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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 111.5 — Minisode 111.5

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Okay, this doesn't normally happen for me, but I was re-watching the movie this morning--and although I only got about half-way through--I think my opinion on it has changed a bit. I mean, it's still coo-coo bananas, and I wouldn't go so far as to say I enjoyed it, but I think I just gave into the insanity of it all. When did my opinion change? Well, I think it was when I realized that "Caine" was just "canine" minus the extra "n." I'm sure a lot of you caught this before me, but I can be a little slow...

 

Anyway, one slow clap later, I was on-board. My apologies for my harsh criticisms from before. I'm happy to report that I no longer find this movie to be terrible.

Cameron, NOOOOOOOO! Remember the bees! And the rollerblading glitter werewolf! And Eddie Redmayne's sausage lips! Don't give in!

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Why does Balem refer to the lizard man as "Mr.?" And why do they speak English, period? Are we to understand that the customs of only English speaking populations that developed on Earth after it was seeded came directly from these progenitors?

something else to that effect:

one of the first scenes in the movie involved two aliens having a nice walk-and-talk, as they are wont to do, and I recall one of them describing something as "humane" (can't remember what exactly). I can usually suspend my disbelief when it comes to the concept of races from other planets speaking English in sci-fi movies and tv shows, but using an adjective that comes directly from the word "human" was a bit of a stretch.

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finished JA last night. woke up still pissed.

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Cameron, NOOOOOOOO! Remember the bees! And the rollerblading glitter werewolf! And Eddie Redmayne's sausage lips! Don't give in!

 

giphy.gif

 

Sweet Jesus! You're right! I don't know what came over me...

 

I retract my previous retraction. This movie is stupid. Please forgive my momentary lapse of judgement. I will go on filling my heart with contempt for this film and all it stands for until it is super-heated ball of vitriol that I can harness and fire forth from within me like a flaming hadouken of pure cinematic hatred.

 

Thanks, Fister! That was fucking scary...I'm glad you snapped me out of it. Fuck those bees!

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Okay, this doesn't normally happen for me, but I was re-watching the movie this morning--and although I only got about half-way through--I think my opinion on it has changed a bit. I mean, it's still coo-coo bananas, and I wouldn't go so far as to say I enjoyed it, but I think I just gave into the insanity of it all. When did my opinion change? Well, I think it was when I realized that "Caine" was just "canine" minus the extra "n." I'm sure a lot of you caught this before me, but I can be a little slow...

 

Anyway, one slow clap later, I was on-board. My apologies for my harsh criticisms from before. I'm happy to report that I no longer find this movie to be terrible.

 

There's also Stinger Apini, and guess what the scientific name for honey bees is? Apparently our ancient alien ancestors are really into the Latin earth names for things.

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There's also Stinger Apini, and guess what the scientific name for honey bees is? Apparently our ancient alien ancestors are really into the Latin earth names for things.

Guess they needed a pastime after they apparently KILLED ALL THE FUCKING DINOSAURS.

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You can't review Jupiter Ascending, The Nostalgia Critic and Honest Trailers already did it.

 

giphy.gif

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What actually makes me sad about this movie is that, occasionally, it looks fantastic. The way the twilight city sky looks in that initial spacebike fight? The way the camera moves around, showing the battle choreography and the skyline; it's positively gorgeous. But so much of the movie is just so out-of-balance and poorly thought out, it is impossible to actually enjoy such moments. I wish there was a way to capture the technical mastery the Wachowskis have while also managing to tell a coherent story.

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Watching this tonight...with lots of beer at the ready.

 

LET'S DO THIS, JERKS.

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Watching this tonight...with lots of beer at the ready.

 

LET'S DO THIS, JERKS.

Fair warning, you might need to take a break in the middle.

 

Can we talk about why the human wolf hybrid had wings at the end of the movie? Because that confused the hell out of me.

 

And why does he need wings if he has magic spaceboots.

 

Btw I registered just to talk about this movie because it is epic.

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What actually makes me sad about this movie is that, occasionally, it looks fantastic. The way the twilight city sky looks in that initial spacebike fight? The way the camera moves around, showing the battle choreography and the skyline; it's positively gorgeous. But so much of the movie is just so out-of-balance and poorly thought out, it is impossible to actually enjoy such moments. I wish there was a way to capture the technical mastery the Wachowskis have while also managing to tell a coherent story.

 

And the clothes! I think I forgot most of the dialogue just because in my mind I was wondering how I could cosplay as Mila in that wedding dress!

 

I'm starting to wonder if they made this movie just so they could have all of those beautiful dresses.

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I'm about 20 minutes in. This is like watching some random dude's movie, which he said was going to be super original and crazy and mind blowing, but it's just cheesy as hell and goofy in a not-so-good way.

 

WHYYYYYYYY

 

ETA: Why not just call this "CGI: The Movie"?

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I'm about 20 minutes in. This is like watching some random dude's movie, which he said was going to be super original and crazy and mind blowing, but it's just cheesy as hell and goofy in a not-so-good way.

 

And yet it ends up being so derivative of so many things...

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Good call on the Brazil reference, that seems pretty obvious now that I think about it. But while Brazil was dark and clever in its satire of beurocratic bullshit, I thought Jupiter Ascending was basically using the scene for a brief few moments of much needed levity. And at least for me, that was welcome.

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