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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 115 — Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

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Omission (of sorts): About 28 minutes into the movie,Tara Reid (April) and Bo Derek (her mom, named May) are discussing names for the baby. Mom suggests the name June to which April replies "no, April, May, June, that's ridiculous". Of course you can say that's just some ctrl+alt+save-that-shit level writing, but is it actually ridiculous? I think it's kinda cute, and I think the writer of this movie, a man who has proven his tendency to use names symbolically, might be up to some meta level symbolism here.

 

I posit that this piece of dialogue is actually a stub at our very own June (Diane Raphael) and that a certain Thunder Levin is broadcasting a secret, yet crystal clear message, a "fuck you" to the HDTMG gang, if you will, regarding their petition to write Sharknado: The Next One.

 

Am I reading too much into this? Obviously. But then again, am I?

I think it WOULD in fact be ridiculous, because in the order that they are going, the baby should be named March

 

Oh another point on shark biology, Nova and Muniz seemed like they had done a lot of research on these sharknado sharks, and were saying that they are somehow different than other sharks (they eat BIRDS!!!!!) so maybe that's a theme they are going to explore in the next one. Maybe they really are sentient and can control the weather, and they want to wipe out humanity?

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Let me start off by saying those protesters in the beginning really confused me too, at first I thought they were protesting to leave the sharks alone, because I guess I assumed after the first two movies the government would already be killing off sharks. luckily (or rather unluckily) I watched the first 10 minutes twice because my on demand screwed up and I lost my place on the first try, and I saw they were anti-shark (and actually one said "fin for president," so suck on that mark cuban).

 

...

 

Moving on, there was a scene that made for a lot of confusion in this episode, but seemed clear to me when I watched it. Those mascara bullets! I assumed that she had taken mascara things, and made shotgun shells out of them, so she was assuring the soldier that they were real ammunition, not just tubes of black shit for your eyes. I can't figure out why she would need those though, since you have to be carrying a shotgun to use them and at that point you aren't being sneaky. but it does actually add level of depth to her saying "they're real," despite that level being shameless product placement.

 

 

The protesters were kinda weird, because when I was watching the movie I did pause to read the signs. So there was the Fin for president one, and several urging the killing of all sharks, but smack in the middle of all that was one person who clearly read the tweet for the flashmob wrong and had "Sharks have feelings too!" written on it.

Its not even like there was a counter protest, since that was the only person I saw with a pro-shark poster, but they were smack dab in the middle of all the anti-sharkers and acted just like them when it came time to be a nuisance to the car to impede Fin's progress.

 

Also, agree, the mascara tube thing didn't really confuse me either. Well, it kinda did as to why the guy would have looked at those and thought they were makeup in the first place since they were huge, but it just looked like "well, sure we made her a bad-ass, but if we don't make her girly in at least some ways no one will like her."

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The protesters were kinda weird, because when I was watching the movie I did pause to read the signs. So there was the Fin for president one, and several urging the killing of all sharks, but smack in the middle of all that was one person who clearly read the tweet for the flashmob wrong and had "Sharks have feelings too!" written on it.

Its not even like there was a counter protest, since that was the only person I saw with a pro-shark poster, but they were smack dab in the middle of all the anti-sharkers and acted just like them when it came time to be a nuisance to the car to impede Fin's progress.

 

Great catch! maybe I saw that sign the first time through and that's where I got my original idea from...

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About the Hasselhoff not enough fuel part (ignoring the fact that he ends up on the moon):

Doesn't he use a jetpack to get to the satellite in the first place? Did that run out? He was also on something to jump from. But I guess dying in space is cool too.

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Some *ahem* sharkdenfreude: Sharknado 3's ratings decreased by 30% from Sharknado 2. The number of tweets about S3 was also down.

 

Corrections? I guess?:

 

Scott conjectured that S3 is an environmental film. Jason said if that were the case, then Michele Bachmann would not have appeared in the movie. Not necessarily. If you change global warming to climate change and not attribute it to human activities then there's a good chance that you can convince a conservative to grudgingly acknowledge the bare minimum facts that the weather patterns now are different than before.

