it like an advertisement for 40 malt liquor by paul scheer.

 

it's too funny you've got so many things happening on that image, I just noticed he's not wearing any pants. LOL

[brandenhaize 51]

This is a piece of fan art I made for the show.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

I feel like you could spend an entire episode just talking about the playground fight scene, which is supposed to be Afleck and Garner's "meet cute" for the movie. The thing played out like a direct to video Matrix ripoff. Another half episode could be spent just on the song that plays during the scene. The only thing keeping the soundtrack from being the ultimate entry into the early 00s hall of shame is the absence of Drowning Pool's Let the Bodies Hit the Floor.

 

The only other thing I walked away from this movie with was the weird notion that Daredevil became supepowered when it rained like Popeye eating spinach. Just from this movie you would swear his name would be "Aqua Man" or something. It's doubly dumb because they establish that Daredevil sees through sound so you figure he would be blinded when it rains, from the noise (a passing subway car blinds and pains him, but millions of splashing raindrops and thunder doesn't?) and the fact that sound travels terribly through rain; those droplets absorb and muffle sound.

[inactiveuser501 168]

Looks like I have to go for the rewatch. I saw it literally a month ago on the heels of Batfleck, and even defended it as an okay movie on the forum, but I cannot for the life of me remember what happened. Hell, I remembered what happened in Elektra more clearly that this one. Affleck falls on the floor, priest comes, and then???

[DaraCrawley 18]

I can't remember where I read this. But I've heard that the movie was edited and some scenes redone to play up the romance aspect of the film because Ben and Jen's relationship was all over the place at the time and the studio wanted to capitalize on it

 

Honestly Daredevil wasn't as awful as people said. Ben Affleck was good in it as was honestly everyone else. The problem was the story was crammed full of too many things that were just...kinda notelaborated on or nonsensical. Like the entire character of Electra...

 

The film is just kinda mediocre, but it's better than the Fantastic Four movie. The FF movie was basically comprised of every annoying aspect of each character.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

I remember the thought on everyone's mind when the Fantastic Four sequel came out was "Who asked for this?" The Fantastic Four movies are up in the air with Green Lantern for worst Marvel/DC superhero movie*.

 

The Rifftrax for F4: Rise of the Silver Surfer is hilarious though. "He vowed to only use his powers to be a dick to fellow air travelers."

 

 

*The worst superhero movie of all time goes to The Spirit.

[Joven 373]

I actually really liked The Spirit.

 

I also think the Fantastic Four movies lose/win over the Green Lantern for the worst. Green Lantern had a shitton of problems, but at least for me it was watchable enough to get some enjoyment out of, whereas the Fantastic Four movies were just 2 giant long douche chills.

 

Everything that happens in the F4's is either completely boring, completely stupid, completely cringe worthy or completely annoying, there is not a good moment or character in either of them (the blind chick is maybe the only person not to be a waste of space on the screen), and I dislike them so much I almost never revisit the Rifftraxes for them (and I've seen the rifftrax for the 90s fantastic four like 15 times.)

[inactiveuser501 168]

Ooh Boy, now I remember the two reasons why this movie sucked, and they're called Jen Garner and Colin Farrell

 

Garner is just as bland as she was in Elektra. I still find it hard to believe that she won critical acclaim for Alias (Note: Never Seen Alias). And Colin Farrell is just so gleefully dark it's upsetting, and I know June must have fainted at Grandma's Death. (I also need to hear June's Take on the Rape Case, because was there REALLY no other evidence to convict that guy other than HIS TESTIMONY?)

 

Also, Genuine Question for the Forum; Who's Sex was More Disgusting? Bennifer Garner or Bennifer Lopez?

[PhillipMedoc 648]

I actually really liked The Spirit.

AHAHAHHAhahhahahahahhaahhahaHAHAHAhahahhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

 

*breathe*

 

haHHAHHAHAHhahahahhaahahhhahahaaahhahhhaahahaHAHHAHHHAHHA

 

*wheeze*

 

hahahahaaaaaa cough.... ugh.... ahhh.... ahh....

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Looking at the cast of this movie, it's crazy to see how many HDTGM first-timers we're seeing that I was SURE had been in other stuff they've covered. Here are some of the more notable ones:

 

 

Michael Clarke Duncan-The man's resume was a bit spotty, having appeared in a mountain of crap in addition to the great stuff he did. Looks like the guy just had fun and loved to work.

 

Colin Farrell: Another guy not known for strict quality control, but I think his crazy stuff leans more towards good, and his bad stuff is more boring than anything.

 

Leland Orser, Erick Avari, David Keith: All recognizable actors that have been in a million things. If the gang ever does "Independence Day" (which ALL of these guys had bit parts in), that will be an HDTGM credit for nearly every character actor that was working in the mid-90s.

 

Kevin Smith: Only because they're too scared to do "Southland Tales"....

 

This film will also feature about the 128th appearance of Rob Zombie on the soundtrack of a HDTGM-reviewed film. I know of several right off the top of my head, but I went to Wikipedia to see if I'd missed any, and I'm shocked by how incomplete their list is. I mean, "Judge Dredd" wasn't even on the list, and that was dead center in the period between 1994-2000 or so where EVERY movie featuring any sort of action included a White Zombie song.

