Episode 79 — Deck the Halls: LIVE!

[wakefresh 689]

This reminds me of when I was working on the emergency room scene in "One For the Money", as Katherine Heigl and John Leguizamo would be talking about Laurence Fishburne's daughter's recently-released porno between takes. Much of the behind-the-scenes shenanigans are infinitely more interesting than what ends up on film, particularly when it comes to terrible, terrible movies.

 

 

Reminds me of that old Chris Rock joke, "If your daughter is a stripper, then you get a 'F' for parenting."

 

Also, someone, after seeing the box cover for the porno, joked that they couldn't hear anything over that girl's cries for attention.

[jarrycanada 2483]

I really enjoyed this movie, as soon as Jorge Garcia from lost came on screen, I just started to smile. something I have not been doing a lot of.

 

I also do agree with paul that Matthew Broderick's level of acting is almost puppet like. The scene with the snow sled when he riding out of control down the hill on his own with no horses. I had the audio turned off for a minute because the music was getting on my nerves and so I noticed when you watch this scene he is just doing the puppet like poses, its almost like you can hear the director screeming at him. now turn to the left and move to the right, now make a face. brilliant, I think we got it.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

I think 3 things can be added to the common bad movie tropes list:

 

- Crazy foreign couple minor characters

 

- "hip" remixes of classic songs (usually the whitest interpretation of hip hop)

 

- a pair of twins minor characters (Social Network is really the only exception)

 

- DJ turntable, record scratching

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

A couple more crazy things about this movie:

 

Was the Mayor pulling executive privilege in order to be accepted into the speed skating race wearing skis & poles? Who would be dumb enough to use skis on solid ice?

 

What the hell was the plan behind Devito's revenge against Broderick? Just like the car sale scene, it's like they weren't good enough to write it so they came up with nonsense. He cuts down the town square Christmas tree, puts it in Broderick's house, and forges his signature to sell a car.

 

I thought he was going to frame Broderick by immediately reporting him to the police for vandalizing the tree. But he didn't so...what was the point? How was dumping stolen public property in his living room as a gift going to get revenge if no one ever found out? How did Broderick or his family not notice the Marilyn Monroe statue on top of the tree? How the hell did Devito cut down a brightly lit tree in the wide open town square with a gas chainsaw without anyone hearing or noticing?

 

What the hell kind of car deal requires you to make payments the very next day or the police come to arrest you??!?! How could any writer be so dumb to figure that there's nothing more to selling a car than a forged signature?* How would Devito not be busted the instant Broderick reports it to his boss, and at the very least get fired if not brought up on criminal charges? Why was the manager's office not the first place Broderick went to? Oh wait because this movie is terrible.

 

I went and looked up the writers, all 3 of them (I have yet to find a good movie that had more than 2 credited writers). Two of them only did this movie and a TV show called Covert Affairs, which must be the worst piece of garbage on the air.

 

The third writer? Hoo boy, get ready.

 

Look upon Don Rhymer and despair

 

Big Momma's House, The Santa Clause 2, Agent Cody Banks 2, The Honeymooners (Cedric the Entertainer version), Big Momma's House 2, Deck the Halls, Surf's Up, Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son, Rio, Rio 2.

 

The guy's entire career is the Big Momma trilogy(!) and bottom of the garbage barrel kids' movies. This is the worst HDTGM writing credit I've seen besides John Brancato and Michael Ferris (Catwoman).

 

 

* The dumbest car sale in a movie goes to Steven Seagal's Half Past Dead, in which Morris Chestnut just tosses a duffle bag of cash at the salesman before driving the car right out of the showroom.

[wakefresh 689]

A couple more crazy things about this movie:

 

Was the Mayor pulling executive privilege in order to be accepted into the speed skating race wearing skis & poles? Who would be dumb enough to use skis on solid ice?

 

What the hell was the plan behind Devito's revenge against Broderick? Just like the car sale scene, it's like they weren't good enough to write it so they came up with nonsense. He cuts down the town square Christmas tree, puts it in Broderick's house, and forges his signature to sell a car.

