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Joe McGurl

Survivor MEGATHREAD

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WE'RE BACK BABY AND LOOK HOW HAPPY PROBST IS TO HAVE YOU ALL HERE AGAIN!

 

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Anyway, I started a new thread because the last one needs to remain a perfect time capsule dedicated to me correctly picking Jeremy as the winner on day 1. Can I recapture the title of sole Hollywood Handbook Survivor?? Will Kaoh-Rong Jo Long be our challenge beast again?? Will YOU hoist the Doritos JACKED 3D: Bold Prediction of the Week trophy above your head week after week?!?!? Only time will tell but the excitement cannot be held back! I've got notes and stuff but I thought it'd be fun to do picks again for this season.

 

WITH A NEW TWIST! POINTS!

 

So, I thought it would be fun to do a sort of "fantasy survivor league" type thing this year. All of the points are totally arbitrary and random that I just decided but whatever, it's all for fun anyway. As episode 1 has already aired, scores will begin to be kept during episode 2.

 

 

Challenge Beast: Someone who will prove his or her challenge prowess.

The Strategist: Players who will show the greatest strategic aptitude.

The Black Widow: Aka the Parvati Award; this is a female player who might be underrated or not so front-of-mind and can therefore strategically sneak her way to the top.

The Old Schooler: A player who will play more of the "old school survivor" mindset, i.e. focus less on the strategy aspect of the game and more in it for the experience. (Think someone like Keith)

Under The Radar: Someone entering Survivor aiming to play an undetectable game.

Wildcard: A player who is completely unpredictable

Bench Players: 2 bonus players you like or want to pick for extra points.

 

Final 3 Prediction: The 3 players who will make it to the final.

Winner Pick: The player who will win this season.

 

Here is the link to the google doc points spreadsheet

 

 

Here is the link to the google doc scoring sheet

 

Leaderboard point totals
Joey Amazing - 521
Chaos Staz - 487
Greg Probst - 391
Kaoh Rong Jo Long - 318

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Okay! Great premiere episode I thought. I really think this season is off to a strong start. Very promising cast with a lot of strong personalities and characters across the board. Should be a ton of fun to watch! Prediction and note time!

 

Challenge Beast: My gut says to pick Scot but I don't know if he'll make it long in the post-merge game so I'm going with someone who I think will do well in single immunity. Jason

The Strategist: Liz. I mean she's a quantitative strategist....it's right there in the job title.

The Black Widow: I'm feeling Anna for this one. With her background as a poker player I think she has the potential to play a very low key strategic game that people will underestimate because she's on the beauty tribe.

The Old Schooler: The obvious choice is to pick Joe so that is exactly what I'm doing. I pick Joe.

Under The Radar: I'm going with Michelle because she didn't make much of an impression on me but could be good? Idk

Wildcard: The obvious choice is to pick Debbie but that's NOT what I'm doing. I'm going with Aubrey. I think she's in an interesting position and the most willing to work with Joe and Debbie and flip on the "young/hot people" brains alliance.

Bench Players: Scot and Tai

 

Final 3 Prediction: Anna, Liz and Neal

Winner Pick: Anna

 

Notes!

 

Nick sitting on the boat like that immediately makes me want to see him fall off and get eaten by a kraken

 

*gross male perspective comment* Anna is a poker player, eh? I'd like to see her pair, if ya knowwhatimsayinbabybaby

 

Cydney shoving Neal out of the way was kind of awesome but maybe scary. She could beat me up so bad

 

Alecia is going to be the sneaky sneaky player this year because how is she on the brawn tribe right? She'll be the new Wentworth tip my sweet wentworth I miss you so much I love you

 

Jason is a real sweetie underneath all those tats

 

Okay nevermind, Jason and Scot are going to be villains but I'm way into it

 

"And sometimes on the weekends, I pick up a shift at the Red Lobster as a waitress." Amazing.

 

Oh Debbie. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Debbie Debbie Debbie. You are a delightful mess.

 

Neal is fun. He called himself a "dandy in ice cream pants" which is just wonderful.

