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Episode 140 - Mannequin Two: On the Move (w/ Steve Agee)

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Steve Agee (New Girl, The Sarah Silverman Program) joins Paul, June, and Jason in-studio to get to the bottom of important questions that popped up while watching 1991's Mannequin Two: On the Move. What's the deal with department stores? Do mannequins have genitalia? And finally, where does the butt start? Plus, we hear the inception of a new Mannequin sequel that is done right.

 

 

WATCH Filthy Preppy Teen$ on the FullScreen App today! Get yourself a BB-8 “What Is Its Mission?” T-shirt or Tote Bag over at http://howdidthisgetmade.bigcartel.com/ Set your DVRs for Party Over Here, a new FOX sketch comedy show from The Lonely Island and Paul starring Nicole Byer, Jessica McKenna, and Alison Rich. It airs Saturdays at 11 pm. People of the internet: Watch Paul in Fresh off the Boat on ABC. Awhile ago, Paul and Rob Huebel did a comedy special on a 60 foot glass bus that traveled around LA. Now you’ll be able to see it. Go to https://itun.es/us/3M4J9 now to buy it! You can also see Jason and June in Lady Dynamite on Netflix! Also, check out June in Grace and Frankie available on Netflix, and in all the episodes of NTSF:SD:SUV:: on HULU for free, and Jason in The Dictator (he’s still in it!).

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I actually enjoyed some of the 1990's comedy moments in this movie.

 

But one concern I had was the "morning after the amazing first night" cooking scene.....it just upset me on so many levels. I don't know if it was for comedic effect or what, but it just made me nauseous and angry.

Him putting the sausages in the toaster, putting the O.J. in the microwave, vacuuming the seeds off of the cantaloupe, and the death knell for me was crunching the eggs in the sifter.

So goddamn gross.

Then he DROPS IT ALL AFTER SEEING SHE TURNED INTO A MANNEQUIN!

I also got frustrated at him for not realizing at that moment that maybe it was the necklace that did it.....I think I got a bit too invested into the movie.

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Haven't heard the ep yet, but here are my notes from watching the film. I apologize for the length...

Mannequin 2 NOTES

--------------------

-Wow. It just starts right away, now doesn't it.

-I love Kristy Swanson. Period.

-Oh. That evil wizard sure is.... Fethish-y.

-What an asshole! The Prince just snatches the neckless and claims it as his own gift, and has the audacity to declare it a "symbol of THEIR eternal love"? That's about as gross as whatever the hell is growing on that evil wizard's upper lip.

-Now THAT'S an evil laugh, ladies and gentlemen!

-Wait a sec, if a Mannequin that old and that pristine and so important later in the film was actually a national treasure, you wouldn't have only a velvet rope guarding it so any old creepy looking, touchy-feely great, great, great, great, great, grrreat, great, GREAT grandson could come in and rub his body all over it, right?

 

Unless he owns the museum, than the whole thing becomes even more creepy. Has his descendants just been grinding their nether regions against this mannequin for a thousand years? Passing it down from one disgustingly haired generation to the next?

-the title credits song felt like an old 80's tv show theme, and a serendipitous call back to the previous minisode discussion.

 

"Mannequin 2! Filmed in front of a live studio audience,"

I earnestly liked it a lot.

-Not only is he a shitty driver, who parks he car in front of a hydrant like a little shit, but he has the nerve to hide it and endanger everyone on the block?! This is our protagonist?! What a piece of SHIT!

Wait...Did that old lady just get all up in his bizzznis?!

What a BITCH!

-Sooo, Mr. James and his 2 lackies all bang each other "Secretary" style after hours, right?... Right?

-I have nothing funny to say about Meshach Taylor's intro, he actually kinda kills it. I really liked the zoom in on his number. The scissor glasses had me nervous tho.

Oh, and he's also totally sleeping with Mr. James too.

This movie is getting me all catty!

-I admire Gail for throwing herself out there so confidently and asking Jason out, she seemed so vulnerable and human in that moment, but then... was... Was Jason about to suggest they just go ahead and bang before he was interrupted by Hollywood?

"I'm looking for true love, or, you know, we could just fuck right here, malady."

