Episode 130 - Teen Witch

[EllenM 943]

 

Wait a second--did it have some kind of sensor to make sure you rocked it for the full 45 minutes? If not, why did your mother bother rocking it? Throw it in a closet and go back to sleep.

 

 

 

I thought this was Canadian Sex Ed...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ydniq7FejE

 

For my part, I don't remember taking sex ed, and my parents certainly didn't talk to me about it. I guess I just have to cross my fingers and hope that I've been doing it right...

There was a sensor in it. It was super sensitive because you were supposed to be careful obviously.

 

Problem was that it was too sensitive and I ended failing the assignment (my teacher just didn't count it and re-adjusted my mark). The necks on those things would fall back at the drop of a hat, to simulate the need for constant head support. My mom took it to a nurses' union meeting where all the nurses took care of it like it was a real, durable baby.'

 

There were 54 head support failures and 13 shaken babies recorded over my 3 days. Only 3 head support failures were mine.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

There was a sensor in it. It was super sensitive because you were supposed to be careful obviously.

 

Problem was that it was too sensitive and I ended failing the assignment (my teacher just didn't count it and re-adjusted my mark). The necks on those things would fall back at the drop of a hat, to simulate the need for constant head support. My mom took it to a nurses' union meeting where all the nurses took care of it like it was a real, durable baby.'

 

There were 54 head support failures and 13 shaken babies recorded over my 3 days. Only 3 head support failures were mine.

Yeah, but how many times did you shake the shit out of that baby?

[Cameron H. 23786]

Also my cousin had to do it during his middle school years and had to actually constantly hold the baby because there was some kind of chip that required this bracelet he had to wear be plugged into the baby for almost 8 hours a day. It was insane. He had to bring the stupid thing along when we went as a family to go see Coraline.

 

This is insane! From what I'm hearing, what these people put you through is harder than what it is to be an actual parent. Was that the point? Also, like my question to Ellen, why couldn't your brother leave the baby at home, keep it plugged in to his bracelet, and go on with his day? I mean, 8 hours? By yourself?!? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Do they assume all parents don't have some kind of help--whether that be a family member, a partner, a friend, or a Daycare? Do they assume parents don't have to work? Yes, you're probably holding that baby a lot, but it's in fits and starts. Babies aren't awake all that much.

 

Look guys, I'm going to be straight with you, as a father, don't listen to all the horror stories. Yes, being a parent can be tough sometimes, but since you presumably love your child, the inconveniences are like nothing. My three and a half year old is more exhausting now than he ever was as a baby. Babies can't do anything. They poop, the pee, and they sleep. Sometimes they cry, but that's because they need something, and you learn pretty quick how to fill, and better yet, anticipate those needs. What these schools seem to be teaching is borderline criminal.

[klemjohansen 748]

To its credit, for all the 80s white guy rapping in this movie, I don't think I heard a single "...and I'm here to say", which is quite the accomplishment. I think we can agree that that line in any rap is THE worst.

 

 

80's white kid rap form:

 

YOUR NAME: ___________________

WHAT ARE YOU HERE TO SAY: __________________

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO: __________________

IN WHAT MANNER DO YOU LIKE DOING THE ABOVE (MUST RHYME WITH SAY): __________________

[taylor anne photo 11311]

 

This is insane! From what I'm hearing, what these people put you through is harder than what it is to be an actual parent. Was that the point? Also, like my question to Ellen, why couldn't your brother leave the baby at home, keep it plugged in to his bracelet, and go on with his day? I mean, 8 hours? By yourself?!? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Do they assume all parents don't have some kind of help--whether that be a family member, a partner, a friend, or a Daycare? Do they assume parents don't have to work? Yes, you're probably holding that baby a lot, but it's in fits and starts. Babies aren't awake all that much.

 

Look guys, I'm going to be straight with you, as a father, don't listen to all the horror stories. Yes, being a parent can be tough sometimes, but since you presumably love your child, the inconveniences are like nothing. My three and a half year old is more exhausting now than he ever was as a baby. Babies can't do anything. They poop, the pee, and they sleep. Sometimes they cry, but that's because they need something, and you learn pretty quick how to fill, and better yet, anticipate those needs. What these schools seem to be teaching is borderline criminal.

