EPISODE 119 — Friends, Our Close Friends

[robotam 4493]

W E L C O M E H O M E

[chanson 9697]

Webster's Dictionary defines a Reunion as an island in the Indian Ocean, owned by France, that is known for its volcanism and rainforested interior. Webster's Dictionary is fucking wrong, because this show is the only reunion I need in my life.

[SteveH 11126]

is Hayes back for good or was this just - what the french would call - a weekend rendezvous?

[apocowarg 2696]

Welp. This is my life now.

[Shrek & Donkey Kong 4336]

is Hayes back for good or was this just - what the french would call - a weekend rendezvous?

 

 

yeah this episode is basically the movie Before Sunset

[rod aug 5637]

oh man i can't believe sean finally made it back to new york for an episode! love to hear my boys together in the big apples just like old times!

[apocowarg 2696]

I bet you think I made that first post just to be a greedy pig and get the first. I bet you think I didn't even listen to the episode before I wrote it. I was actually sent the episode a couple hours early. Sean and Hayes asked me to play along and not reveal the twist. We got you all pretty good. I mean you should see your dumb faces right now. Anyway I gotta get back to our Google hangout and finish hammering out the details of my Pro Version. The boys are selling me pretty hard on a dune buggy safari/wine tasting sesh but I am pushing for a pizza party and overnight lock-in at an ice skating rink.

 

xoxo y'all

[chanson 9697]

Welp. This is my life now.

 

Yes. It gets worse.

[Houston 4819]

Welcome back boys. We all get confused from time to time. Thanks for the lovin' and laughin' with us.

 

 

[piemanpie24 1119]

Glad to finally hear some substantial Jem And The Holograms talk from the boys.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Agata, thank you for the episode description; I never thought I’d be so happy to be Jamie Kennedy Experimented on. This episode is now my favorite Hollywood Handbook episode podcast episode piece of entertainment hour of all time.

 

Sean and Hayes, I am sorry that I generated those Tweets and created those entertainment review websites praising the non-Sean episodes; I just hoped, as you two implied in this week’s episode, it would make Sean jealous which would bring you two back together.

You all are probably not wondering how I did this, so I’ll explain…

 

Getting the Tweets was the easy part. I just had to find a few vacuous, indifferent sheep by creating a handful of mediocre podcasts, such as How Did This Get Made and WTF; this established a fan base of idiots who would unknowingly be key players in my scheme plot plan fun idea. Luckily, I had the foresight, or rather my psychic/astrologist/doctor had the extrasensory perception, to know to do this many years in advance.

 

Coincidentally, just as my podcasts finally gained a few fans, Earwolf started releasing new Hollywood Handbook episodes with only one of the two funniest people of all time. Even though these solo HH episodes were great, and still better than any other podcast’s episodes, nothing compares to Sean and Hayes together; I knew it was time to execute the “Manipulate Sean and Hayes Back Together For the Benefit of All Mankind Conspiracy,” or what my excel spreadsheet likes to call, “A100087.”

 

The first step was to get these idiot fans of other podcasts to start listening to Hollywood Handbook. I had a well-conceived plan for getting this to happen, but lucky for everybody’s first born, I didn’t have to go through with it. Thankfully, Sean and Hayes were so great and funny during their appearance on CBB, that they made it into CBB’s Best Ofs which led a lot of people, including the dumb fans of the podcasts I created, into trying out HH. When the HDTGM, WTF, etc. fans heard their first HH episode, which happened to be one of the non-Sean episodes due to timing, they were in awe of how amazing it was, especially compared to the descent yet unremarkable podcasts with which they were familiar.

 

Anyway, while I’ve been posting on the HH forum, I’ve also been posting on the other podcasts’ forums and ingratiating myself with their fan community so that those pinheads would take my advice when I told them to Tweet their feelings about HH, the podcast that they only very recently discovered. This led to all the nice tweets about how great the non-Sean episodes were; you see, it was not because these episodes were necessarily better than other HH episodes, it was just because these Tweeters didn’t know anything other than the mediocre non-HH podcasts, and had never heard Sean and Hayes together. They weren’t wrong (for once in their lives probably lol) – those were great episodes, but unbeknownst to them, every HH episode is great.