 

I thought he was going to frame Broderick by immediately reporting him to the police for vandalizing the tree. But he didn't so...what was the point? How was dumping stolen public property in his living room as a gift going to get revenge if no one ever found out? How did Broderick or his family not notice the Marilyn Monroe statue on top of the tree? How the hell did Devito cut down a brightly lit tree in the wide open town square with a gas chainsaw without anyone hearing or noticing?

 

What the hell kind of car deal requires you to make payments the very next day or the police come to arrest you??!?! How could any writer be so dumb to figure that there's nothing more to selling a car than a forged signature?* How would Devito not be busted the instant Broderick reports it to his boss, and at the very least get fired if not brought up on criminal charges? Why was the manager's office not the first place Broderick went to? Oh wait because this movie is terrible.

 

I went and looked up the writers, all 3 of them (I have yet to find a good movie that had more than 2 credited writers). Two of them only did this movie and a TV show called Covert Affairs, which must be the worst piece of garbage on the air.

 

The third writer? Hoo boy, get ready.

 

Look upon Don Rhymer and despair

 

Big Momma's House, The Santa Clause 2, Agent Cody Banks 2, The Honeymooners (Cedric the Entertainer version), Big Momma's House 2, Deck the Halls, Surf's Up, Big Mommas: Like Father Like Son, Rio, Rio 2.

 

The guy's entire career is the Big Momma trilogy(!) and bottom of the garbage barrel kids' movies. This is the worst HDTGM writing credit I've seen besides John Brancato and Michael Ferris (Catwoman).

 

 

* The dumbest car sale in a movie goes to Steven Seagal's Half Past Dead, in which Morris Chestnut just tosses a duffle bag of cash at the salesman before driving the car right out of the showroom.

 

Covert Affairs is a really shitty version of USA's Burn Notice. Ironically, both are on the USA Network. The lead in Covert Affairs is a woman who is always naked in anything else. I don't know her name, but when I see the promos for Covert Affairs, I start smiling because I bet she is SO happy to have all of her clothes on for once.

 

I'll be honest, I did watch one or two episodes sort of half hoping for skimpy lingerie, but nope.

[AndyTalarzyk 34]

Just a little thought for Corrections/Omissions. If Matty B's wife's job was to compile recipes into cookbooks, then the curry scene makes sense. She can't just throw recipes willy nilly into a book, she has to try them to see if they're any good. So she made the curry, it sucked, so she made a recipe she was comfortable with, pizza. I feel like that was probably explained at some point but was left on the cutting room floor, but it would have made this scene make way more sense.

[ParrotTalkBack 110]

Paul recording the outro before the intro...WHAT IS HAPPENING?

 

I've noticed minimal editing in many episodes: Paul redoes bits of ads for a cleaner take and they never fix it. Just the raw Wild West quality of podcasting I guess.

[SlidePocket 707]

 

Covert Affairs is a really shitty version of USA's Burn Notice. Ironically, both are on the USA Network. The lead in Covert Affairs is a woman who is always naked in anything else. I don't know her name, but when I see the promos for Covert Affairs, I start smiling because I bet she is SO happy to have all of her clothes on for once.

 

I'll be honest, I did watch one or two episodes sort of half hoping for skimpy lingerie, but nope.

 

The woman you're thinking of Piper Perabo. She's also been in Coyote Ugly, Cheaper by the Dozen 1 and 2, and many other films.

[seanotron 2307]

 

Covert Affairs is a really shitty version of USA's Burn Notice. Ironically, both are on the USA Network. The lead in Covert Affairs is a woman who is always naked in anything else. I don't know her name, but when I see the promos for Covert Affairs, I start smiling because I bet she is SO happy to have all of her clothes on for once.

 

I'll be honest, I did watch one or two episodes sort of half hoping for skimpy lingerie, but nope.

