Episode 32 — B.J. Novak, Our Close Friend

[kneisage 2108]

yo andy kneis and i click 'like' at the same time EVERY TIME.

 

suckers.

 

but seriously, every time i go to 'like' a previously unliked post -- it returns that both andy and i like it.

 

SPOOKY.

 

I am you. We were the same person all along hahaha

 

[showshowbro 1177]

 

So I was recently recruited by these guys that are making a reality show on VH1. They are considering me as a character and they wanted me to shoot some like video diary style vids -- so i just snapped these gems.

 

SINCE YOU GUYS are my funniest peers -- whattya think -- do I look like an asshole?? ps. they told me to be an asshole.

 

 

p.s. sorry to break character all the time -- it's just that ever since my gf and i split -- i haven't been able to spend as much time with my cat cujo. she is such a bitch (my ex gf, not cujo...)

[honlads 8798]

Gotta admit, I was a little thrown by the angle LA Weekly took on HH at first: calling the show satirical in nature, labelling classic Hollywood anecdotes as "fictional", quoting the guys disparaging the RSS etc... Then it hit me, this is exactly the kind of friggin twisted, righteous bit that only Hayes & Sean could pull off. By the time I'd finished the article I was lmao. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kneisage 2108]

So I was recently recruited by these guys that are making a reality show on VH1. They are considering me as a character and they wanted me to shoot some like video diary style vids -- so i just snapped these gems.

 

SINCE YOU GUYS are my funniest peers -- whattya think -- do I look like an asshole?? ps. they told me to be an asshole.

 

 

p.s. sorry to break character all the time -- it's just that ever since my gf and i split -- i haven't been able to spend as much time with my cat cujo. she is such a bitch (my ex gf, not cujo...)

 

Sorry about your relationship and your cat. BUT yeah this is funny stuff. I think you nailed the reality show asshole vibe. I especially liked the bit about your band being on TV.

[honlads 8798]

 

So I was recently recruited by these guys that are making a reality show on VH1. They are considering me as a character and they wanted me to shoot some like video diary style vids -- so i just snapped these gems.

 

SINCE YOU GUYS are my funniest peers -- whattya think -- do I look like an asshole?? ps. they told me to be an asshole.

 

 

p.s. sorry to break character all the time -- it's just that ever since my gf and i split -- i haven't been able to spend as much time with my cat cujo. she is such a bitch (my ex gf, not cujo...)

 

Those are very funny videos, showshowbro. "Purple belt." had me laughing. That's great timing.

 

But I have a qualm. I'm sitting here "Hmm 'Charlie Moos: 3 videos'. I'll check out what that 3rd one is".

Well, well, well.

IT'S SCARY. I'm a land mammal! If you ain't tryin' to give me a cardiac arrest then wtf are you doing placing this god damn "Shark Attack" video a mere 4 clicks away from me? Are you trying to murder me? Is this attempted murder? I don't know man. I thought you were on my side.

[Freja 1290]

fuck bullies

[Freja 1290]

Forgot to ask; what's the premise of the reality show? Or is it one of those Hollywood hush hush things and you can't say anything until Deadline announces it? Please dear god let it be a sleazy dating show.

[Asteck 1250]

 

So I was recently recruited by these guys that are making a reality show on VH1. They are considering me as a character and they wanted me to shoot some like video diary style vids -- so i just snapped these gems.

 

SINCE YOU GUYS are my funniest peers -- whattya think -- do I look like an asshole?? ps. they told me to be an asshole.

 

 

p.s. sorry to break character all the time -- it's just that ever since my gf and i split -- i haven't been able to spend as much time with my cat cujo. she is such a bitch (my ex gf, not cujo...)

 

Was that Chanson who called you from Seattle? Also nice one taking the HH advice in having huge hoagie in your mouth to get that Joaquin Phoenix Theodore Twombly voice.

[showshowbro 1177]

u guys are a bunch of sweethearts. but this is one of those times when i'm intimidated in my posting 'cause you're all being so funny.

 

But I have a qualm. I'm sitting here "Hmm 'Charlie Moos: 3 videos'. I'll check out what that 3rd one is".

Well, well, well.

IT'S SCARY. I'm a land mammal! If you ain't tryin' to give me a cardiac arrest then wtf are you doing placing this god damn "Shark Attack" video a mere 4 clicks away from me? Are you trying to murder me? Is this attempted murder? I don't know man. I thought you were on my side.

 

honlads, it's ME -- SHOSHO. Of course i'm not trying to give you cardiac arrest! I wrote that song after I split up with my ex-gf and I was feeling very blue and spooked out (about the cat (cujo) -- not HER 'cause she's a friggin looney and i forgot her name already)

 

Forgot to ask; what's the premise of the reality show? Or is it one of those Hollywood hush hush things and you can't say anything until Deadline announces it? Please dear god let it be a sleazy dating show.

 

I'll tell you on FB (the forums aren't safe at this time).

 

 

Was that Chanson who called you from Seattle? Also nice one taking the HH advice in having huge hoagie in your mouth to get that Joaquin Phoenix Theodore Twombly voice.

 

he hasn't called me in at least 2 days and i'm starting to worry.

[kobthatreal 5896]

get out my head charrrrles! I was laughin so if dem boyz don't call u back let me know ill send some of my pork & beans hitters to fix em up a plate of their own dix lol its funny but ill do it.

[honlads 8798]

honlads, it's ME -- SHOSHO. Of course i'm not trying to give you cardiac arrest! I wrote that song after I split up with my ex-gf and I was feeling very blue and spooked out (about the cat (cujo) -- not HER 'cause she's a friggin looney and i forgot her name already)

 

Consider. Yourself. Japed! Sorry man, but I just pranked you so hard. I was only a little scared, there was no risk to my health. Thanks though, and I hope you're better now. Your videos are real good, and I hope things work out with regard to the reality show.