 

Leland Orser, aka "The guy who was forced to fuck the prostitute using a knife-dildo in 'Seven,'" looks even more emasculated in this movie than he did while screaming "He had a gun in my mouth!" while sweaty and clad in fetish leather.

 

Also, this is a movie so fucking incompetent, it uses House of Pain in the soundtrack to introduce Bullseye in an attempt to make the character seem intimidating. Ben Affleck is in no way at fault for the crapitude of this thing. I know the dated nature of the soundtrack has been stated before, but that was an embarrassingly tired reference by about a decade even with this piece of garbage was released.

[wakefresh 689]

yo what is our current white zombie. i personally cant wait to reminisce in 10 years about the quirky indie romantic comedies that all used folk songs where ppl shout Hey

 

That British band that plays backwoods music. I forget their name but they had Ed Helms and Will Forte in one of their music videos.

 

Another trope about quirky indie romantic comedies I find is the shot of fireworks launching into the night sky. There was one movie I saw with Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg where they were launching fireworks at a wedding! A WEDDING! I laughed out loud at that in the theater and I know it made other folks uncomfortable.

[wakefresh 689]

Ooh Boy, now I remember the two reasons why this movie sucked, and they're called Jen Garner and Colin Farrell

 

Garner is just as bland as she was in Elektra. I still find it hard to believe that she won critical acclaim for Alias (Note: Never Seen Alias). And Colin Farrell is just so gleefully dark it's upsetting, and I know June must have fainted at Grandma's Death. (I also need to hear June's Take on the Rape Case, because was there REALLY no other evidence to convict that guy other than HIS TESTIMONY?)

 

Also, Genuine Question for the Forum; Who's Sex was More Disgusting? Bennifer Garner or Bennifer Lopez?

 

The best parts about this movie are Jon Faverau and Micheal Clarke Duncan. If it had just been Ben Affleck and M.C.D. fighting each other with Jon throwing in funny quips, it would have been a great movie.

[wakefresh 689]

Awhile back, there was a Amazon review that stated Sleepaway Camp was the perfect movie to have on in the background while you're ordering pizza and doing laundry. I disagree. I can confidentially say that I have done my best laundry/folding and ordered a great sausage pizza while this movie was playing.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

The best parts about this movie are Jon Faverau and Micheal Clarke Duncan. If it had just been Ben Affleck and M.C.D. fighting each other with Jon throwing in funny quips, it would have been a great movie.

I liked Duncan a lot, but I think he was kind of wasted in the sense that they got a guy to play Daredevil that could look him in the eye. There was no big guy/little guy dynamic, because Affleck is also a pretty big dude. You're never gonna find a guy the size of Kingpin that's huge and intimidating, so you kind of need to go the other way and make Daredevil smaller, and they didn't do that. Yes, my problem with Ben in this movie wasn't his acting, but his size, which of course isn't HIS fault.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

Leland Orser, aka "The guy who was forced to fuck the prostitute using a knife-dildo in 'Seven,'" looks even more emasculated in this movie than he did while screaming "He had a gun in my mouth!" while sweaty and clad in fetish leather.

 

Also, this is a movie so fucking incompetent, it uses House of Pain in the soundtrack to introduce Bullseye in an attempt to make the character seem intimidating. Ben Affleck is in no way at fault for the crapitude of this thing. I know the dated nature of the soundtrack has been stated before, but that was an embarrassingly tired reference by about a decade even with this piece of garbage was released.

No pun intended, but I think you missed the mark on Bullseye, as I always felt the House of Pain was there because he's IRISH, and they felt they couldn't trust us to figure that out unless there was a musical cue to tell us this, despite the fact that they're in an Irish pub and people are speaking with Irish accents. It's sort of like when there's a movie that takes place in California, it might even indicate it in the title ("Battle: Los Angeles" springs to mind), and they feel the need to start blasting "California Love" on the soundtrack, because the shots of the Hollywood sign, the L.A. freeway, and the Capitol Records building might be too subtle.

 

Also, and I discovered this when seeing if he'd been in any other HDTGM films, Leland Orser is billed on IMDB as "Crazed Man in Massage Parlour" for his part in "Seven". I certainly think that's understating things a bit. Also, in "Alien: Resurrection", he's the guy that impales another dude with the chestburster that's coming out of him. Man, that movie would be so fucking great for this show. Anyway, having seen him in "Seven" already, he actually seemed LESS panicked in "Resurrection". I guess after playing "Guy Forced at Gunpoint to Shred Whore With Razor-Tipped Strap-On in Sex Dungeon", everything else seems at least a little bit less disturbing. It's like "Hey, I've got a thing that's going to explode out of my chest, but at least I don't have to bang some whore with razor blades or anything".

[RobM 66]

The only other thing I walked away from this movie with was the weird notion that Daredevil became supepowered when it rained like Popeye eating spinach. Just from this movie you would swear his name would be "Aqua Man" or something. It's doubly dumb because they establish that Daredevil sees through sound so you figure he would be blinded when it rains, from the noise (a passing subway car blinds and pains him, but millions of splashing raindrops and thunder doesn't?) and the fact that sound travels terribly through rain; those droplets absorb and muffle sound.

 

Rain is indeed a hindrance to Daredevil's abilities, and one that pops up fairly often in Mark Waid's current (spectacular, more lighthearted) run on the Daredevil comics.