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Lando

Jupiter Ascending

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I kind of want to see this, it looks like the fake film in Gentlemen Broncos and I have a soft spot for grand space operas.

 

(I'm just putting this out there for discussion)

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Normally I'd be all in and embrace a crazy Wachowski space opera (I actually enjoyed Cloud Atlas for its unabashed insanity), but it's Mila Kunis that makes me wary on this one. Her acting is just...well, it's bad. It's reaaaaaaal bad. I mean, Oz the Great and Powerful was never going to be a great movie, but she could have had fun with it and just gone for it but instead she just kinda sat there, seemingly confused about the type of movie she was currently starring in.

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I actually hated Cloud Atlas for... a lot of reasons, but I am happy the Wachowskis are still around doing these completely insane movies. I am all in for this and I really want to see it. Huzzah for Space Opera!

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I actually hated Cloud Atlas for... a lot of reasons, but I am happy the Wachowskis are still around doing these completely insane movies. I am all in for this and I really want to see it. Huzzah for Space Opera!

 

Don't get me wrong, there are things in Cloud Atlas that are indefensible. Like uhhh this, for example:

 

Hugo-Weaving-in-Cloud-Atlas-Nea-So-Copros-Future-Asian.jpeg

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All I'm gonna say about the Cloud Atlas makeup stuff is that they probably should have done the whole thing in CGI instead of going for live action. People wouldn't have had such a visceral reaction to characters being reincarnated into different ethnicities (and it would have looked better when they did)

 

That said, you have more of a problem with Kunis than Tatum? He is abysmal outside of comedies, Kunis can at least point to The Black Swan.

 

Also, look at this description:

In a bright and colorful future, a young destitute caretaker gets targeted by a ruthless son of a powerful family that live on a planet in need of a new heir, so she travels with a genetically engineered warrior to the planet in order to stop his tyrant reign.

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I saw this last night and as soon as I left the theater I thought about trying to explain my feelings about it to a friend and the best I could come up with is "classical science fiction with everything good and bad that implies." So. I think it's as great as it is terrible.

 

I think it could be good for an episode of HDTGM with the right guest. But there are probably a million more movies I would rather see.

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The one person probably hating this the most is Eddie Redmayne, who must be just watching his Oscar hopes go down the drain. I know Academy voters are only supposed to vote based on the nominated role, but numerous writers and critics have said that other roles in the year can affect a person's chances of winning or other things happening in their life near the Oscars (I remember Mickey Rourke's dog dying was said to be a possible swaying point for him maybe winning for the Wrestler). And from the reviews I have read of this movie, Redmayne is just getting trounced for his performance.

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Most of the performances I thought were perfectly serviceable but Redmayne - he whispered. His entire performance was an asthmatic whisper EXCEPT for the two times when he lost his shit and screamed one or two words like he'd got stabbed in the stomach in the middle of his line.

 

It was really strange and really out of place (especially since the characters siblings were actually pretty good [and that Redmayne was pretty watchable in Pillars of the Earth])

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The one person probably hating this the most is Eddie Redmayne, who must be just watching his Oscar hopes go down the drain. I know Academy voters are only supposed to vote based on the nominated role, but numerous writers and critics have said that other roles in the year can affect a person's chances of winning or other things happening in their life near the Oscars (I remember Mickey Rourke's dog dying was said to be a possible swaying point for him maybe winning for the Wrestler). And from the reviews I have read of this movie, Redmayne is just getting trounced for his performance.

I'm not sure that that's ever really been a serious thing though, the "shitty movie currently in theaters killing Oscar chances" thing. It's certainly something that people like to pin losses to as reasons why someone didn't win, but I really don't believe that the people that get to vote on them are THAT petty, as they certainly know better and no doubt have some shitty cinematic skeletons in their closets as well. They're not like publicly-elected politicians that have to bend to the will of their constituents that are pressured to vote one way or the other, otherwise the most commercially successful films would win the most awards every time. That said, I'm not sure that I've heard much general discussion either way about this film, much less any focus on Redmayne, but the theater I'm at is in a small market that still hasn't gotten "Theory of Everything" where "American Sniper" has been making an absolute killing for weeks. I think the week after the Oscars here will be all about how THAT movie was robbed and should have won everything, because dammit, that was the only movie in the race that 95% of our customers even bothered to see. This is the time of year when we start getting "When are you going to get..." a movie we had even just two months ago that our very mainstream, old, white customer base didn't even bother with because they weren't being told to see it yet.

