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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 105.5 — MINISODE 105.5

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Long time fan, first time poster. They were pretty good about this in the last episode, but could I please, please, please ask for a very general synopsis of a movie before they get all into it? I really enjoy the podcast and usually don't watch the movie. Lately, it seems like they gloss over the general plot of the movie and jump around, which makes for difficult listening. Really, a 3 line summary will do . . . . thanks!

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I could not stop laughing the entire time LL Cool J was "acting" cold in the water. Has the man never been cold in his life? If you are shivering your whole body moves not just your lips! We kept replaying it over and over again!

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Long time fan, first time poster. They were pretty good about this in the last episode, but could I please, please, please ask for a very general synopsis of a movie before they get all into it? I really enjoy the podcast and usually don't watch the movie. Lately, it seems like they gloss over the general plot of the movie and jump around, which makes for difficult listening. Really, a 3 line summary will do . . . . thanks!

 

Totally agree. And sometimes lately, it seems like they don't even bother with the "gloss over the general plot". I know that stuff is kind of boring if you've seen the movie, but if you haven't, it can be really hard to understand what they're talking about at times.

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I don't think you can plan the type of insanity that happens in a film where people are trying. People are too self-conscious in an intentionally bad movie because they are trying to show they are in on the joke. Then you have something like The Room where you know that every single take everyone is just putting it all out there. You can't fake that type of thing.

 

 

I think what it basically comes down to, why lightning can't really strike twice, is that the filmmakers are so BAD at trying that they missed the mark completely in most cases, which is why something becomes bad movie gold. They see that after the fact, after their creation gets a second shot at life, and they think "Hey, we'll try to do something just like that again", while still failing to realize that they're terrible at what they do. They're not comic geniuses just because their attempt at drama had unexpectedly hilarious results. Just because you're terrible at one thing doesn't mean you're going to be great at the other. You just might have no place trying to be a filmmaker. Hence, when the makers of a hilariously bad film TRY to make a bad movie, it ends up being the worst kind, an unfunny funny movie with nothing else to fall back on.

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That was really dumb, but so damn entertaining! Jesus, seeing that annoying dancing woman being engulfed in flames actually got a cheer from me.

 

And I never thought these words would leave my mouth, but...LL Cool J was the best part of that movie. As the Zouks would put it he fuckkkkinnnnggggg....nails it.

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It's a SECRET that they're genetically modified sharks? How did they think they were different? I figured the "Harvard Protocol" stuff meant they hadn't modified human genes, because these are clearly modified sharks, there's been three generations of huge modified sharks WHOA, you did WHAT?!?!

 

Thomas Jane's criminal record has nothing to do with anything going on. It's gonna attract bad publicity? What, by Monday? She's got two days to cure Alzheimer's, it's NOT going to be an issue.

 

It's *aggressively* stupid. I thought it was just *kinda* stupid so I'd never watched it. Oh no, they're going large here. Beautiful.

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I think my favorite part is when the shark attacks LL Cool J in the kitchen, it shows a real close up shot of him grabbing the fire axe, and in that first second I'm kinda envisioning like a kind of badass 'Reign of Fire' style jumping down onto the shark kill...and then it shows him in the water holding the axe and its like a toy. What purpose could that tiny little baby axe have in an emergency? He might have been better off grabbing a bunch of forks and things and going all Blue Raja on the shark. Is it the bird's axe?

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It's a SECRET that they're genetically modified sharks? How did they think they were different? I figured the "Harvard Protocol" stuff meant they hadn't modified human genes, because these are clearly modified sharks, there's been three generations of huge modified sharks WHOA, you did WHAT?!?!

 

Thomas Jane's criminal record has nothing to do with anything going on. It's gonna attract bad publicity? What, by Monday? She's got two days to cure Alzheimer's, it's NOT going to be an issue.

 

It's *aggressively* stupid. I thought it was just *kinda* stupid so I'd never watched it. Oh no, they're going large here. Beautiful.

 

The Thomas Jane criminal thing was so idiotic. We have Sam Jackson tell him "I know you have a criminal past, so I have my eye on you.." and then it's basically dropped. I guess maybe in making him the hero, they're trying to make it a redemption story? But it's dropped early enough and not referenced enough that it makes no fucking sense to have it in the first place.

 

Ugh.

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I think my favorite part is when the shark attacks LL Cool J in the kitchen, it shows a real close up shot of him grabbing the fire axe, and in that first second I'm kinda envisioning like a kind of badass 'Reign of Fire' style jumping down onto the shark kill...and then it shows him in the water holding the axe and its like a toy. What purpose could that tiny little baby axe have in an emergency? He might have been better off grabbing a bunch of forks and things and going all Blue Raja on the shark. Is it the bird's axe?

