EPISODE 125 - Steel: LIVE!

[RyanSz 3140]

YES! I've managed a theater for far longer than I care to admit, and we get stuff like that all the time. The worst time for this is around awards season, because we're a very small market in the biggest chain in the country, and the people of this town don't seem to understand that the entertainment world doesn't revolve around them. But hey, they don't know what the fuck these movies that they can't see are about anyway, but they're up for awards, so if they see them, they must be all sophisticated n' shit.

 

Anyway, we're located right in the middle of "I'm not racist, but..." Country, and a concerned customer once pulled me aside after a film to tell me in a very matter-of-fact way that he thought the black characters in the movie seemed to be portrayed in too heroic of a manner (because like you said, we MAKE the movies, right?). I don't remember what it was exactly, some film where a white doctor goes to the African jungle or something, but apparently the tribespeople were more more noble savage than "Ooga Booga" savage, which disappointed said customer. You better believe though that once we got "Twelve Years A Slave", it became SUPER quotable. It's like there were so many hateful things that these people were just dying to say, and y'know, if someone said it in the movie, it meant it was okay to repeat it constantly and loudly...

 

One of the worst (actually, it became several of the worst) customer reactions we had was to "Brokeback Mountain". It took us a little while to get that one, because it opened in limited release and eventually expanded. As WE all know, there was a lot of hype and controversy going into that one because of the subject matter, which wasn't a surprise or twist or anything that was revealed later on like "The Crying Game" or something. I mean, if you knew ONE thing about "Brokeback", it was that it was the gay cowboy movie, right? Well, imagine the surprise of some shit-kicker around the forty-minute mark that didn't know what the movie was about, that was being dragged to it by a girlfriend that ALSO didn't know what it was about, only that it was up for every award under the sun. We had our share of FURIOUS customers coming out and swearing up a storm at us, like we'd tricked them into seeing it. "I didn't pay to see no gay shit!", I heard more than once, and while there's certainly more to the movie, they would have noticed if they'd taken even 10 fucking seconds to look anything up themselves that yes, they certainly did.

I get the same in the libraries that I work at, both in the prison and public one. Parents will come up PISSED about what their kids checked out contained something that they didn't agree with (which could be anything from violence to a juvenile character backsassing an adult). It's why all libraries have a National Banned Book Week in order to show that ignorance knows no bounds, but that a library will not block people from information or try to steer them one way or another with information. Yet the jackass director of my public library was hesitant for me to order R rated movies because "kids could check them out," to which I had to explain to him that a library is in loco parentis which means we are not the parents of these kids and if they want to check it out it is up to the parents to know what is going on in their kids' lives, you know, actually parent their goddamn kids.

 

I also get it in my prison library where inmates will complain about subject matter of books WITHOUT ACTUALLY READING THE BOOKS. I have a manga series called Assassination Classroom which is a comedic sci-fi story about a class of high schoolers tasked with killing an alien who also is their teacher. It's pretty light hearted and is really good story-wise, yet one of my regulars saw the title and started complaining that it's "shit like this that causes kids to shoot up schools etc." and that "he wouldn't let his daughters or grandkids read this." At which I almost yelled at him and asked if he wouldn't let them read it in between the times he sexually assaulted his kids' friends? So believe me when I say any person can get high and mighty on the subject matter of something, but more often than not they're all the same; stupid, stupid assholes.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

 

I love this image of the assertion of masculinity. Like, the line that crosses "I will let my girlfriend drag me to a random Heath Ledger movie" but ABSOLUTELY stops at guy-on-guy action.

 

WHOA! NO! NO. NO BUTT SEX. I AM WAY TOO MUCH OF A MAN FOR THIS. GET UP, HONEY. I HAVE TO LET THE ENTIRE LOBBY KNOW THAT I DRAW THE LINE AT GAY SEX. WHAT? YES, WE CAN STOP BY ANN TAYLOR ON THE WAY HOME.

Meanwhile, the same person finds the super gay caricatures in Adam Sandler movies to be high-larious, even though they serve no other purpose than to be the butt of a joke or to be there to make straight characters in the movie feel uncomfortable. Actually, we did get a complaint or two for "Chuck and Larry" about the gay stuff even though these guys acting like a gay couple IS THE ACTUAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE.

