Episode 131 - The Covenant

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

And of course Tim Allen is the TV dad of JTT. BOOM. This practically makes Caleb and JTT stepbrothers.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

It's been a decade since I've seen this, so I don't remember if they mention the time of year at all, but they are all turning 18 soon, so I assume they're in the middle of their senior year, correct? Who the fuck thinks it's a good idea to switch schools in the middle of senior year? It's not like the girl just moved there from the other side of the country or something. It can't be cheap to go to that place, so why bother jumping when you're so close to the end? At that point, you're just buying yourself the right to say that you graduated from this super prestigious private school.

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

Except that it is WRONG! I grew up in Plymouth, South Shore (pronounced sho-ah) and Ipswitch is 100% North Shore. It's right outside of Salem. Jason, your Boston area street cred has been REVOKED!

 

Maybe It was a mistake that Jason "Heynong"-Mantzoukas made during his improv rant but I bet Jeffrey Characterwheaties is kicking himself for those mistakes Jason makes when he is inside the Character... The method begins when he puts on his beard...

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQBouAcUwAE4z8h.jpg

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

On the subject of child actors that got hot, I kept seeing an article pop up on different sites that said something like "You won't belieeeeeeeeeve what these former child stars look like now", accompanied by a picture of Natalie Portman or someone that I know I've seen AT LEAST a time or two since they were kids. Anyway, I check out the article (strictly for research, I assure you) and quickly learn that "got hot" means that they stopped wearing glasses, that they got the braces off, that they got a haircut that wasn't indicative of the time when they were popular, or that they simply became adults. Some of them were mildly surprising because there were some real one-hit wonders that I hadn't seen in 20 years, while others (like the blonde side character in Harry Potter) were people that literally grew up right in front of our eyes that have maybe been off of the mainstream radar for a couple of years.

 

Other ridiculous related lists: "What do the guys from your favorite emo bands look like now?" (Spoiler alert: Haircuts) and "What do Game of Thrones stars look like in real life?" (Also haircuts, and they look like they shower)

[HotSaucerman 2051]

Fuuuuuuuuuck this movie. Its not even that long and feels like I've been watching it for years. I don't think I can finish it.

[Mathey 419]

This movie was Brutal.

[taylor anne photo 11311]

Okay on the subject of child actors that got hot I can't believe y'all were talking about Harry Potter and didn't list THE ENTIRE CAST! Seriously like they were the same age as me growing up so I literally always thought they were cute and then BAM literally every person that had speaking lines must have actually been witches and wizards because they are all super hot.

 

I know PlanB mentioned Natalie Portman but let's be real she really did stay good looking. I don't think she once ever had an awkward stage.

 

Also Rider Strong. That guy took all of Ben Savage's looks growing up because he stayed just as good looking forever.

[dtceballos 2]

In asking about Jennifer Love Hewitt, I remember very clearly, Byrds in Paradise with her, Timothy BUsfield and Seth Green. You just KNEW she was going to be a force to be reckon with when they demonstrated Jen-lo-hew's dancing skillz when she tried out for the Cheer Squad.

 

enjoy!

 

[SevenDollarsWorthofHoobastank 226]

I was SO shocked to see The Winter Soldier in this. The first thing I've ever seen Sebastian Stan in was the Captain America movies, and I loved the second movie so much that it's hard for me to see him as anything else other than Bucky.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I know PlanB mentioned Natalie Portman but let's be real she really did stay good looking. I don't think she once ever had an awkward stage.

 

Yeah, that was one of the ridiculous ones, like if you're going to do a list like that, it doesn't need to include people that A) have been on the scene since they were children and never left that B ) look exactly like their younger selves anyway.

[AlexanderKominek 11]

In Canada, the legal drinking age is 18 or 19 depending on what province you're in. In Québec (where a lot of this movie was filmed) it is perfectly legal for 18-year-olds to drink in bars. Maybe the filmmakers forgot that the movie was supposed to be set in the US during the "Peach Pit After Dark" scenes.

[FisterRoboto 7499]

After all the Charmed talk in the minisode thread, I'm disappointed that no one has brought up Alyssa Milano in child actors that got crazy hot:

 

[Shannon 2953]

...and George of the Jungle had me well and proper hypnotized by Brendan Fraser.

 

oh sweet lord... that movie is very important for many reasons. That scene where he's running with the horses at the fancy party? get out of here

 

[Jillybean 104]

Nick Hoult from "About A Boy" was kind of an awkward looking kid. Not anymore!

[firsttimecallerlongtimelistenr 3590]

Tania Raymonde ... from Maclom in the middle to

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzER5I0O1dE

[KidOmega 4]

I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Leo DiCaprio successfully defied the child celebrity laws and grew up looking good.

[Cameron H. 23786]

I'm sad to say, it just doesn't feel like there's a lot to say about this one...it just seems to be bad--and not in a really fun way.

