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Glen Toran

Robot Overlords (2014)

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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2145829/

 

I feel a little ashamed about recommending this turd as it was filmed locally but it really is shite.

Robots from somewhere unspecified in the the galaxy have taken over earth and implanted what's left of humanity with tracking devices that look like those huge ear deforming hipster earrings, only stuck in their necks.

Seeing as I have the same technology on my phone that I cant even see if I take the back of my phone, this does not seem that impressive. Everyone is under house arrest or curfew or something. Well they arent allowed out on pain of horrible death.

 

Anyway the planet seems to be ruled from an unamed small northern British seaside town for some reason...well why not? (actually the neighbouring towns of Bangor and Donaghadee in County Down and , I think, also Douglas on the Isle of Man).

The robo ruler is a genuinely creepy looking robot midget/child hybrid thing.

The small hands make him ultra creepy.

 

Within the first few minutes we see some fella go doolally and run out into the street (Holborn Ave, Bangor) in his jimjams in the pouring rain to pathetically confront a giant robot cop in a scenery chewing meltdown and get incinerated by a death ray for his trouble.

When his watching and understandably traumitised 8 year old son runs out to the smouldering remains of his father...oh, did I mention this was a kids film?...the child too is about to be incinerzapped when he is saved by passing human collaborator and robophile Ben Kingsley who leaves the child with neighbour the always lovely Gillian Anderson and her wisecracking brood of stage school brattery.

Its down hill from there.

Traumachild manages to disable the GPS implant technology of the interstellar travelling alien robots within minutes by hitting it with sticks or something.

The kids sneak out.

They dodge killer robot cops.

They meet up with an underground Resistance organisation which was more convincingly portrayed in the South Park Movie.

They run around a bit.

They take to the hills.

They run around a bit more.

Ghandi tries to hit on Agent Scully (which is even creepier than the Tyrion Lannisterbot),

The kids find their dad, Scully's presumed dead fighter pilot husband hiding out in the hills with 'La Resistance'.

Lots of people are randomly tortured by Ghandi on whats obviously a fetish bondage rack with wires and LEDs taped to it - kids movie, remember?

'La Resistance' somehow find the last working Spitfire (the only thing worth seeing in this whole farrago, a genuinely beautiful plane, possibly the most beautiful machine ever made).

Presumed lost dad and his eldest son shoot down a giant robot spaceship hovering over Bangor with this WW2 fighter plane -suck on that Independence Day!

 

For some reason - because Id lost interest long before by then and was just fast forwarding to see what local places I recognised - the robots say 'fuck it, this aint worth the hassle' & piss off whence they came.

Cue a Bag End Hobbit type revel in La Resistance's hideaway at the end.

 

Pish. Utter pish.

 

This opened on 300 screens in the UK on the opening weekend and took in a grand total of just over £4000. Thats roughly 14 quid a screen.

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