[Reptarftw 27]

Meanwhile, the same person finds the super gay caricatures in Adam Sandler movies to be high-larious, even though they serve no other purpose than to be the butt of a joke or to be there to make straight characters in the movie feel uncomfortable. Actually, we did get a complaint or two for "Chuck and Larry" about the gay stuff even though these guys acting like a gay couple IS THE ACTUAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE.

 

I challenge this notion.

 

No one—not even denizens of cousinfucking America—found I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry funny.

[jarrycanada 2483]

Meanwhile, the same person finds the super gay caricatures in Adam Sandler movies to be high-larious, even though they serve no other purpose than to be the butt of a joke or to be there to make straight characters in the movie feel uncomfortable. Actually, we did get a complaint or two for "Chuck and Larry" about the gay stuff even though these guys acting like a gay couple IS THE ACTUAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE.

 

how come Adam Sandler has stayed off the how did this get made radar? and what kind of blackmail does Rob Schneider have on adam to keep showing up in his movies, yet no one wants to see him.

[RyanSz 3140]

 

I challenge this notion.

 

No one—not even denizens of cousinfucking America—found I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry funny.

The only part if found slightly humorous was Ving Rhames' rendition of "I'm Every Woman," because he realized the crap film he was in and just played it up for the fun of it.

[JeddJong 50]

BB-8's mission is to deliver vital information regarding [spoilerS] to [spoilerS].

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

BB-8's mission is to deliver vital information regarding [spoilerS] to [spoilerS].

BB-8's mission is to go down stairs in the most adorable way possible!

[Mario Mario 12]

Here's a random moment that demonstrates how little thought went into this movie and made me laugh quite a bit.

 

The first night that Shaq is fighting crime in his new steel suit, he stands in the middle of the street as bad guys open fire on him and doesn't flinch. As the bullets bounce off him he even does the Dikembe Mutombo finger wag to taunt them. Later after using his magnet to take all the villains' guns, a few of them attack him with two-by-fours. At one point the man in a BULLETPROOF, STEEL SUIT dodges and jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit by a piece of wood.

[Reptarftw 27]

Here's a random moment that demonstrates how little thought went into this movie and made me laugh quite a bit.

 

The first night that Shaq is fighting crime in his new steel suit, he stands in the middle of the street as bad guys open fire on him and doesn't flinch. As the bullets bounce off him he even does the Dikembe Mutombo finger wag to taunt them. Later after using his magnet to take all the villains' guns, a few of them attack him with two-by-fours. At one point the man in a BULLETPROOF, STEEL SUIT dodges and jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit by a piece of wood.

 

But what you're missing, clearly, is that the piece of wood is metaphorical. It's a raw piece of wood. Raw wood. Unsheathed, as it were. This movie came out in 1997, and was clearly written years before that, in the height of The Basketball Diaries / Kids / Boys on the Side / drugs / needles / sex / bio awareness years.

 

He was avoiding the D. Because he didn't know where it had been, previously.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

how come Adam Sandler has stayed off the how did this get made radar? and what kind of blackmail does Rob Schneider have on adam to keep showing up in his movies, yet no one wants to see him.

I think it's because they generally stay away from comedies because making fun of bad jokes isn't really all that interesting. That said, I wouldn't mind seeing them do Blended, especially after Jason was so enamored with the trailer in one episode (can't remember which ep. Winter's Tale, maybe?)

[Reptarftw 27]

I think it's because they generally stay away from comedies because making fun of bad jokes isn't really all that interesting. That said, I wouldn't mind seeing them do Blended, especially after Jason was so enamored with the trailer in one episode (can't remember which ep. Winter's Tale, maybe?)

 

I would actually say Blended wasn't that bad. Non-ironically. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible. It felt like something critics told me I should hate, because it came post-Adam Sandler essentially admitting it was just a studio-paid vacation for him and his buds. But it wasn't bottom-of-the-barrel quality either.

 

There have been a lot worse offerings from Happy Madison (not saying much, I guess).