 

I am absolutely perplexed by who this movie is for. Yes, there are hot dudes in it, but aside from (maybe) Caleb, they all seem to be suffering from a chronic case of douchebaggery. Even Kitsch, who I think is supposed to be an ally for Caleb and therefore "a good guy," seems to have no qualms about selling off a piece of his soul to catch a quick glimpse of ass. I'm having a real hard time struggling with the cognitive dissonance within the movie because it seems to be stating, "Tween girls will love it because of the hot guys in it, but will have no problem that these same hot guys will sexually exploit an innocent woman for a stupid bet." I mean, I get the appeal of the "bad boy" archetype, but usually, in movies and television, they're never really that bad. Maybe they smoke, ride a motorcycle, or they're a bit of a smartass, but as far as "bad boys" go, that's usually about it, and always with the understanding that the viewer knows, that deep down inside, they're actually "good guys." These guys have none of that! They're just a bunch of leches! How is that appealing to their core audience?

 

It would be like if in Gilmore Girls, when Jess arrived in Stars Hollow, instead of the more or less benign pranks that he pulls, he just started groping the breasts of all the women he passed on the street and Rory looking at him longingly and thinking, "Yes! That's the guy I want!"

[EllenM 943]

Great episode, guys!

 

A part of the movie that I could not wrap my head around occurred after Sabastian Stan had been defeated. Once Caleb has beaten him, the movie then cuts to the hospital and shows Pogue and his girlfriend waking up from their comas as if to say his spell over them has been broken. Okay, the girlfriend is suffering from magic spider bites. I get that, and that's fine. Maybe now that the Winter Soldier is gone whatever magical poison that's been running through her veins also goes away, but Pogue wasn't bespelled--The Winter Soldier caused his motorcycle to crash! I simply don't get how, by defeating Stan, this somehow allows Pogue to have a miraculous recover from being flung from his motorcycle at top speed and being hurled to the pavement.

 

I just took it as true love connected them to the point beyond the physical. Kitsch wasn't going to be awake or want to live if she wasn't cured. He couldn't stand to see her like that.

 

 

In Canada, the legal drinking age is 18 or 19 depending on what province you're in. In Québec (where a lot of this movie was filmed) it is perfectly legal for 18-year-olds to drink in bars. Maybe the filmmakers forgot that the movie was supposed to be set in the US during the "Peach Pit After Dark" scenes.

Manitoba is another 1 out of 3 that is 18 and the rest are 19. It was super frustrating visiting SK or ON and being told I'm not legal for another year.

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

"This movie is horny." - Jason Mantzoukas, 2016.

 

 

...Must. Resist. Lewd. Response...

[jarrycanada 2483]

Tania Raymonde ... from Maclom in the middle to

 

 

 

I am so sorry she had to die on the island. R.I.P.

[DanEngler 5249]

During Jason's geography rant, I hoped/expected him to say "They're going to Marblehead?! What, to hang out with Ronna and Beverly?!"

[Amy the Gorilla 732]

"What was your favorite Horny teen movie"

I kind of feel like I didn't have the same teen girl experience as most everyone else. Like, I would have crushes on boys at school around my own age occasionally, but in terms of movie/star crushes, pretty much 99% of them were a minimum of 10 years older. (Also I did have mad crushes on a few teachers) For Example, the movie "The patriot" came out when I was around 15 or so and I watched it a shit-ton just because I had the hots for Jason Isaacs (Still do too) and those riding pants/breeches did him lots of favors. Also a lot of "sexualized" stuff that was aimed at my demo didn't do much for me, I was the teen sneaking into the living room after my parents went to bed and watching "Eyes wide shut" and "Summer of Sam" on HBO with the volume turned way down.

It also didn't help that my mom adored teen sex comedies and watched them along with us and laughed like a maniac. haha! After we watched "American Pie" she was like "Damn, lets watch Porkys now!"

[Lando 2019]

 

oh sweet lord... that movie is very important for many reasons. That scene where he's running with the horses at the fancy party? get out of here

 

 

My wife has a big crush on Brendan Fraser, even to the point of insisting on seeing The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in the theater. It's something that I am a bit embarrassed about, especially since he has been in so many terrible movies.

[jhollander 8]

 

Except that it is WRONG! I grew up in Plymouth, South Shore (pronounced sho-ah) and Ipswitch is 100% North Shore. It's right outside of Salem. Jason, your Boston area street cred has been REVOKED!

 

Absolutely!! Jason, I love you completely, but I'm also a fellow Masshole...Ipswich has one of my favorite NORTH SHORE beaches!!! But the Lynn bit...classic!

[Cameron H. 23786]

Was anyone else super grossed out by Caleb and the blonde's super wet kissing in the car? It sounded like a couple of toothless, asthmatic camels fighting to get to the bottom of a jar of marmalade.