 

HA!! THAT'S AWESOME! I can't remember, but is there a moment in that scene when the shark turns on the oven?

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Woah!!! So much to say about this movie and so much responses to all of your posts... I'll try to make this post as short as I can... LONG POST INCOMING

 

Just wondering... Are Thomas Jane and Christopher Lambert the same person??? (I googled that and there are multiple images made by other people... So I'm not the only one who thinks that...)

 

LLCJ in this movie is legitimately hilarious. Can't wait to rewatch this movie and have it all ruined for me by older eyes. It'll be just like when I saw Hollow Man again and realised how much it hates women.

 

LL Cool J has one of the most complex and rich backstories for a secontary / supporting role that I have EVER seen and the way that it unfolds is BONKERS... ( "Oh... LL Cool J is a cook" "Oh... He has a pet bird" "Oh... His name is Preacher" "Oh... He judges Samuel L. Jackson for unnecessary putting his life in danger" "Oh... He has a HUGE crucifix that was unseen for the first third of the film" "Oh... He talks to God out loud" "Oh... He was an alcoholic" "Oh... He recites the Bible and adds profanities" )

The sets from "Deep Blue See" where a mix between the lab hallways from "Hollow Man" and the main submarine Lair from "Austin Power in Goldmember" ( The one in the scene where Dr. Evil finally gets its sharks with laser beams attached to their heads )

 

For me, main character lady's death was more of the shocker, but not in an "OH SHIT, no they di'int!" way, so much as an "Oh wow, they actually committed to killing off this protagonist that actually deserved it" kind of way.

 

According to IMDB.com: "In a test screening one month before the film's opening, the ending had Susan (Saffron Burrows) escaping the shark at the end and saving the day with the spear gun. Audiences booed that ending, and sure enough, it came out with Susan getting eaten and Preacher (LL Cool J) saving the day. You can actually tell that some of the final shots were three-shots, with empty space where Burrows would have been. Sometimes Thomas Jane's eye-line looks like it should go to her. She's been digitally erased."

 

So after knowing that, the final version ( Where the Main Lady Dr. / Scientist dies ) has an "Don't Fuck With Nature / God" undertone highlighted even more by the death of the Characters that didn't care who or what they fuck with for their personal gain. ( The lady Doctor and Samue L. Jackson )

 

And also after the shark maulled LL Cool J's legs I found it imposible to suspend my disbelief that he stood up and speared the shark... But thats explained by the IMDB quote I posted... That scene was a re-shoot...

 

If I had to pick the best thing about this movie, it would be that every time someone gets eaten, it looks like a cartoon shark ripping apart a Barbie or Ken doll.

 

I'm looking forward to this episode because honestly, the movie - for what it is - wasn't terrible, just sort of cheeseball. I might actually watch it again, because action sequences make me all ADD, so I spent half the movie goofing around online and then having to rewind when I realized someone had just been chomped. I probably missed some stuff.

 

The conversation where they're trying to find the dead lady's vibrator batteries was odd. It seemed like maybe they were trying to be funny, but it just came off badly. Then again, maybe they were trying to be clever. "Where would we find batteries other than a flashlight or clock radio? Somewhere a scientist/compulsive masturbator would think to look?" Then again, I don't remember any of the dialogue being all that good, so it's really just one scene of many that could have benefitted from the writers asking themselves, "How do human beings talk?"

 

I did find Stellan Skaarsgard's (not going to look up the correct spelling) death to be the scariest of all of them.

 

I found the conversation AFTER "the looking for the vibrator batteries" conversation even crazier... LL Cool J says to Michael Rappaport that its like "Relativity" and adds something like "It's like touching a hot pan for a second, it feels like hours... And touching a hot lady for hours, it feels like seconds..." then Michael Rappaport says that in all the years he has studied science he NEVER heard a more perfect explanation of relativity... WHAT!??? REALLY!???

 

Ohh I forgot to add, Chef LL COOl J got omelets right in his Farewall speech to his wife and kids. Don't use milk or water, the french just use eggs. not sure about that only using two egg bit but I guess how many eggs you uses has to do with the size of your pan. I use three, and the main trick is keep the pan good and hot before adding the better. never add butter on a cold pan or it will always stick. I loved that out of all the things he wanted to share with his son and wife in his last moments of his life was his love for making good omelets.. LOL

 

Chef LL COOl J, you rule!