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I'm not sure that that's ever really been a serious thing though, the "shitty movie currently in theaters killing Oscar chances" thing. It's certainly something that people like to pin losses to as reasons why someone didn't win, but I really don't believe that the people that get to vote on them are THAT petty, as they certainly know better and no doubt have some shitty cinematic skeletons in their closets as well. They're not like publicly-elected politicians that have to bend to the will of their constituents that are pressured to vote one way or the other, otherwise the most commercially successful films would win the most awards every time.

 

Exactly. I recall hearing that, despite a lot of people thinking that Eddie Murphy lost the Academy Award for "Dreamgirls" because of "Norbit," it had more to do with how he's considered kind of a jerk in Hollywood. Quite frequently, the Academy Awards voters are less about what movie excelled in a given category and more about who in a field of nominees has the most friends amongst the voting bloc; it's less like a public election and more like the "Most Likely to Succeed" page of a yearbook.

 

On a similar note, I recall reading in 2011 an article on what would "Norbit" various nominees' chances, and the choices were ridiculous. Several of the offending movies had yet to be released, but more notably, it claimed that it would hurt David O. Russell and Darren Aronofsky that they were going to work on "Uncharted" and "The Wolverine," respectively--two movies that hadn't even begun production yet, and movies that I managed to predict they wouldn't end up directing.

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I actually hated Cloud Atlas for... a lot of reasons, but I am happy the Wachowskis are still around doing these completely insane movies.

 

The best thing about Cloud Atlas was the entire week of Yo Is This Racist? that it inspired.

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Nothing can stop Redmayne from winning the Oscar at this point. Not even a shitty sci-fi garbage dump like this.

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Exactly. I recall hearing that, despite a lot of people thinking that Eddie Murphy lost the Academy Award for "Dreamgirls" because of "Norbit," it had more to do with how he's considered kind of a jerk in Hollywood. Quite frequently, the Academy Awards voters are less about what movie excelled in a given category and more about who in a field of nominees has the most friends amongst the voting bloc; it's less like a public election and more like the "Most Likely to Succeed" page of a yearbook.

 

On a similar note, I recall reading in 2011 an article on what would "Norbit" various nominees' chances, and the choices were ridiculous. Several of the offending movies had yet to be released, but more notably, it claimed that it would hurt David O. Russell and Darren Aronofsky that they were going to work on "Uncharted" and "The Wolverine," respectively--two movies that hadn't even begun production yet, and movies that I managed to predict they wouldn't end up directing.

Yeah, while it is still kind of a popularity contest, it's more like voting on an Employee of the Month at work. Like, I've had nothing but trouble working with this one kid, so I'm never going to vote for him no matter what. Something like that, but with more money flying around.

 

The funny thing with "Jupiter Ascending" is that it was supposed to be out last summer and would have been long forgotten by this point instead of being forgotten a few months from now, so would people have been saying "Oh, that Redmayne kid was in that shitty movie from half a year ago that I didn't see anyway, so fuck that guy"? I doubt it. I'm more surprised that they're not going with the usual "the real guy wasn't REALLY like this, which totally affects the quality of filmmaking and/or performance or something" stand-by (I believe that's Built-In Awards Season Storyline Template #7), but maybe that's harder to attack with when the guy the movie is about is still alive to defend himself.

 

Oh, and fuck Cumberbatch, because he's going to be doing a superhero movie in a couple of years...

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Nothing can stop Redmayne from winning the Oscar at this point. Not even a shitty sci-fi garbage dump like this.