I am slightly exaggerating because I don't think it was 8 hours straight but I do remember him telling us he had to bring the thing along because he couldn't even go to the movies without holding it with that stupid bracelet plugged in because then it would start to cry after a certain amount of time and it was all recorded through ~technology~

 

And you're exactly right it was weird that none of these teachers and schools thought about how they're making a 12 year old do everything alone. Literally no one else could hold and make that baby stop crying except my cousin because he was the one wearing the bracelet. Ridiculous.

[EllenM 943]

Yeah, but how many times did you shake the shit out of that baby?

 

Never. The sound the neck made when it fell back was bad enough. I couldn't be mad or frustrated enough to hear that neck snapping sound over and over again.

 

 

This is insane! From what I'm hearing, what these people put you through is harder than what it is to be an actual parent. Was that the point? Also, like my question to Ellen, why couldn't your brother leave the baby at home, keep it plugged in to his bracelet, and go on with his day? I mean, 8 hours? By yourself?!? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Do they assume all parents don't have some kind of help--whether that be a family member, a partner, a friend, or a Daycare? Do they assume parents don't have to work? Yes, you're probably holding that baby a lot, but it's in fits and starts. Babies aren't awake all that much.

 

Our robots didn't have a bracelet. You needed to have the magnetic bottle and diapers with the baby at all times, so it was possible to pass it off to "Grandma" when I had a band concert. It was a crash course of the worst case scenario. Even my case, my parents helped out, I didn't actually give birth to a baby and it was still one of the hardest experiences I had. Just the sheer frustration of not being able to fix the problem when it was colicky.

 

I think it was mostly a perspective thing, showing you the worst at a time where you have no real resources of your own or coping skills to help mitigate the situation. Like, first day I called my mom to pick me up because I had this car seat to carry and she just told me to walk home. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's criminal, I think it's a shock and awe program to really hit home the realities of an unintended pregnancy while still in school.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Never. The sound the neck made when it fell back was bad enough. I couldn't be mad or frustrated enough to hear that neck snapping sound over and over again.

Just what a baby-shaker would say...

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

It's like they never saw Grease 2

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJGQgAniyho

 

I ask again, WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO DO GREASE 2?!

[RyanSz 3140]

I posted a screengrab earlier, but here it is again:

Did Gregory Hines and Will Smith have a love child?

[Allybug 12]

I love watching the "I like boys" scene because... well, for so MANY reasons, but because it's clear that the actress playing Randa can't dance. At all. She is not even present during most of the dance cuts, and in one of the few close ups on her face she looks absolutely flummoxed about how to properly tip her head from side to side. There's also a cut where it looks like she's about to do a somersalt over some girls' legs, but then they just cut to her standing back up again. In the final shot of the sequence all of the other girls are doing choreography and she is just bouncing from side to side. Classic.

 

Watch the scene again and bask in what it's like to like boys:

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

Okay so I tried to embed the tweet but the forums didn't like it. But did you guys see that Robyn Lively said that "Luis Guzman enjoyed" the episode??

 

[toni misfit 5]

I want to know why nobody brought up the fact that 10 to 20 guys in cars were following Louise around wanting her to get in a car and go with them and then rapped "don't put up a fight." What the fuck? Are they going to forcefully put her in the car? Are they going to sexually assault her?

 

Another thing that really bothers me is that Brad is a big ole cheater. When he takes her to the murder house he is still with Randa! She is totally nuts over this guy and he is cheating on his girlfriend. I guess one could argue that it was the popularity spell that made him do it, but then what is going to happen later on down the line when another popular or charming girl comes around? Is he just going to say, "Sorry Louise, she was popular, you know that it's my one true weakness."

[americancrank 20]

I am a little surprised that no one mentioned one of the more iconic characters in this movie--the girl dancing at the prom in the red dress, who had what I believe to be the biggest set of tits in a movie from the 80s. She even had the good grace to not wear a bra.

 

I am shocked that this went without comment.

[JeddJong 50]

Could the plot point of water nullifying witchcraft be a tip of the pointy hat to The Wizard of Oz? "And your little dog too!"

 

Also, all this talk about troublesome robot babies brought this to mind:

 

[FisterRoboto 7499]

 

You're very popular today, Cameron. Did you see the Ask Paul thread? We both got our burning questions answered, but yours has a MUCH more satisfying conclusion!