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

I would actually say Blended wasn't that bad. Non-ironically. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible. It felt like something critics told me I should hate, because it came post-Adam Sandler essentially admitting it was just a studio-paid vacation for him and his buds. But it wasn't bottom-of-the-barrel quality either.

 

There have been a lot worse offerings from Happy Madison (not saying much, I guess).

It definitely wasn't his worst, but it had more WTF moments (starting with the "Africa as a singular place to visit and not a giant, diverse continent" premise) than a lot of his other ones. It's also not a total chore to sit through, though, and bad comedies usually are, which is probably another reason the crew doesn't like to do them.

[Reptarftw 27]

It definitely wasn't his worst, but it had more WTF moments (starting with the "Africa as a singular place to visit and not a giant, diverse continent" premise) than a lot of his other ones. It's also not a total chore to sit through, though, and bad comedies usually are, which is probably another reason the crew doesn't like to do them.

 

I think I found that "I look like The Walking Dead" moment genuinely charming enough—even if spoiled in the trailer, as pretty much the only really good moment in the movie—to forgive so many sins. It's like watching a really shitty horror movie with one really cool set piece or earned scare that kinda validates my effort in watching. Like how Gareth Evans' work almost made V/H/S 2 recommendable, or that fucking clown in Amusement.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Oh, also, Lauren Lapkus is in Blended, so they should do it and have her be the guest.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

I think it's because they generally stay away from comedies because making fun of bad jokes isn't really all that interesting. That said, I wouldn't mind seeing them do Blended, especially after Jason was so enamored with the trailer in one episode (can't remember which ep. Winter's Tale, maybe?)

I think they've also said a lot of comedies that fans want them to do have their friends in them (like Lauren as you mentioned above) and they don't want to offend anyone by publicly making fun of their work. Now Lauren does seem like the kind of person that could make fun of something she was in which could be fun but there may be others in that movie that they know that could not take this well.

 

But you're right it was in the Winter's Tale episode and that's still one of the best parts of it lol.

 

I think if they were to do any Sandler film it would probably be The Cobbler, because... why was this made. We know how and really who the fuck cares it's more just like... why!?

[jarrycanada 2483]

BB-8's mission is to deliver vital information regarding [spoilerS] to [spoilerS].

 

here you go, spoilers.

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

update: total run time of movies+eps+mini is now over the full 16 day mark

 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1fNUxhVbJf9FOIHnE1yorJj383JS51T0cjF6XsaE8tA4/edit?usp=sharing

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I could see them doing blended but not with Lapkus. Shes actually actively trying to get work. Im sure going around and and bashing her movies isnt too high up on her to do list.

 

Sean William Scott used to flame his shitty movies before they were released. And last I heard there arent too many studios who will work with him anymore.

 

Which is a shame because he just seems like a good dude. And Goon was fucking awesome.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Okay I'm officially changing my title again because STAR WARS!!!!!!!!

 

So theorize away all you people who haven't seen it yet, because I got that shit under my belt and I am the happiest.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Okay I'm officially changing my title again because STAR WARS!!!!!!!!

 

So theorize away all you people who haven't seen it yet, because I got that shit under my belt and I am the happiest.

 

That's awesome, I trust your judgement. I've already determined that I'm not going to be able to see it until the 28th as I will be on vacation that week and can see it while my son is in daycare. Now I just have to figure out how to avoid the Internet for the next 10 days...

 

So if you all decide to talk about it here or on the mini-sode thread, you will have my undying affection if you wrap that shit in "spoiler" tags.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Okay I'm officially changing my title again because STAR WARS!!!!!!!!

 

So theorize away all you people who haven't seen it yet, because I got that shit under my belt and I am the happiest.

It was so amazing. The only people I've heard that have felt differently are those that either A) thought the prequels just "really get a bad wrap even though they're actually good movies" or are just naturally contrarian about anything most people like.

 

 

That's awesome, I trust your judgement. I've already determined that I'm not going to be able to see it until the 28th as I will be on vacation that week and can see it while my son is in daycare. Now I just have to figure out how to avoid the Internet for the next 10 days...

 

So if you all decide to talk about it here or on the mini-sode thread, you will have my undying affection if you wrap that shit in "spoiler" tags.