[greggy 15909]

not to be rude, but what the devil does HONLADS mean anyway

[robinsbruce 4985]

CHANSON LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVES

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

CHANSON LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVES

 

where, though? where does he lives?

[robinsbruce 4985]

on a boats apparently? he sounded pretty cheesed in his one internet comment board post.

[greggy 15909]

oh chanson you say? what a cheeseboat :wub:

[Joe McGurl 8358]

More like Hanson. Heh. Nailed it.

 

*high fives Michael Jordan as he's slam dunking the ball over Shaq*

 

*we get milkshakes after the game and he calls me son*

 

*I go home and open up my diary to write, "BEST. FRIGGEN. DAY. EVER."*

 

*I wake up from the dream*

 

*I look next to me and see two smokin hot babes on either side*

 

*Glance at the camera and say:*

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MOMMA ME LIKEY!!

 

*credits roll*

[greggy 15909]

WOW. that is eerie because i swear to g*d I have had that EXACT SAME DREAM except instead of going for milshakes i know in the dream that i am back in my old family home where i grew up, except the floor plan is actualy the living room/kitchen from Full House, and then brent who used to be my boss when i worked at the target snack bar when i was 17 calls and is like GREGGY WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE 15 MINUTES ASGO and so i am super stressed and i am just like i have to go, i dont have time to get ready, even though im only wearing a t shirt and boxer shorts, but then i like stop to put on pants but then my dad yells at me and says theres no time for that so i just run for the door but i trip on the doorjamb and then i jerk awake very sudden and scarily

then instead of waking up with babes im right in my own bed with my wife mavis sleeping next to me

[showshowbro 1177]

ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING A FUNNY GOOD JOKE ON ME?????

 

I was dreaming the same dream only instead of Michael Jordan, it was Michael Jackson. Next thing I know -- my elbow slips off the desk and BOOM -- I wake up in the middle of study hall -- SCORE!!! Only ten minutes 'til 5th period.

 

Wait, is it Friday? OH SHIT!!!! it's FRIDAY and only TEN MINUTES 'TIL 5TH PERIOD!!!

 

IF I DON'T PASS THIS CHEMISTRY TEST, COACH WON'T LET ME PLAY IN THE BIG GAME!!!!

~buzz buzz~ TEXT FROM EMILY ~buzz buzz~

ur such a jerk shosho!! veronica told me that you were making out with tons of hawt-ass chicks by the lockers!!

 

I raise my hand.

 

"mr. dybdhall, i need to go to the nurse it's an emergency!!"

 

"well class, would you look who's awake? well, mr. bro -- what's so important that it can't wait until 5th period??""

 

"I need to take my pills for my abnormally large dong,"

 

[wide shot -- ladies raise eyebrows. bell rings. cut to me skateboarding through the halls grinding the locks off all the lockers between high fives. end scene.]

 

"NO TALKING CLASS, THIS ISN'T A GROUP TEST!!"

 

[wide shot. students are sweating furiously -- but i'm calm and collected}

 

I'm the first to rise, walking confidently to the teachers desk and pitching the test to her.

 

but as i do so, the test becomes a football. THE TEACHER BECOMES A RUNNINGBACK.

 

THE CLASSROOM BECOMES A STADIUM, AND I'M OFF TO THE ENDZONE!

 

THEY'RE RUNNING THE FLEA-FLICKER!!! THEY'RE RUNNING THE FLEA-FLICKER!!

 

it's a one-handed catch in the end-zone, but I pull it in tight to the numbers and hold on for dear life.

 

TOUCHDOWN!!!! -- THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!!!!

 

after the game my dad approaches and tells me he's proud of me.

 

i look him dead and the eye and say --

 

SHUT UP BRUCE, I'M TALKING TO COACH!!

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

Egg frying. Fishing gear. The Hell piker. Super mint. Doll, shawl, Paul. Thrall, ball, y'all. Spear some rays and scrod. Lowe's.

 

Dude, rhymezone is so sick. So tight.

[burdrulz 1760]

You guys I got to meet Eugene Mirnman on tuesday night.

 

All I can say about the experience is that it will probably be turned into a bit about nervous / anxious graphic designers asking "so did you like everything?" too many times. This then led into an awkward arm thrusting chant, "WE DID ITTTTTTT".

 

Also I was purposely trying to not get drunk because I didn't want to be that drunk asshole guy who is overly excited and talkative, but I was that guy because as much as I tried, I totally got drunk.

 

So look for that.

[mwn 5470]

fuck bullies

 

the dark side of fuck buddies

[Joe McGurl 8358]

Mowing my lawn today and accidentally chopped up a rogue Christmas ornament that was in my yard.

 

It shattered and gave me a cut on my calf. It wasn't bleeding or anything but it was enough for me to know that Santa IS always watching and maybe I haven't been as good of a boy as I thought.

 

Close call.

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

You guys I got to meet Eugene Mirnman on tuesday night.

 

All I can say about the experience is that it will probably be turned into a bit about nervous / anxious graphic designers asking "so did you like everything?" too many times. This then led into an awkward arm thrusting chant, "WE DID ITTTTTTT".

 

Also I was purposely trying to not get drunk because I didn't want to be that drunk asshole guy who is overly excited and talkative, but I was that guy because as much as I tried, I totally got drunk.

 

So look for that.

 

The ugly guy? Gross.

[greggy 15909]

 

the dark side of fuck buddies

lol