Episode 54 — Clark Duke, Our Close Friend

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

i read through everyones things they wrote both this week and last and they all was funny. good job vb and greggy and cmb and av. you are all valued members of the community.

[rod aug 5637]

Last night I came up with some dope stand up jokes while in a nyquil induced haze, sadly they are not as funny tonight but I'll post the gist of them anyways. They both have to do with drug sniffing dogs, which I thought was an interesting and funny topic that comedians hadn't touched on before, unfortunately I was in a drug induced haze and that influenced my opinion on what is funny.

 

I want to buy a drug sniffing dog so when I take it for walks I know which neighbors I should be friends with.

and

I wonder if police officers get drug sniffing dogs high, so they get excited when they smell cars and/or houses with their police officer friends.

[RyanWright 713]

 

mhh, yes, speak on that.

 

of course, well the word "struggle" is what makes it funny to me. making verbs have dual meanings is funny and smart and good

 

Probably Aladdin sane because that's the most recognizable. A nice suit and slicked back hair would be cool but then people might think I'm the great gatsby or something. Oh gosh this is so hard!! What r you all gonna be? Maybe ill copy you.

 

wear your normal clothes backwards and go as kriss kross.

Bonus points for a duo

Bonus points for shaving lines into your eyebrow

[RyanWright 713]

what is scarier? a ghost saying boo at you or a crowd booing you? or a ghost crowd booing at you?!

Aaaaahhhhhhh!!

 

... aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

[Casaba 5942]

i read through everyones things they wrote both this week and last and they all was funny. good job vb and greggy and cmb and av. you are all valued members of the community.

 

TKS, first of all, thank you. Second, is this your way of asking us all to write stories about you so you can use all of our stories for a sitcom pitch you have lined up later this month?

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

I was on an airplane twice yesterday for work and got some ideas for stand-up if I was ever gonna do it.

 

They handed out these peanuts to everybody and I just got to thinking, what's the deal with these things, ya know?

[ajzthisisdumb 857]

I was on an airplane twice yesterday for work and got some ideas for stand-up if I was ever gonna do it.

 

They handed out these peanuts to everybody and I just got to thinking, what's the deal with these things, ya know?

I mean like why dont they just make the whole plane out of the black box? WTF????

[greggy 15909]

then again all those planes have such fancy painting on them, i wish they would just wear like back polos or something

[rod aug 5637]

I was on an airplane twice yesterday for work and got some ideas for stand-up if I was ever gonna do it.

 

They handed out these peanuts to everybody and I just got to thinking, what's the deal with these things, ya know?

hmmmm yessss

Do you mind speaking on that?

[Andrew 4646]

Black polos do a certain thing like this, but white polos do the same thing in a different way.

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

hmmmm yessss

Do you mind speaking on that?

I guess I just feel like... okay... I thought this would be easier to explain. Ummmmm, wow I'm so blanking. Uh, I was in my seat on the plane (38A). Way in the back, BUT it was a window so I was feelin' pretty good vibes (Andy) about my spot. So then this flight attendant comes around with these little baggies, and starts asking if I want pretzels, peanuts or cookies. I didn't really want cookies because I've seen monsters get hooked on them and I consider myself a monster of rock (and another thing that rhymes with that (I'm built in a certain way)), and pretzels is the same so I figured I'd go peanuts. All of the sudden I open up with bag of peanuts and just think, "what's the deal with these?" I couldn't stop laughing in my mind. So I thought maybe I could take this observation and somehow share it with other people that maybe even had a similar observation themselves but weren't brave enough to say it. Like, I'd be saying what the audience was thinking. I don't know. This probably sounds stupid but I guess it's just my sick sense of humor.

[ajzthisisdumb 857]

I guess I just feel like... okay... I thought this would be easier to explain. Ummmmm, wow I'm so blanking. Uh, I was in my seat on the plane (38A). Way in the back, BUT it was a window so I was feelin' pretty good vibes (Andy) about my spot. So then this flight attendant comes around with these little baggies, and starts asking if I want pretzels, peanuts or cookies. I didn't really want cookies because I've seen monsters get hooked on them and I consider myself a monster of rock (and another thing that rhymes with that (I'm built in a certain way)), and pretzels is the same so I figured I'd go peanuts. All of the sudden I open up with bag of peanuts and just think, "what's the deal with these?" I couldn't stop laughing in my mind. So I thought maybe I could take this observation and somehow share it with other people that maybe even had a similar observation themselves but weren't brave enough to say it. Like, I'd be saying what the audience was thinking. I don't know. This probably sounds stupid but I guess it's just my sick sense of humor.

You truly are TWISTED* man

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*also a pretzel pun now that I think of it

[rod aug 5637]

Bozo you are CRAZY! How do you think of this stuff, you must smoke some major doobage.

[Zsinjeh 1677]

grass is for mowing

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

is for ssshhhmmMOW-king

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

 

TKS, first of all, thank you. Second, is this your way of asking us all to write stories about you so you can use all of our stories for a sitcom pitch you have lined up later this month?

 

well now that you bring it up, i'm in a major bind. i have a meeting with bustop the mystery exec TOMORROW and i have NOTHING to show him. i keep saying "ok tomorrow i'm going to sit down and write the next seinfeld or the next frasier or the next mike & molly" but then something comes up like the piggies get out of their pen or a tree falls on a cow and i have to put it down or i get drunk.

 

and now i don't have any funny make-em-ups to put on the tv!!

[xoValeriexo 4369]

[greggy 15909]

 

well now that you bring it up, i'm in a major bind. i have a meeting with bustop the mystery exec TOMORROW and i have NOTHING to show him. i keep saying "ok tomorrow i'm going to sit down and write the next seinfeld or the next frasier or the next mike & molly" but then something comes up like the piggies get out of their pen or a tree falls on a cow and i have to put it down or i get drunk.

 

and now i don't have any funny make-em-ups to put on the tv!!

u dont have to steal tks, ilu

here are free story ideas you can have:

2 ghosts are haunting each other, both think the other one is alive

a barber and a chef buy a double decker bus and turn it into a barber shop upstairs and food truck downstairs...with a shocking twist i can pm u

2 and one half men reboot

in post-ebola apocalypse, the few survivors have to learn how to get along with each other again. traditional multi-camera sitcom

a beaver is a gynecologist, ironically. this is good and rando for [as]

bernie sanders prank show - socialist senator from vermont generally fuc*s with people, doing pranks, close up magic, and seizing the means of production

 

let me know if bustop dont like any of those, i got more in the tank

[rod aug 5637]

I have one more idea that is unique and interesting if I can piggy back off you greggy

 

2 officers train the drug sniffing police dog (voice of tommy chong) who just wants to hang out and blaze up, which leads to some crazy encounters with drug lords!

[Joe McGurl 8358]

 

Too scary. Thanks for the night terrors, Veebs.

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

Bozo you are CRAZY! How do you think of this stuff, you must smoke some major doobage.

I'm all about major doobage and major boobage.

[chanson 9697]

hugs not drugs

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

If I hadn't spent so much time building up the OcterDoctopus brand my new username would be Rick Ross and Rachel

[chanson 9697]

Happy FUCKING Birthday VEEBS!

[Andrew 4646]

What kind of monster would do this to a friend colleague superior?