 

Burn Notice hasn't been good in years, though. Covert is actually a really good show. Piper Perabo has definitely been in her fair share of crap, but she's pretty great in that. Plus it features my favorite eyebrows ever, Peter Gallagher.

[The_Other_MikeD 68]

Corrections & Omissions:

 

1) DeVito uses two different brands of chainsaw. A red brand at the Christmas tree farm and a black brand when trimming his own tree at home.

 

2) The streets are never completely plowed on their street. Even with the cars presumably driving on them.

 

3) Jason touched on the fact that the house appears to be completely surrounded by street. Why did he push all the lights to the front of the house? The back of the house was DARK.

 

4) Also briefly mentioned but not to this point: Broderick puts on all-black gear to throw the snowball at the electric box despite the blindingly white snow and lights that would make him stand out like a Christmas tree. He also then does that wierd bobbing following the pop-up Santa when he could have just stayed low enough for the Santa to cover him.

[BrettMorris 1862]

 

I've noticed minimal editing in many episodes: Paul redoes bits of ads for a cleaner take and they never fix it. Just the raw Wild West quality of podcasting I guess.

Please let me know when this happens. We go through them carefully, so this is surprising. Sorry these hiccups somehow got through.

[cmac94 191]

I just realized between this and Crossroads it's now been two movies with Sex and The City gals as a secondary character.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

 

Covert Affairs is a really shitty version of USA's Burn Notice. Ironically, both are on the USA Network. The lead in Covert Affairs is a woman who is always naked in anything else. I don't know her name, but when I see the promos for Covert Affairs, I start smiling because I bet she is SO happy to have all of her clothes on for once.

 

I'll be honest, I did watch one or two episodes sort of half hoping for skimpy lingerie, but nope.

 

A woman? That is Piper Perabo, star of Coyote Ugly! Another movie that desperately needs to be covered.

 

A quick primer on Coyote Ugly

[zorin79 0]

Hello wonderful HDTGM Team!

 

I have something slightly embarrasing to report. I spend $5 on a physical DVD copy of DECK THE HALLS and not only watched the movie before the podcast but I EVEN LISTENED TO THE COMMENTARY TRACK with the director and Danny DeVito.

 

Am I Bonkers or what?

 

Anyway, I learned a few things from that terrible experiences. The director says that almost every scene is his favorite. The 2 "raindeer" horses used for the sled were actually Black horses that had to be painted brown to look more like fake "raindeer"?? Both Danny DeVito and the director give up less than halfway through the movie commentary track and Devito just "hmm"s and "oh"s to whatever the director says. The Director repeatedly and proudly comments that all the animated LED screen lights on the house were "REALLY DONE LIVE" and also was very dissappointed that he was unable to have the full movie credits ready before shooting was done so he would play the credits over the roof of Mr. Hall's house.

 

Ok ENOUGH from me about this craptastic movie. No point in watching a pointless movie 2 times other than having something to share with you i guess.

 

BTW if anyone wants dvd copies of this movie, Cobra, Hudson Hawk, or Fair Game, email me at daltonmania@yahoo.com

[JacobCrites 4977]

Very nice! DVD commentary tracks to bad movie are amazing. AV Club used to do a feature on them.

[jonlandrum21 1]

There simply was not enough said about Danny DeVito buying a car -- FROM THE DEALERSHIP HE WORKS AT -- in Matthew Broderick's name. This is beyond insane, even for this movie (though, to be fair, the mere idea that Danny DeVito could speed skate is a close second). I worked as a car salesman for a short time and I can absolutely confirm that what DeVito did is not even remotely possible. For starters -- and this should go without saying -- you actually have to pay for the vehicle in order to complete the sale. Some form of payment, be it cash or approved financing, must be given in exchange for the vehicle. Also, valid ID and insurance information must be presented at the time of sale. But OK, let's go along with the movie for a second and assume that somehow, DeVito was able to steal Matty B's license and work out some kind of drive now, pay later arrangement. Even if that was miraculously possible, you'd still have to sign a ton of paperwork with the business/finance guy of the dealership...who, by the way, PROBABLY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK DANNY DEVITO IS!!! BECAUSE THEY WORK AT THE SAME FUCKING PLACE!!!! What a stupid movie.