 

Cheers to Caleb for saying the phrase, "Well, I'm straight up murderizing this tree right now."

 

Holy shit Tai is the greatest ever. I want a pocket sized Tai to carry around all the time and tell me about the things he loves. #AllAboardtheTaiTrangTrain

 

Cheers to Caleb for being low key racist saying, "Mr. Miyagi glasses." Mr. Miyagi doesn't even wear glasses DUH HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SEEN THE KARATE KID BRO?!

 

Aqua dump

 

Brown Trout

 

I like Darnell. Darnell is fun.

 

Obama calling the older people "grandma and grandpa" is NOT super douchey or arrogant at all

 

Oh my god they keep changing Debbie's occupation in her confessionals.

 

Debbie is Coach 2.0 with shades of Phillip and I love it baby

 

Scot Pollard is out here to PLAY y'all! Love it!

 

I never watched Big Brother but a lot of people apparently hate Caleb and think he's a dick but aside from him saying the word "murderizing" and him being a bit of a dick about Tai being on the beauty tribe, I thought he came across quite affable and charming. I dunno, I like the guy. I bet him and Tai are gonna become best buddies and start a gardening business together.

 

Very bizarre that Tai would think he has to rip trees out of the ground to find an idol lol

 

On that note, Tai thinks that using an ax on a tree is murdering it but straight up ripping lil baby boo trees root and all is cool? I don't know maybe I don't understand gardening at all?

 

"sorry, trees."

- okay Tai, all is forgiven you cute lil gaysian ray of sunshine

 

Shout out to Tai for getting caught looking for an idol and then just being like, "oh yeah I was looking for the idol, let me just look for another 5 minutes, go away plz thank you!" That's what I'd do. "Hell yeah I'm looking for an idol, why aren't you, you idiots"

 

Oh okay this bug shit is terrifying and gross

 

Oh okay they're showing the bug literally crawling out of the bloody ear this is so gross but I can't look away

 

Oh okay now I'm imagining what it would be like if I had to feel a bug crawling around in my ear canal and hear it scratching around this is fine

 

that immunity idol is dope as heck

 

They've showed Jason crack his knuckles twice now. I hope this becomes a new thing

 

"That was an absolute DISASTER by Darnell for the brawn tribe!"

- Probst yelling during challenges is my fave thing ever

 

Holy shit Probst is fired up heck yeah now I'm getting fired up!

 

Okay I take what I said earlier about Alecia being smart

 

Damn, that was an awesome challenge. I LOVE THESE CHALLENGES BABY I MISSED SURVIVOR

 

Okay I take back literally anything positive I said about Alecia not being an absolute disaster.

 

"I am a mental giant."

 

Darnell makin me feel the feels man, this is sad.

 

Alecia - "I am a mental giant that does not know how to take the cap off of a pen." Bless this girl.

 

Jason has cracked his knuckles for the third time. This is the new Keith spitting

 

Scot having to duck under the archway to vote is a very funny image and if you missed it I suggest you go back and watch it

 

OH SHIT A TIE ALREADY SHIT

 

WHAT?! WHY

 

Man, I liked Darnell. Done in by the dookie, no doubt.

 

Here's hoping Alecia becomes J'Tia 2.0 and just sticks around and ruins this tribe and becomes insane.

 

 

Good first ep! It gets a PROB on Greggy's patented PROBST Episode Rating Scale. Man I missed this show

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Count me in Joe. Here's my BBB Squad !

 

Challenge Beast: Caleb I wanted to pick Scot, but I think Caleb will have an edge in the individual challenges.

The Strategist: Debbie Call me crazy, but I can see Debbie making it far in the game on strategy.

The Black Widow: Jennifer Like Jeremy, she's easily the most likeable in a very alpha tribe full of "meat-shields"

The Old Schooler: Joseph. He is totally in it for the experience. He should pair up with Debbie and let her take care of the strategy. He's so laid back already. He's great.

Under The Radar: Neal ?