 

 

The unofficial sponsor of this weeks show is shark steaks over night dot com. a delicious shark steak will be sent to you each month.

 

He puts the camera in a ziplock bag and is about to throw it underwater just before Thomas Jane head pops out of the shaft... The he stick the camera into his pocket to never seen again...

 

 

P.S.: 2 More things...

 

* This movie was made by Warner Brothers and Village Roadshow Pictures the same companies that made "The Matrix" a movie that also came out in 1999

 

* It has 3 Actors from famous Marvel Movies: Samuel L. Jackson - Nick Fury, Stellan Skarsgard - Dr. Erik Selvig from "Thor" ( also in "Captain America" and "The Avengers" ) and Thomas Jane - The Punisher

 

 

Thank You SO much for reading and sorry for the possible typos...

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I found the conversation AFTER "the looking for the vibrator batteries" conversation even crazier... LL Cool J says to Michael Rappaport that its like "Relativity" and adds something like "It's like touching a hot pan for a second, it feels like hours... And touching a hot lady for hours, it feels like seconds..." then Michael Rappaport says that in all the years he has studied science he NEVER heard a more perfect explanation of relativity... WHAT!??? REALLY!???

 

 

 

 

What's even crazier then that is that it is a paraphrase of something Einstein actually said (albeit, less creepy-touchy):

 

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT's relativity."

 

Really, Scoggins? Four years at CalTech and you have never heard that same exact quote on relativity attributed to the man who developed the theory? What were they teaching you there?

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What's even crazier then that is that it is a paraphrase of something Einstein actually said (albeit, less creepy-touchy):

 

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT's relativity."

 

 

94290-I-did-not-know-that-gif-Waynes-Eu3m.gif

 

You learn something new everyday...

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The little red submarine where the gang was planning on escaping in, is actually the same submarine that was used in "Sphere", which oddly enough also starred Samuel L. Jackson! Did anybody catched that?

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Let's discuss who had the worst death.

 

I've gotta say Stellan Skarsgard. You have your arm bit off, but good news, the rescue copter is here! They hook you up to oxygen, you're good.

 

Just kidding, the winch holding the stretcher snaps, into the cold ocean you go in the middle of a storm. You can breathe, but you can't move.

 

And then the cherry on the sundae-a giant shark, as a giant "fuck you" to the scientists, hurls you at the window.

 

Poor bastard.

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So... at the beginning, a super shark escaped and was brought back by Thomas Jane. He talks with Michael Rappaport and he tell them that he already raised the out of water fences to protect against further escapes. And then, at the last minutes, it appears that the super shark master plan was to have the humans flood the station so they could escape through those exact same fences?

 

Also, at that point, wouldn't it have made more sense just to wait until the whole thing is submerged and swim over the fences?

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I just remembered 2 more crazy scenes... When LL Cool J gets trapped in an oven and the shark turns it on he hits the top with the steel top with the metallic axe head. That was super dangerous considering that it could create sparks and ignite the gas. Then he gets out from the top compartment and instead of cutting and slashing the shark with the axe right there he swims to the other side and throws his lighter... LL always taking it to another level ;)

 

Then in the final scene I felt a big let down because LL asks Tom Jane if he is sure that "it was only 3 sharks" he replied that he was sure... I thought it was going to be like the ending for "Piranha 3D" where out of nowhere a new kind of piranha appears and we have a final scare (Maybe the big female shark was pregnant and the explotion made the baby come out...) , but nope. Anti-climactic much?

 

 

Finally I wanted to make an image putting the Katy Perry superbowl shark into this move somehow but to my surprise someone had done it already...856.jpg

 

But I did mine anyway :)

 

This is it...

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Thank you for reading... A-gain

 

P.S. : If you like sharks and flash games you have to play

"Miami Shark" ( http://www.newground...tal/view/513760 )

 

and

 

"Sydney Shark" ( http://www.newground...tal/view/533302 )

 

 

I can't wait for this episode!!!

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Oh, no no no no... no, it's not fair! said agent smith to neo....

 

Maximiliano, I had a similar idea and was saving that image for the show.. as how nick cage could make this movie better.

 

2vsrpl1.jpg

 

Like in Congo where the monkeys talk, in my version of deep dish sea lol. cage Plays the voice of Sparky the happy go lucky shark. Who scientist have genetically modified to give him a voice box so they could see how the effects of the dementia are happening on the shark. Matters turn from bad to worse when Sparky starts killing people and starts yelling out not so cute catch phrases like" ever been to the deep blue sea!"

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