 

 

Oh and the even easier part was creating AV Club, etc., but I wanted to keep this a short post, so I won’t go into that.

 

Thankfully, now that Sean and Hayes are back together, I can finally cancel those other podcasts.

 

 

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

I haven't listened to a podcast in months. I put two bottle rockets in my ears. Has anything noteworthy happened on this show?

[putsome gravyonit 835]

i just gotta say, Engineer Brett has come a long, long way from the Equalizer debacle

 

of all the engineers the show is stuck with, he's definitely the least worst

[Tron_doe 703]

Stopping by to speak on the happiness that the plot twist brought me. It's good to have the boys back in the "lab" as I like to call it

[chicknsandwich 2495]

Sean talking about improvising and making mistakes that you seamlessly weave into the narrative of your story reminded my of a boat.

 

Oh wait lol i didn't mean to say "a boat".

 

"a boat" what am I a frigging Canadian?

 

Imagine a Canadian on a boat and he's all like "what's this all, a boat?" and then no one can tell if he's saying "about" or "a boat". Imagine that on a funny tee.

 

 

chickn's back, baby

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

Sean talking about improvising and making mistakes that you seamlessly weave into the narrative of your story reminded my of a boat.

 

Oh wait lol i didn't mean to say "a boat".

 

"a boat" what am I a frigging Canadian?

 

Imagine a Canadian on a boat and he's all like "what's this all, a boat?" and then no one can tell if he's saying "about" or "a boat". Imagine that on a funny tee.

 

 

chickn's back, baby B)/>

 

Really gunning for that Chanson like, huh?

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

Sean talking about improvising and making mistakes that you seamlessly weave into the narrative of your story reminded my of a boat.

 

 

I must've missed that. Did he bring up the Sufi weaver again?

[apocowarg 2696]

More like Sufi weavalready heard this story, amirite?

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

I used to really like the Tom Scharpling episodes, but now that I know they made Sean sad, I HATE THEM!

 

OOOHHH FUCK I HATE THEM SO MUCH!!

 

NNNNNGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Edit: *pant* *pant*

[Lord Shitqueef 1609]

 

I must've missed that. Did he bring up the Sufi weaver again?

 

He was so close, but he didn't actually say it. I would have had bingo if he did.

 

Also, somebody should actually make HH bingo cards with the recurring jokes.

[Jakal 4475]

youtube.com/thin-lizy-boys-bakc-in-town

[elizamuffins 4228]

youtube.com/thin-lizy-boys-bakc-in-town

 

 

DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

[chanson 9697]

Sean talking about improvising and making mistakes that you seamlessly weave into the narrative of your story reminded my of a boat.

 

Oh wait lol i didn't mean to say "a boat".

 

"a boat" what am I a frigging Canadian?

 

Imagine a Canadian on a boat and he's all like "what's this all, a boat?" and then no one can tell if he's saying "about" or "a boat". Imagine that on a funny tee.

 

 

chickn's back, baby

 

Hmmmmm Canadian on a boat... reminds me of someone.

[putsome gravyonit 835]

Sean talking about improvising and making mistakes that you seamlessly weave into the narrative of your story reminded my of a boat.

 

Oh wait lol i didn't mean to say "a boat".

 

"a boat" what am I a frigging Canadian?

 

Imagine a Canadian on a boat and he's all like "what's this all, a boat?" and then no one can tell if he's saying "about" or "a boat". Imagine that on a funny tee.

 

 

chickn's back, baby

 

 

oh wow you really hit me upside the head with the W - T - F when you started in with the whole "Canadian" stuff

 

how do you come up with this??

 

it's really sharp stuff

[Joe Lerini 7329]

The child-like glee with which Brett exclaimed "I heard 'poo poo'!" brought me the biggest laugh I've had in a good long time.