Wildcard: Julia. I like her. She's a superfan who has been watching survivor since she was 5, she would be the youngest to ever win which is an interesting story, and she seems like she would be good socially. Probst said she is very smart and he wouldn't lie and trick me, right ? She's in a good tribe that I think will form a tight alliance if they can not lose challenges. BUT, her character type doesn't usually do well on Survivor and she has the look of an early boot. Sounds like a Wildcard to me !

Bench players - Nick and Cydney are also in the squad I guess someone invited them

 

Final 3 Prediction: Jennifer, Jason and Neal

 

Winner Pick: Jennifer Lanzetti

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farewell Darnell,

we did not know you well

Our minds were boggled

when you lost the goggles

but it was the large brown trout

that made us vote you out

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We back and we back and we back and we back

 

NOTES

 

Jason's way of showing that he's going to be a contender on the reality TV show Survivor is to say he will literally break into your house and kidnap you.

 

Ah Nick, I already hate you imho, my friend.

 

Joe the FBI agent, AKA Dean Sr., from The Grinder, on steroids.

 

Alecia: "People think I'm not strong, but actually I've done a bungie jump and went to a zoo or some shit."

 

"Pair up, the three of them." Love when Survivor puts the trolling subtitles up for this stuff.

 

A gardener who does not like to cut bits off plants. I like you Tai but I would not hire you.

 

Darnell's funny.

 

Nick is proof that if you live your life pretending you're hot eventually people will start to actually think you're hot.

 

Lol that stuff with the saw was hilarious. Debbie is totally delusional.

 

"I think we're all easy-going." "Hey shut the fuck up sound travels well over water."

 

"I thought I saw him put something in his pocket." This is like the kid at school that says they saw Santa.

 

Wow okay I'm covering my ears for the rest of my life, please talk louder now.

 

Just getting started on a jigsaw puzzle, perfect time to flex and yell, "We're brawn for a reason!!"

 

Fire represents life???? WHAT???!! JEFF!!! Jeff. Incredible line.

 

Hate hate hate Jason saying "Blondie".

 

Ugh Jason's one of those people that cracks their knuckles to look cool. Gas bubbles are bursting in your knuckles. Your knuckles are farting. You're 100% an idiot, Jason.

 

Tie at first tribal. Cool.

 

Damn, I liked Darnell.

 

Good first ep.

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sorry i dont have enough time to do gifs this season and also forgot to write notes down

 

challenge beast: i was leaning toward caleb but i will choose Scot to be different from MM

strategist: Anna she seems pretty sneaky

black widow: i'll say Elisabeth, although my first thought was jennifer as well, me and MM are twins

old schooler: Tai, although i guess he did go looking for an idol already but still i think his whole mindset is more about the experience

under the radar: Cydney, she seems like she could be a great back-burner player letting other people do the dirty work

wildcard: Alecia will either get voted out next week or scheme her way to the merge

bench: Peter and idk Michele i guess?

ok time to pull some names out of a hat here:

final 3: Cydney Jennifer Caleb

winner: Cydney

PROB out of PROBST ep

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I'm new to survivor and I have no idea what I'm doing but here's my picks:

 

Challenge Beast: Peter

The Strategist: Neal

The Black Widow: Julia

The Old Schooler: Tai

Under the Radar: Michele

Wildcard: Debbie

Bench Players: Cydney, Caleb

 

Final 3: Neal, Tai, Julia

Winner: Neal

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Winner Pick: Jennifer Lanzetti

 

Woohoo, I guessed correctly the winner of the next tribal council boot ! That's what Winner Pick means right ? Joe ? That's right isn't it ?

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Good ep. Fun. Gets a PROB on Greggy's patented PROBST scale. Point totals are added to the original thread post and will be updated each ep! ONTO THE NOTES

 

 

Embryo.

 

Tai is so cute

 

The red ants teamed up to get Tai after he nastily ripped up those poor trees last week. Sorry Tai but karma's a bitch and that's what you get for being an unlikable villain

 

Tai found the idol!

 

Nope a clue to the idol

 

Nope it's in a box he dug up

 

Nope there's a key

 

Nope it's in a tree?