I don't know, I got my money on Keaton who was absolutely amazing, followed closely by Carell.

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Oh, this movie is bad.

 

This movie is bad bad bad bad bad.

 

This movie is bonkers. Mila Kunis is a "normal girl" who finds out she's a business mogul space queen. She acts either non-plussed about it or sort-of confused depending on the scene. She asks the wrong questions at all the wrong times. Everything has a name: there are Hunters and Keepers and Cruisers and Lycantants and there is zero explanation to what any of those words really means. Channing Tatum hitches a ride on the outside of a spacecraft. Sean Bean plays a man whose DNA has been "spliced" with a bee and his name is "Stinger". Eddie Redmayne says every single line in a hushed whisper and tears welling in his eyes and it's literally the greatest thing I've seen this year.

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Anyone who's seen 21 or 22 Jump Street has to know that Channing Tatum has outstanding comedy chops, and anyone who's seen Foxcatcher can hopefully acknowledge he is just as capable at dramatic roles as well. Mila Kunis has been great when given the opportunity, but has definitely not been offered the Oscar Nominated films that Tatum has. However, these two have zero chemistry together, largely due to the horrendous "classic" sci-fi dialogue and wrong questions at the wrong times that empty jerrycan pointed out.

 

This movie is like... a story centered in the same universe as Frank Herbert's Dune, but at the height of the empire described in the story, maybe a thousand years before Paul Atreides leads that big, bloody intergalactic jihad. As a result, you have the same problems of convoluted world building that the Dune adaptations have faced, as well as the awkward and hollow female characters the classic sci-fi authors have always had. I appreciate the Big Time ambition of something like this, but look at, say, the first Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy; those films have incredibly complex backstories, but are still more concerned with telling a good narrative and have fun than filling in your knowledge gaps. It's like if, in order to enjoy Guardians of the Galaxy, you had to know the entire history of the Celestials and the Infinity Stones/Gems before the end of the first act. That would have been awful.

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I feel like if the Wachowskis had collaborated with Tarantino like they had with Tykwer in Cloud Atlas this could have been incredible.

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I was actually amazed that Tatum didn't get an Oscar nomination for Foxcatcher, especially since his part was a lot more vital to the story until the end. I thought he did an amazing job with that role, though it may have been the random frosted tips that cost him the nomination.

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I am going to be brutally honest here: Jupiter Ascending is one of the most insane, excessive, confounding, and glorious movies released by a Hollywood studio in a very, very long time.

 

It's the type of film perfect for HDTGM in the sense that so much love was put into its production --- the cinematography, production design, costume design and CGI are beautifully designed and realized --- and yet it all falls apart oh so terribly. "Next level bonkers" doesn't even begin to describe what happens in this movie. And if that isn't enough reason, Eddie Redmayne gives one of the most deliciously terrible and incoherent performance I've ever seen by a human being.

 

Paul. June. Jason. I beg you.

 

Please do this movie.

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What a peace of work. It's like a remake of The last starfighter. Story plot line almost the same, all over the fucking place. at one moment it's kind a like dune. Then it's like Star Wars episode one with no real story direction they wanted to go in. Little bit of matrix with the chosen one too.

 

I really feel too old to enjoy this movie.

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If the HDTGM gang someday decides to cover "Jupiter Ascending" I want them to discuss 2 really dumb things that drove me completely crazy...

 

1. The many hairstyles, makeup and wardrobe changes of Mila Kunis... SHE TRAVELED TO SPACE AND BACK AND HER HAIR WAS ALWAYS BLOWDRIED OR LIKE SHE HAD A HAIR AND MAKEUP STYLIST WITH HER 24 / 7!!!

 

2. On at least 2 scenes people "drink" from oviously empty cups / drinking glasses / wine glasses

 

 

P.S.: Sorry for the CapsLock and please... DO THIS MOVIE!!!

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It's next week's episode people!

 

Dangit! Just as it leaves my local second-run theater and I missed it yet again!

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