-If we are to assume the first time Jessie has woken up from this spell since it happened, then would she really be so calm when the 1st thing she experienced was being completely underwater? True love in front my face or not, I'm freaking out!

-the way Jessie was digging his dabbing of her neck area after he fished her out of the water, you'd think her g spot was on her collarbone!

Either that or he's sporting wood against a wooden mannequin, and then he lifts the necklace and she's all "Hellooooooo".

This theory has holes though, with the cold water and wet clothes you'd think there be some shrinkage...

Damn it, guys! Where is her g spot?! Is it also like the title, "on the move"?

-These three foreign guys have to strip and b-boy dance in the street for a ride, hoping some horny women might be driving by? I'm so glad I live in the time of lyft and uber.

- I SUPER appreciate when horny ladies are represented on screen as normally as horny dudes. You get it garbage truck girls!

Actually, come to think, this movie is filled with sexually confident women.

Right on.

But, when they reach the store the bodybuilding henchmen get out of the garbage end of the truck... so those women never talked to or got the numbers of any of those guys. Step up your game, gals! How many opportunities like that just fall into your lap?!

-If a guy crushing on you offers to pay for your car insurance and when you question the romantic intentions behind it, he says...

 

"Say that after a major injury or accident."

 

That person is going to kill you.

 

-tho I commend Jason's honesty... If Kristy Swanson magically appears in a night gown, calls you a Prince and says she "loves you more than anyone's going to in your whole life" and wants to runaway with you and get married, you RUNAWAY WITH KRISTY SWANSON AND GET MARRIED!!!

If you're crazy and it's all in your head, GOOD!

Your life sucks and you know it.

-It took me awhile but I figured it out, Jason is a bobo romantic comedy Mathew Perry (Fools Fush In, Three To Tango, the one with Elisabeth Hurley, you get the picture) just without the rapid fire quips and perfect comedic timing.

 

-MOLEY

MOLEY

MOLEY

MOLEY

MOLE HAIR!! GOD! WHY A SINGLE FUCKING MOOOOOLE HAIR?!

 

Fuck you, Mannequin 2.

Not cool.

 

-Those "crab dudes" probably have horrible knee and back problems now.

-Wow. Mannaquin 2, miles ahead of the ska music scene.

-Jason is such a dweeb. Dances like a moron--wait, we're gonna talk to this guy for a second, see if it's funny... Nope. No jokes here--yeah, like a fucking dweeb. No should follow him--wait, the music changed at her command...

Her dance is catching on...

All the different 80's cliche party goers in the 90's are getting all fancy now...

Heads all over tits...

Needless to say this club is weird.

-Damn it! Kristy Swanson is cute as a button in this. She's kinda charming my socks off.

 

-Don't cut to some cheap clockwise screen wipe after an emotional moment like that! They're talking about losing family, being lonely, and making a genuine connection and then, "Hey kids! Doesn't this look like a stopwatch!"

I appreciate you moving it along, film, but please, show some tact!

In fact, what the hell is going on with this movie's screen wipe game?

-I'll admit, they are cute together, and the actor is playing Jason's better traits well, but the character's breakfast making skills, like his driving habits, are ridiculous. Why did they fill this kinda nice guy with all these horrible character choices? I just can't help but think he's is a douchebag.

-Love Hollywood. Always makes an entrance, hands out dating advice with ease, and even burns the bad guy with a sweet... burn.

My first real laugh I had out loud was that asshole line.

Hollywood needs his own movie about him finding true love with a mannequin.

-The 2nd genuine laugh, "Weeeeeeeeee have met before..." Great delivery.

-Gail took the news of another girl sleeping with the new guy with all the dignity and grace of a good sport, I love her.

-"Go get the girl!" , "The girl is gone again!"

What's with all the G alliteration in this script?

-Looks like Hollywood got an up close visit with Jessie's extended family of redwoods... I mean penises.

-The 3 henchmen waiting to send the note to their boss, sending the note, and him reading it, we're all perfect examples of slapstick done right.

-I haven't seen the 1st movie and understand Hollywood was carried over from it, but what I don't understand is why does he not believe Jason's claims the mannequin was alive at first, but then when his turned into one himself, and she's disappeared, why does he say "I believe you, this has happened before" (Answer might very well be in the 1st movie.)