 

"The idol is buried at the foot of this tree lol nope sorry its in a box that you need to unlock with a key that's really high up in that tree over there haha tricked you! You should see the look on your face, idiot!"

 

Chop the fucking tree down, Tai. No. Mercy.

 

Oh Debbie. Oh Debbie no.

 

"Pathogens my butt!"

 

Ah, I'm kind of warming up to Peter now.

 

#Meow

 

Oh Debbie no don't cheer lead

 

Debbie is amazing you guys

 

Caleb and Tai are 2QT

 

I've heard of the Odd Couple on CBS but THIS odd couple on CBS?! Now I've seen everything!!

 

Tai and Caleb for the next season of Amazing Race

 

#StolenKiss

 

Alecia makes fire! Well, it took her 5 hours but good for her

 

Probst is so cute

 

Oh Debbie don't cheer lead.

 

Who gave Debbie palm fronds this is amazing.

 

Beauty tribe is my fave. GO YOU BEAUTS!

 

I like Cydney a lot

 

Yes Jason, Alecia IS stupid because she's looking for an idol when she knows that she's being voted out. Women are so dumb, right!!

 

Ooooooh Jenny noooooooooo

 

Jenny is crashing and burning right now

 

The worms must have gotten into Jenny's brain

 

I'm glad that they showed Alecia taking the cap off this time. She's learning! That's nice!!

 

THE MENTAL GIANT LIVES ANOTHER DAY

 

Wtf is going on with your tongue Alecia it's weird and I hate that you're doing it but I can't look away and sort of love it

 

So far in both episodes I have been certain that Alecia was going home before tribal council started. It turns out that the only person being #Blindsided is me.

 

I also don't think I've ever seen a tribal where someone is 100% safe going in and then totally fucking implodes and sends themselves home. This season is off to such a great start.

 

After last seasons constant strategy and gamebot talk at camp, I'm happy to get the focus of camp life this season to be less strategy and more just the survivors hanging out and having fun. Classic survivor stuff there

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jesus, tai will go to any length to get that idol wont he

man theyre putting tai through his paces, but he should have known what he was signing up for since the subtitle is "survivor: scavenger hunt" this season

debbie is a fukken loon, cant wait til she gets medivacced out with terminal shits

wow caleb surprisingly cool with tai flirting with him a little. thats nice to see on survivor

holy shit i want caleb and tai on every season together

rip brawn tribe, this season's loser squad

huh, i wonder if alecia will do a happy dance, i mean she didnt promise she would, she just said she might if she makes it...this suspense is killing me

sorry jenny you got to be cagier at tribal

lol why even lie and throw alecia under the bus

jenny is a weird person

love that reversal of fortune, jenny wasnt even in anyones mind before she said the dumb thing

 

giving this one a light PROBS based on how fun the caleb/tai stuff was and the great tribal

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If the beauty tribe lose the next challenge I bet there'll be a tie (tai) at tribal. Just a joke, don't get mad

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Gonna give this ep a solid PROBS on the patented PROBST scale. Lots of fun camp stuff and a great challenge. Plus a #BLINDSIDE!

 

The mental giant is going to try and target the actual giant? That won't end well

Come on Tai baby! You can do it!

YESSSSS!

Hmm, so the super idol is like the Tyler Perry Idol from the first BvBvB but not quite. I dig it

Debbie Wanner Job Listings this week: CIVIL AIR PATROL CAPT., CHEMIST and a self proclaimed person who knows when to stop talking which is a beautiful amount of self-unawareness

Liz, why the fuck are you working with Peter, you're supposed to be smart. Stop this nonsense.

Caleb consoling Tai during the chicken killing may be my favorite moment of the episode.

Fuck you Nick

Anna is very pretty. So is her chest. Sorry.

IT'S IDOL FEVER TONIGHT BABY

I like that Jason says he's the "best bounty hunter in all of South-Eastern Michigan." Weird thing to brag about.

Ball challenge! Shoutout to the ball champ Keith. Miss you my sweet sweet Keith. #NaleMale4E

Beauty Tribe rules, I love them.

Brawn comes in 2nd! The mental giant lives to see another day!