 

This is my favorite pic from the episode page. Paul has been looking particularly ham ham lately.

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"The box of Hoff bobble heads is great and all, but a cameo would be better."

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I'm a HDGTM forum virgin, but--much like a shark reentering he Earth's atmosphere--these question were burning me up:

 

What was wrong with Bo Derek's eyes? They were super red, right? Either she just went swimming in a pool with an unusually high amount of chlorine or she's high. Right?

 

Also, do you think Tara Reid coming out of the slit in the shark was supposed to look like she was being born? She came out head first. That's sort of odd. I mean, I don't know, if I was coming out of the inside of a shark, I would probably go hands first. Oh, excuse me, chainsaw-hand first.

 

AND DID YOU REALIZE THAT THEY NAMED THE BABY GIL? GIL!

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OK, if the stakes is my soul, as low as that is, I want at least a clue. And non of those BS riddles doled out by sphinxes!

 

Sorry, I'd like to help you (I really would), but truly, my hands are tied. This is your standard, run-of-the-mill Faustian contract; if I break the rules for you, then I have to break them for everyone. As you can imagine, this just muddies everything, and ultimately, dilutes the commodity. So sorry--no hints, no clues. (Unless, of course, I've already hidden clues...)

 

It's fascinating that you got a lot of erotic fiction.

 

What can I say, people seem to like to read their sex.

 

 

You make the crossword for the Sacramento Herald

 

 

...And you're on the clock.

 

giphy.gif

 

Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.

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Scott conjectured that S3 is an environmental film. Jason said if that were the case, then Michele Bachmann would not have appeared in the movie. Not necessarily. If you change global warming to climate change and not attribute it to human activities then there's a good chance that you can convince a conservative to grudgingly acknowledge the bare minimum facts that the weather patterns now are different than before.

Ann Coulter wouldn't have, though. When she's not busy trying to learn the secrets of Castle Grayskull, Coulter is pretty good at denying basically any facts thrown in front of her. I still say this movie would have been better if she had denied that Sharknadoes were real right before she got eaten by a shark.

 

Also, Asylum is notoriously right-wing. They even have a production division called Faith Films that puts out super-conservative religious films.

 

Unrelated: #SharknadoYes seems to be winning on Twitter right now. Uuuuugggghhhhh. These movies aren't "getting better," like Scott said. They're just jerking off now and seeing how intentionally bad they can make them.

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Then again, what do I know? I freely admit, just as I don't work in Human Resources, I don't work in the film industry either...but if anyone can guess my career within a fortnight, they are welcome to my pot of gold!

I think it's safe to assume you're not a dental hygienist. You're probably not a quality control expert for a brewery, you don't seem that lucky, no offense. Are you a professional polo player? You'd have to have a pot of gold to play polo full time.

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I just want to say that, while I didn't watch the movie, "They're Real" is my brand of mascara and I'm guessing there is maybe a 50% chance I would have gotten that "They're Real" joke. Just a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE confusing joke. I'm going to have to switch brands now.

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I almost forgot!

 

What was with that explanation of the sharks eating birds and that is why thy can stay up in the air longer? Am I remembering that correctly? Because, I'm no scientist, but just because you eat something doesn't mean you adopt it's traits. I eat chicken. So does that mean, I could start laying eggs?

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I almost forgot!

 

What was with that explanation of the sharks eating birds and that is why thy can stay up in the air longer? Am I remembering that correctly? Because, I'm no scientist, but just because you eat something doesn't mean you adopt it's traits. I eat chicken. So does that mean, I could start laying eggs?

I eat a lot of fish, so why can't I hold my breath underwater for more than a minute?!?

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Gotta say I was surprised to hear how much the guys liked this one. There were only two things I laughed at in this. When the shark falls onto the waterslide and slides into the pool and when the lady gets squished after they drive off in the race cars.

 

#SharkNAYdo4 #AprilDies

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Scott suggested that Sharknado 3 might be offering a covert environmental message about climate change.