-Fashion Montage. Check.

-WAIT! Hold up! He just HAD that crossbow on him while at the store?!

Also, I love how the Count's plan B is just straight up murder, doesn't even give a fuck if there are witnesses! Then again, no one but Hollywood seems to care that an assignation attempt is going on anyway. The goofiness of it all is strange considering how different and terrifying and timely this scene would be if you just replaced the crossbow with a gun like it was HEAT or something.

-I want a HOLLYWOOD JOINS THE MARINES movie and I want it yesterday!

-The go cart escape is fun. Silly, but not egregiously so. It felt a bit short actually.

-NOW you think about getting out of Dodge?! I was telling you to runaway with her like, 15 billion notes ago!

-Why doesn't she scream for help downstairs? Why is so easy to put a neckless on this girl? Fight back woman!

-This is most earnestly romantic montage about a man in prison missing a mannequin guarded by lock and key.

*Sigh*

They just don't make em like they used to.

-Actual HOLLYWOOD JOINS THE MARINES! Thank you, Movie.

-Jason as the English, hippy cameraman has waaaaay more charisma than just Jason.

-What did Jason do to earn such respect from that cameraman? Anytime he wants the job? For the 5 seconds he carried a camera?

-WHO in the WORLD was the lady in the pink dress who crosses the Count and Mr. James as the Count does that disgusting laugh? I don't mean to be rude, but she... looks... Horrifying.

-Why do they keep using the same song for slow dance scenes? They really couldn't commission another historically accurate Casio keyboard composition?

-Okay, stop applauding audience. Hollywood is trying sing, and it's getting weird now.

-Did the editor just do a bunch of coke before cutting this stage show together?

-Mannequins, Mid-Evil times, hip hop dance breaks, stunts, alien spaceships... Hollywood should do the Oscars!

-Does... Does this movie have a LAUGH TRACK?

-The henchman getting a hot air ballon is a perfect example of what this movie does well.

-Murder is bad. But accidental murder is fitting and hilarious!

-If no one REALLY believes in these legends, then why do you keep sticking these mannequins in museums?

Dummy.

------------------------

Not horrible. Never boring. Kinda funny. Kinda charming. Again Apologize for the length.

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Watching this movie I couldn't help but wonder if William Ragsdale had, what I guess I'm calling "mental pedophilia"? What I mean by that is it seems to me that on top of being attracted to Kristy Swanson's looks, he is also super into how much of like a child she acts! After a day of showing her around basically by her hand and making her laugh at the simple things in a department store (like one would do a kid) he takes her home and and makes out hardcore! At no point is he like "maybe this is a bad idea" or "maybe you need to get accustom to this 1000 year future you are experiencing before we bone down".

 

In fact, the beginning of the movie establishes that he has had other pursuer in the form of his co-worker and he rejected her immediately. Why? Because mentally she is age appropriate physically and mentally!

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Fuckin-a, just listened to the episode. It goes off...the....rails!! Hahah

 

This was one of the best episodes ever!

 

It not only cemented just how insane this movie was, but it's also amazing when the gang go bananas. I love how a detour from a discussion about "the crab men" turned into a downward spiral of utter silliness.

 

Oh, as for my vote, no she does not have genitalia as a mannequin. Or else, sadly, I'm sure her fragile wooden body never would have lasted 1000 years in the place!

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Studio episode -- check

Chill ass guest -- check

Lots of June -- check

Jason being indignant about Philly -- check

Bun talk -- check check

 

LITERALLY PERFECT EPISODE

 

g3bS8HP.gif

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A thoughtful episode that carefully, deftly delves into the sensitive world of "Do they or don't they?" By which, I mean, of course, the question of genitalia vis a vis hummequinkind. The good grace with which this issue was approached - neither shoving it in one's face like the worst hairy mole of all mannnequinistory, nor shying away from the koen-like questions of "Where does the butt begin?" and "If I were to, say, bone this mannequin, would it's wooden womb yield to my perverted seed or, rather, be as a rocky place in wherest my seed could find no purchase (a womb tomb, if you will) - was duly noted. And appreciated.

 

All 'round, well covered.