Neal with the bow tie! Bob Crowley 2.0?

Peter Obama is annoying. Fuck you.

Oh baby, we got a #Blindside coming for Peter

Who would have thought that Debbie would turn out to be the wiliest and savviest player on the brains tribe? Way to go Debbie

Peter is so cocky. Although I would be too if I were elected to two terms

This dude just sealed his fucking fate. Ooooh man what a dummy.

I like Neal a lot

3 WAY TIE I LOVE IT!

Joe can barely contain himself!

Lol at the closeup shot of the ice cream pants

NOOO LIZ GODDAMN YOU LIZ I WARNED YOU

Silly that Liz and Peter thought they were in control with a 2 person alliance. Silly little billies

 

Medevac next week and Tai is crying! I hope it's not Caleb!!!

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Tai that idol around your neck. Just a joke to get me started. Relax.

 

Tai's so good.

 

Debbie's a risk to everyone's safety I feel.

 

Neal not 100% sure what Debbie means when she suggests a "foursome".

 

"It's sad."

(Nick is nodding, thoughtfully) "Mmmmmm"

"I don't like it when people cry."

"Oh what with Tai??? Yeah yeah for sure for sure"

 

Brawn tribe are so annoying. Jason and Scott are gonna high-five their way to two broken arms and a medevac. Cydney's the only person there with half a chance. I like her.

 

Peter's way too confident.

 

Damn so is Liz.

 

Yes please vote Peter out, he's a piece of shit.

 

Can't wait to see Peter's face.

 

Peter and Liz played so, so badly.

 

Damn my notes are shit sorry folks.

 

Fingers crossed Jason's on that helicopter with his dick stuck in that stupid, mass-produced bear for tourists that is so dear to him.

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alecia makes a great point, how could anyone in the tribe break her trust and write her name down, everyone knew jennifer was going to have a bizarre meltdown at tribal

tai talking to himself is very cute

whoa i love this superidol twist, and tai is just the man to make it

oh yeah nick great point the best way to win survivor is by convincing everyone youre an emotionless survivor terminator

jesus anna's chest is nuts sorry to say it but man its the 10 pound pair of melons in the room

hahaha yes cydney is fantastic, stealing that idol clue out from under alecia's nose

"i am possibly one of the best bounty hunters in southeast michigan" is one of the saddest brags ive ever heard

so good of jason to yell directions at cydney since she couldnt tell where the balls were supposed to go

beauty you have a choice, its very clear: comfort versus a bunch of bric a brac bullshit from home

ugh dont wear a ratty bowtie on survivor neal

 

all in all i'd say a PRO ep, a little on the boring side to me

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'waa waa waa waa' - peter

comp is starting 3 minutes in? seems very early to me

every once in a while jeff's creole background comes through, like the way he said "let's get it on" this week. its easy to forget that he grew up on a alligator ranch

brains with one of the most well-earned wins i've seen yet, they just clowned the other tribes

'when i go to hawk mountain ranger training, i know im heat stroke' sean and hayes should take notes from debbie

they should do the musical buildup they do leading up to a win for bad shots sometimes to keep you on edge

lets just have everyone take a liedown and get the crew pouring water on them all

real proud of how jason took care of cydney there, maybe he isnt such a shit after all

rip caleb :c hope to see him back some day

lol if cydney went too my entire final 3 call would have been fucked

countdown til nick is in the confessional calling caleb leaving a blessing in disguise

what a world, caleb goes home and deb stays

lol deb breaks down into tears telling us how great her daughters think she is, very on brand

alecia is so incredibly bad at survivor, its astonishing

haha they dont even bother showing the camplife, rip alecia

two people off my roster in one week, what a pain in the ass

wonder if its a full merge or split into two tribes

 

kind of leaning towards PRO again this week or a weak PROB, everyone stroking out was interesting but it was all competition zero camplife

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Points updated! Boy at this point, it looks like Staz is running away with it and this game is just gonna be a fight for second place but it's still early and anything can happen! This episode felt like 2 completely separate 30 minute eps. That medical situation was so intense and emotional and then a completely straight forward boot at tribal. Weird but really thrilling television. I give it a solid PROB.