 

Edit: Even after responding to this, I can't stop laughing at the FB question. It's so great.

[DrOJSimpsonMD 26]

Anyone else think her nerdy but weirdly aggressive date to that dance looked exactly like JJ Abrams? Maybe someone has mentioned this since there are 13 goddamn pages of comments. Don't have time for that shit.

[BootsHernandez 11]

It's like they never saw Grease 2

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJGQgAniyho

 

They should do Grease 2; it's much more rewatchable than Grease. It was on the same infinite cable loop as Teen Witch (with the "Reproduction" number cut, obv.)

 

One sex ed video we watched had a mom at a sleepover make reproductive organs out of pancake batter. Another had the cast of Annie, cheerfully explaining that when puberty hit, they'd be fired.

 

Clearly the high school I went to had one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country.

[JenniferGrünwald 66]

Can we just acknowledge Hats' line: "He's really nice and he's really funny. I HEARD HIM IN CLASS ONCE." I'm just floored by this. She heard him in class ONCE. Amazing. Ok maybe it's just me but that is the most ridiculous thing. (Apologies if this was mentioned.)

 

(Also, Robyn Lively was IN Punky Brewster. I love that. I wonder if that PB comment was on purpose.)

[JenniferGrünwald 66]

I was trying to think of some other movies that I feel use the "female gaze" more correctly and I have to say the MCU actually does this pretty well (not including Age of Ultron for obvious reasons that don't need to be gone into again right now lol). They love to focus on Jeremy Renner's arms when he shoots (a personal favorite of mine), Chris Evans' nice ass at any point (okay another personal favorite of mine), and then Chris Hemsworth's torso any time he is shirtless. Especially in Thor 2 when they legit pan down his abs at one point. It's marvelous that they take all of that into consideration and don't just focus on the bodies of Scarlett, Cobie, etc...

 

Yyyyyaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssss!!!

 

[starri 116]

Can we please discuss in omissions the freaking toast kabobs? He is eating ten pieces of toast freaking skewered on sticks! Love this freaking movie!

I'm pretty sure they were Pop Tarts. Which is even weirder.

 

This is only the third time HDTGM has inspired me to immediately go watch the movie after the episode. And one of those times was Hackers, which I'd already seen, so I don't think it counts. I'm either the same age as Paul and June or close to it, so I totally grokked the movie. And now I'm also compelled to watch Can't Buy Me Love.

[RyanSz 3140]

Question:

 

Don't know if this has been asked but what the hell was their reference point for how the voodoo doll was used? It seemed like they were going with the Child's Play style where you don't need a pin to affect the subject of the doll, you can just use your hands to prod the doll to hurt the subject. Yet from everything I have seen and read about those dolls is that you need some sort of item from the target in order for the doll to work, like a piece of the person's hair or a piece of their clothes, yet Louise doesn't have any of that from her teacher.

 

Also it was purely coincidental that the principal walked in during the striptease of the teacher, so what would Louise have made the teacher do if that guy didn't show up, he was already pulling down his boxers when they were walked in on? At that point he would have been fired and been put in the back of a police cruiser but apparently they just send him home for the day as if he has a stomach flu. As for the car wash scene, most of what I've seen with voodoo dolls is that they just feel cold or hot depending on what's being done to the doll, the person doesn't Weekend At Bernie's them self to the nearest water source like an asshole. And what if there wasn't anything around, would he have just walked endlessly until he found somewhere to get covered in water and soap?

[RyanSz 3140]

Hey did anyone else feel that the nerd Louise went on the date with was an early version of Moshe Kasher?

[hellopplofearth313 4]

Did I miss the part where the popular girls were mean to Louis or did it never happen?

Granted Randa did invite Louis on a date with her cousin, did she konw he was a creep, I am not sure. Other than the creepy cousin situation, what did they do? The only people who made fun of her were the teacher and the "rap guys", and the "rap guys" barely bothered her. Louis tore those three girls friendhsip apart at the pool and stole the Randa's boyfriend! If the movie would have continued who knows what type of evil acts she would have continued to do.

 

Louis was just unnoticed, big deal! Louis stole someone's boyfriend! There was no push back on that.

[jarrycanada 2483]

Hey did anyone else feel that the nerd Louise went on the date with was an early version of Moshe Kasher?

or is he...

 

knew I'd seen that guy before.