 

With one small problem: Setting aside issues of garbage and the city of brotherly love, it is fact pure and simple that the greatest city in the world cannot smell like piss and/or shit much of the year. Nor can the greatest city be home to so much violence. Nor could the greatest city in the world take for freaking ever to put up a building. Nor would pizza rat be nothing more than a shoulder shrug. Or the subway filling with water be acceptable.

 

Now that we've dispensed with the big apple as "greatest city" (a connection that even now causes me fits of derisive laughter from which I will have to recover before continuing . . . hold for it . . . nearly there . . . oh, I'm set off again . . . deep breath . . . sigh) we can finally turn to the city your subconscious insisted you bring up when the phrase "greatest city" was uttered: Tokyo.

 

Yes, friends, your pal TC is here to help. There are literally millions of Mannequin Three plots, plot points, and idolriffic plot holes available to us in the truly greatest city in the world that cannot be ignored. Dance number you say? TC has you covered. With girls in school uniforms and also with robots and also Hello Kitty? Natch. But can we work in the obvious location - the maid cafes of Akihabara? Lordy, would TC let you down? We got your giant monsters and your Ultramen and the Studio Ghibli museum and karaoke and sushi gags and sumo - did I mention the sumo? - we got your sumo, baby. Anime version? Mmmm hmmm.

 

We got this HDTGM. We got this.

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"Anthony" wasn't gay on Designing Women

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I present to the world the next great meme image. Mostly to be used in "it me" scenarios.

 

nyIjqtO.png

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So, I had a long bus ride from NYC to Pittsburgh this weekend and double-featured both Mannequin movies. Because of this, I have many observations.

 

1. Hollywood is not the only carry-over from Mannequin to On The Move (OTM). At the end of Mannequin, a janitor keenly observes the mannequin's arms becoming Kim Cattrall's arms, and stops the spinning jaws of mannequin death. In OTM, he has been promoted to chief of security. His opening line in OTM: "Andy Ackerman, Chief of Security: I don't miss much."

 

2. This is definitely supposed to be the same store. In Mannequin, Prince & Co was going under, and was in constant danger of being bought out by Illustra. Unless the arc of their success is such that they were able to go from "nearly bankrupt" to "adding a location" in four years, the presence of Hollywood and Andy both is explained by the fact that it's supposed to be the same store (although I guess it isn't Woolworth's this time -- good correction below by Dad Has ADD. I'd chalk that up to the embezzling/Phila being cheaper.

 

3. It is then feasible that this store would have a theatre. If you consider that the thing that brought Prince & Co. back from the brink of bankruptcy was the spectacular windows and displays, it could follow that Estelle Getty would then allocate an area of the store for fashion presentations and such. Sell the sizzle.

 

4. The mother totally met Jessi before she saw the mannequin. When Jason comes into the bedroom, Jessi is watching a tape of dating profiles. "Look," she says, "Your mother gave me all of these people's lives!" This being true, the mother should have been on board from the jump that the mannequin comes to life from time to time -- she met the actual girl [EDIT: I listened to the episode for the second time yesterday, and Scheer totally caught this. I had listened to it in the morning on my way back into NYC, so I was pretty tired.]

 

5. True love loses before true love wins. Jessie wakes up and sees Jason, and immediately starts calling him "my prince." Fair enough, he looks exactly like Prince William -- but that's (diagetically) only because he's of direct descent from Prince William, because Prince William totally gave up on her and made babies with somebody else.

 

6. The curse (and therefore the central conflict) makes total sense. "Frozen forever" is revised for pity of Prince William to, "1,000 years or until she meets a true love from another land. Only then can the cursed necklace be removed." I'm not certain why she's able to change the curse on the fly when it's the Count's curse, but Prince William is also able to curse the kingdom of Hauptmann-Koenig to eternal rain, so whatever: This sets the game afoot. Prince William, bent on his lineage and hers mixing, starts bonezoning his way into having descendants overseas in secret. The Count, however, continues his lineage at status quo, with each generation mentoring the next to wait for the 1,000 years benchmark, then remove the necklace and be the one that saves her. The Philadelphia Gambit is to ensure that in the last part of this passage of time, he is both away from the Queen of Hauptmann-Koenig (who is against mixed marriage, so is that an anti-German thing?) with her crown jewels, and out of reach (he thinks) of the lineage of Prince William. Nothing can go wrong! Therefore, when Jason Williamson (William's Son) shows up, he figures out right away that the jig is up. Perhaps the logical ending of this: Jason and Jessie return to Hauptmann-Koenig as heirs to the crown.