How old is your son? Never mind. Doesn't matter. You're never too young to watch Star Wars. Take him!

[Cameron H. 23786]

How old is your son? Never mind. Doesn't matter. You're never too young to watch Star Wars. Take him!

 

He's 3 1/2, and although I think he'd be into it for a little bit (he knows what Jedis are and we have regular lightsaber duels), I just don't think he'd make it the entire run time. He's the cutest little guy in the universe (fact), but I'm not going to subject other people to his antsy shenanigans.

 

Also, I feel like there's a really good possibility that if he doesn't sit there quietly and let me enjoy it, the middle of the movie will be interrupted by him sailing across the theater at Kylo Ren's face after I've flung him by the ankles at the screen. Guys, please don't ask the question, "Who do you love more: Star Wars or your son?" because I'm not sure I'm ready to learn what my answer might be.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

He's 3 1/2, and although I think he'd be into it for a little bit (he knows what Jedis are and we have regular lightsaber duels), I just don't think he'd make it the entire run time. He's the cutest little guy in the universe (fact), but I'm not going to subject other people to his antsy shenanigans.

 

Also, I feel like there's a really good possibility that if he doesn't sit there quietly and let me enjoy it, the middle of the movie will be interrupted by him sailing across the theater at Kylo Ren's face after I've flung him by the ankles at the screen. Guys, please don't ask the question, "Who do you love more: Star Wars or your son?" because I'm not sure I'm ready to learn what my answer might be.

My friends got married a couple months ago, and someone asked them if the new Star Wars or their wedding was the highlight of their year, and they were both like, "I'm not sure that's a question I feel comfortable answering."

[RyanSz 3140]

I just got out of the movies after seeing Force Awakens and I really enjoyed it. I'm honestly amazed that the studio was able to keep so much under wraps for such a big project. People have talked shit about Disney buying Lucasfilms and that they would ruin the series, but tend to forget that Lucas was the one completely behind the prequels, and had no one to tell him that something was a bad idea, like this:

Yes, that is a mechanical sucker where you actually make out with Jar Jar Binks. This new movie works so well, because Disney paid over 4 billion dollars for this franchise, and they are going to do their damndest to not piss the fans off so that they can earn back that money and then some. Plus you have the fact that the entire crew of this movie growing up on Star Wars or for some, being a part of the original trilogy, and they want to preserve that image while adding their own stamp to it.

 

My only gripe about the movie was Finn, who I really couldn't get a read on. Most of the movie he was great and fit in that universe, while other times he came off as an extra from a Fast & the Furious movie and it just took me out of the movie. I did laugh on the way out of the theater when I heard a guy behind me say to his buddy, "oh yeah, they're definitely going to make another one." Really, you think Disney was just going to be one and done and not complete the trilogy?

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I just got out of the movies after seeing Force Awakens and I really enjoyed it. I'm honestly amazed that the studio was able to keep so much under wraps for such a big project. People have talked shit about Disney buying Lucasfilms and that they would ruin the series, but tend to forget that Lucas was the one completely behind the prequels, and had no one to tell him that something was a bad idea, like this:

Yes, that is a mechanical sucker where you actually make out with Jar Jar Binks. This new movie works so well, because Disney paid over 4 billion dollars for this franchise, and they are going to do their damndest to not piss the fans off so that they can earn back that money and then some. Plus you have the fact that the entire crew of this movie growing up on Star Wars or for some, being a part of the original trilogy, and they want to preserve that image while adding their own stamp to it.

 

My only gripe about the movie was Finn, who I really couldn't get a read on. Most of the movie he was great and fit in that universe, while other times he came off as an extra from a Fast & the Furious movie and it just took me out of the movie. I did laugh on the way out of the theater when I heard a guy behind me say to his buddy, "oh yeah, they're definitely going to make another one." Really, you think Disney was just going to be one and done and not complete the trilogy?

Finn was a little odd in that he didn't really seem to fit his own backstory, like he was a bit too comedic for someone in the situation he was in. Small gripe though. Another small gripe that isn't really a spoiler, but does anyone else feel that a certain someone was a bit over the top in their facial acting? Not "Over The Top" over the top, but maybe a little theatrical.