[PooOnYou2 1]

Did anyone else think to make this after listening to this episode?

 

[seanotron 2307]

Did anyone else think to make this after listening to this episode?

 

 

They've been posting this ever-changing graph on the Facebook page

 

[ShawnDC 1]

The supermarket I work in got in non-big name brand TVs for a Christmas sale and one of the managers went next door to buy a movie to put on to show the clarity of the screen.

 

They got "Deck the Halls."

 

Therefore, the movie ran constantly in the store for the entire month, usually on mute but near the end (when only two or three TVs were left) someone turned up the volume and no one ever turned it back down.

 

The DVD is now sitting upstairs in the Manager's office. I constantly fear the arrival of more 'deal' televisions.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

The supermarket I work in got in non-big name brand TVs for a Christmas sale and one of the managers went next door to buy a movie to put on to show the clarity of the screen.

 

They got "Deck the Halls."

 

Therefore, the movie ran constantly in the store for the entire month, usually on mute but near the end (when only two or three TVs were left) someone turned up the volume and no one ever turned it back down.

 

The DVD is now sitting upstairs in the Manager's office. I constantly fear the arrival of more 'deal' televisions.

This post is proof that they have the internet in Hell... or at least sales on non-brand TVs.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

The supermarket I work in got in non-big name brand TVs for a Christmas sale and one of the managers went next door to buy a movie to put on to show the clarity of the screen.

 

They got "Deck the Halls."

 

Therefore, the movie ran constantly in the store for the entire month, usually on mute but near the end (when only two or three TVs were left) someone turned up the volume and no one ever turned it back down.

 

The DVD is now sitting upstairs in the Manager's office. I constantly fear the arrival of more 'deal' televisions.

It sounds like those TVs got exactly the movie they deserved.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Talking about all the steps involved in buying a car, I realized that we all forgot another thing about Deck the Halls.

 

Everyone was so focused on how they glossed over Danny Devito's 5 second sales pitch to the dealership owner, we didn't realize that there was no actual sale. Even if Devito is so amazing that he can convince someone to buy a car in 5 seconds, you're not bound to purchase it the instant you shout, "I'LL TAKE IT!" Not only does Devito stroll in announcing they owe him $3000 cash (another impossible unenforceable deal), but the owner walks in realizing how stupid it was to buy one of his own cars and "I paid sticker for it."

 

You didn't buy shit! You didn't pay shit! YOU CAN STILL SAY NO, IDIOT!

[PhilDaddie 0]

LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!!

LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!!

LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY!!!

[Pervo 2]

The snow never melted because they were using a paper mulch snow effect. I worked on the show in it's last week of production. I was on a cleanup crew who, in addition to tearing down set pieces, were in charge of cleaning up the bits of paper left strewn all over the main street of Cloverdale (more commonly seen as Smallville). Everyday people would come up to us to vent about all the bits of paper that kept getting into their homes. By the end of the week we were still scooping up bits of 'Snow'.

 

Also it was hot as balls middle of the summer. We were sitting at about 30 Celsius (about 86 of your American Degrees) everyday and PAs were getting Heat Exhaustion every other , so I'm surprised that DeVito wasn't looking more glistened.

 

 

 

Oh yeah, I saw Akiva Schaffer doing a location scout and that's when i first learned about Hot Rod, so it balanced the experience out a bit.

[JackChristensen 177]

Going back and listening to the Christmas episodes. I remember my wife and I rented this and Jingle All the Way in the same weekend because it was Christmas time and we were just watching every Christmas movie we came across that we'd never seen. I'm not for certain if it was that same year that we watched Jack Frost? Seems like we were in a different house for that one. Anyway, they turned out to be great research for future podcasts that hadn't even been made yet. They were fun enough to watch, even if they were bad movies. I hope they do a Christmas episode this year.