 

I highly doubt that because all I could think during Sharknado 3 was that this was some conservative's wet dream made into a movie:

 

First, Washington D.C.—the home of the hated federal government—is destroyed beyond recognition. And, just about the only three celebs to survive their cameos? Michelle Bachmann (here treated like a reasonable Congresswoman & not a crazy person), and the Pres/VP combo of Cuban & Ann Coulter. Cuban and Coulter even get to recreate the Iwo Jima flag photo when they USE AN AMERICAN FLAG TO BEAT THE SHARKNADO!

 

Then, just to top themselves, the key to winning this round against the Skarnado wall? That's right, the Star Wars program, aka Reagan's failure of a defense program that never actually happened because it was such a stupid idea. Except, in the Sharknadoverse, Star Wars was secretly built, became a success, and basically made Reagan the ultimate hero of this movie. Because...'Murica!

 

NASCAR cars for everyone! #SharknaDUH4

 

P.S. Bill O' Reilly said on his show that he turned down a chance to cameo in "Skark-a-nahdo 3" (his pronouncation). Based on the conservative hard-on the Sharknado 3 filmmakers had, I can only imagine how Papa Bear would've saved the day.

 

 

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Did anyone notice that in the movie Ray Js character was called Tom Major, and the director Anthony C. Ferrante has his own project he wants to do called 'THE KEY'.

But who does he want to cast in it I hear you ask, the answer to that is David Bowie, coincidence.....I think not!!!!!!!

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So they found ice in a shark's stomach meaning that they are surviving up in the air for long periods of time. What? What are they doing up there? Are we to believe that when the sharknado is not a full on nado yet, that they are just up in the clouds, eating ice and birds and NOT adhering to the rules of gravity?

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Ok, I wrote one af the so called "german podcasters" and he replied that he contacted you guys through your facebook page.

I hope you invite him over and maybe he can talk a bit about the production or something. :)

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For me the biggest laugh I got out of this movie was a quick moment towards the beginning after receiving the golden chainsaw Fin is being pestered by a reporter. He waves for Mark McGrath to come over and help him get out of it. Mark was about to eat something, but instead folds it neatly into a napkin and stick it into his breast pocket. It was something that looked like cottage cheese on a cucumber, how is that suppose to last wrapped up let alone put in a pocket? Part of me really hopes this was a choice made by Mark McGrath who, and I can't believe I'm saying this, needed to be in this movie more.

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Are you a professional polo player?

 

...water or equestrian?

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Ok, I wrote one af the so called "german podcasters" and he replied that he contacted you guys through your facebook page.

I hope you invite him over and maybe he can talk a bit about the production or something. :)/>

Look at that, HDTGM making international bridges, what a place!

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Correction- President Mark Cuban is indeed the same as our Mark Cuban. He says both "They used to call me a shark" and "I lost a friend in New York last year." To Ian Ziering referring to fellow Shark Tank star Daymond John, who is murdered by the head of the Statue of Liberty in Sharknado 2. I think that is enough to conclude that Mark Cuban is running for President in 2020.

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Out of the 3 I disliked this one the most. It all felt a little forced to me. Plus Mark McGrath didn't do any unnecessary rolls through anything.

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I tried to read all of the comments, but I might have missed some, so I apologize if I'm being repetitive, but... The sharks can crash through buildings, and even into the super safe bunker, but that Universal Studios globe is impervious to sharks? Also, why couldn't Hasselhoff have just jumped in a shark and fallen to the earth like Fin and April did? Lastly, can we stop having weird sexual tension with Fin and Nova? She acts like she still wants Fin and is annoyed by April, but then she's all "Oh, my god child, blah blah blah..."

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Equestrian

 

My, my, my--looks like I'm going to add a whole new wing to my house with all the souls I'll be collecting...

 

However, I will say that I listen to enough My Brother, My Brother and Me to appreciate the inherent compliment you've suggested in assuming a lowly drudge such as myself could somehow be worthy enough to work with horses in any capacity. Can you imagine what a Heaven it would be to work with God's most beautiful and majestic creatures? What if we all could?

 

"Two riders, one heart."

 

 

But no, I do not play polo--equestrian or aquatic--professionally. Although I do engage in a little Marco Polo from time to time, but strictly on an amateur level.

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