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This is a movie in which Jason Statham plays Jason Statham and does Jason Stathamy things against Bad Guys, but it sports a cast that includes Nick Nolte, 'The Shield's' Michael Chiklis, 'Boardwalk Empire' and 'The Station Agent's' Bobby Cannavale, 'The Wire's' Wendell Pierce, and Tony Award Winner Patti LuPone. It's also directed and produced by Taylor Hackford, by the guy behind 'The Devil's Advocate' and 'Ray.'

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgYaiLcByRo

 

Oh yeah, and Jennifer Lopez is a real estate agent. Fucking... what?

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The problem with this is that there have been so many attempts already to adapt Parker for the big screen in the hopes of creating a franchise. I thought Mel Gibson did pretty well in Payback as he could play a grisled criminal with no qualms about hurting people to get what he was owed. Statham just didn't sit right in the character and the fact that for some reason they tease a love story between him and JLo even though we the audience know nothing is going to happen due to him being married or engaged or whatever to Nolte's daughter, is mind boggling.

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For a good Parker movie, watch Point Blank with Lee Marvin. For some reason they change his name to Walker (I guess walking is more dynamic than parking), but it is a great movie, even better than Payback, which I like. Both are very pulpy but Payback is fun and cartoonish (which I like) while Point Blank is a little stranger and darker (though also very funny at times).

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What's more shocking is that this didn't become a film franchise, especially with how many novels there are in the Parker series. Though now the series is finding a second life as graphic novel adaptations written by Darwyn Cooke.

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Yeah, I think the previously mentioned materials make this movie even more baffling. It's a compelling character that has been in some highly regarded books, been adapted into great comics by one of my favorite comic book writers, and was earlier adapted into Point Blank, which is an amazing film; a dark and misanthropic one, but a great one. As much fun as a Statham movie can be, Lee Marvin can do more with a single stare than Statham can in an entire fight sequence.

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OK. Just stumbled on this the other night and hate-watched it with a friend. I didn't know about the books, or that it was a character that has been in film before. All I knew is that I was watching what seemed like a fairly well known, seasoned cast fart out one of the worst films I couldn't walk away from. I genuinely don't think there were any second takes in this film. It's like the dialogue was written by space aliens that had intercepted snippets of conversation, but never actually experienced an entire human sentence. It contains...

 

1. Nick Nolte phoning it in for his one day of shooting.

2. J-Lo getting undressed for...wait, why again?

3. Seriously respected actors giving performances that defy explanation.

4. A mafia hit-man that only uses a 6 inch long knife

5. Real Estate intrigue!

6. Jason Statham trying to blend into the background by wearing the biggest Cowboy hat I've ever seen and speaking in a "Texas" "accent". (both quotes intended)

 

The world needs to hear how angry this film would make Jason.

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