 

New job to add to Debbie's list: Mastermind.

The orange hat is back this week! My favorite Probst hat!

"...like a turtle birthing an egg" what the fuck Probst?

This week in Probst ball innuendo - "Let's go! EMPTY THOSE BALLS"

Hang tough Deb!!!

Doctor Joe! I love Doctor Joe!

Hey isn't Peter a doctor...shouldn't he like...maybe step in to help here?

Yeah Caleb! Yeah Beauty!

OH NO CALEB NO

FUCK

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"It will be okay. It will be okay." Thanks robot Nick

Caleb and Tai better fuckin kiss at the reunion or we riot

CALEB FOR SECOND CHANCE SEASON 2

"He hopes to play again" yeah they're definitely bringing Caleb back

Seriously though props to Doctor Joe for taking on 3 simultaneous very serious emergencies. That was brutal. Doctor Joe is the man.

Brains Joe is the man too, he made sure to get help for Debbie and held shit down.

Good ep for people named Joe imo.

Guys, I love Debbie

Props to Jason for taking care of Cydney too

Man, the Brawn tribe is such a fucking mess

Alecia should just drop it because she isn't doing herself any favors here and just exasperating the situation

Scot, I played as many minutes as you in the NBA finals bro. You were essentially a cheerleader

Jason and Scot are being DICKS

So Jason is bullying Alecia as an inspirational lesson to young girls across America? Aha, got it

PROBST WHY DID YOU CHANGE FROM ORANGE HAT TO BLACK HAT?!

Black hat because you're mourning the loss of Caleb, I bet. Okay, that alright you get a pass

The ghost of Darnell surges through the ocean and destroys all of the goggles

Debbie quietly talking about frontal lobes is my favorite

Oh my god Alecia.

"Does anyone want to swap out?" Alecia to Jason and Scot who are like, nah youre fucked

Sassy Probst is the greatest

At least Alecia is going out with dignity good for her.

RIP Mental Giant

Sucks that Alecia got shoehorned onto the Brawns tribe. I think she would have done much better if she were on Beauty

 

So merge next week or just a tribe swap? Gotta be a swap right?

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Scott "Played 8 minutes per game on an NBA Championship team" Pollard should have some idea how Alecia feels seeing as he contributed nothing to that Celtics championship.

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NOTES

 

This challenge is so tough.

 

Scott should try maybe pulling up and getting off a jumper from downtown with some of these balls

 

Damn Caleb, damn

 

I'm not even sure Paul Bettany is a trained medic

 

Jeff: "Don't worry Cydney, we've got a whole medical team. Oh ah actually sorry I'm just getting word that we only have the guy from the movie Wimbledon to baptise you before you pass away."

 

Nick is flexible af

TljQ3hn.png

 

 

 

Ok so one second Caleb has heat stroke and the next he's sweating ice cubes??? This show is so fake

lmojEDi.png

 

 

 

Jason being good to Cydney. Still managed to call her "sweetie" though

 

Good job to the doc.

 

High pressure situation and Jeff is still gathered enough to call a helicopter a "bird". That's why he's the best.

 

Nick: "Which one's Caleb?"

 

I love Cydney.

 

Gross Peter said "boo yah".

 

I feel for Alecia struggling to deal with these two aggressive pricks who have no respect for her as a person at all. She's so bad at the game though which is unfortunate.

 

BYE ALECIA

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Now, I haven't watched much Survivor in the past, I'm an Amazing Race loyalist. But I watched up to the current episode this season last week. Then I watched all of season 27 this weekend. What season should I watch next?

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Now, I haven't watched much Survivor in the past, I'm an Amazing Race loyalist. But I watched up to the current episode this season last week. Then I watched all of season 27 this weekend. What season should I watch next?

 

Seasons 15-20 is like an insane run of classic seasons. 20 being Heroes vs Villains and probably the all time best season but you really can't go wrong with any of them int here

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yeah 20 is incredible, or watch the cochran seasons for RSS nostalgia

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