 

7. The necklace is fair game. Once Jason removes the necklace for the first time, the moratorium on necklace-removing is over. That doesn't make the necklace uncharmed -- it just means that anyone can remove or replace it on anyone and the effect is the suspension. Without a curse on top of that, you just have your standard-issue mannequin-making necklace.

 

I'm exhausted. Love the show!

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This violates the 24 second rule that made this movie possible but I am curious about the power of curses by the Hauptmann-Koening royal family. The queen drops the really convoluted "1000 years OR until she meets a true love from another land" off the top of her dome and bam that is how things are. Then Prince William says "you've cursed this land for 1000 years" or something like that. He didn't deliver the line like he was the one laying down the curse, just like he was passing along information. But if not from him where did that curse come from? Anyway this family really seems to have a lot of juice in the curse department and I'm surprised they couldn't parlay that into ruling more of Europe.

 

Also Steve was totally right to be confused by the Count being 1000 years old. This movie had it both ways he announced he was the descendant but then later said "I've been waiting for this for 1000 years."

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I find Jason always just slows down or derails almost every conversation and pertinent talking points get lost ...

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This violates the 24 second rule that made this movie possible but I am curious about the power of curses by the Hauptmann-Koening royal family. The queen drops the really convoluted "1000 years OR until she meets a true love from another land" off the top of her dome and bam that is how things are. Then Prince William says "you've cursed this land for 1000 years" or something like that. He didn't deliver the line like he was the one laying down the curse, just like he was passing along information. But if not from him where did that curse come from?

 

I'll also add that we do NOT, unless I'm mistaken, get to see the rain curse lift itself. Why would we see the modern queen of H-K without seeing H-K's resolution? I think we need a director's cut....

 

Maybe this is the land of Nanny Nanny Boo Boo-style curses, where it's open play on curses. Like, if someone says "I'm rubber and you're glue," that person becomes rubber, and you become glue. Blake Shelton, confirm/deny, please!

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If they were to do a Male Centric Mannequin sequel, I put forward the title "The Dummy".

 

A lonely department store worker, having to cover an early morning shift dressing mannequins in the menswear department, she'd say something along the lines of "Wish I could find a guy with abs like that", and the mannequin comes to life.

 

Here's the problem, he's a complete moron (hence the title "The Dummy"), so while the now living mannequin is physically attractive, he has absolutely no common sense, he's getting into fights with mirrors because "That guy keeps copying me!", maybe have him fall down the stairs because he doesn't know he can bend his knees, even think he's broken his leg when he does bend at the knee, the girl has to teach him everything.

 

And then you end the trailer for the movie where the girl (I'm thinking Rachael Leigh Cook, she's due a big comeback) takes "The Dummy" to a party as her date, he does something stupid, and her friend says "Your date's cute... but he's kind of a dummy" to which Rachael Leigh Cook says "You don't know the half of it".

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5. True love loses before true love wins. Jessie wakes up and sees Jason, and immediately starts calling him "my prince." Fair enough, he looks exactly like Prince William -- but that's (diagetically) only because he's of direct descent from Prince William, because Prince William totally gave up on her and made babies with somebody else.

 

 

It had to be the little sister, right? Otherwise they were just playing with our emotions introducing that character and I know these filmmakers wouldn't treat their audience that way.

 

Edit: Just to be clear I mean after the sister reached legal age in H-K. Which I think is 25.

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To put the whole debate as to whether the living mannequin would have genitals, I have two words to put an end to it...

 

Weird Science!

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CORRECTION: The 1987 film Mannequin also took place in Philadelphia, not New York, and was actually set at the same fictional department store as the sequel: Prince & Company.

 

The first movie's Philly setting is even referenced in Ween's fantastic song "Freedom of '76," in which Gene Ween sings "Mannequin was filmed at Woolworth's, Boys to Men still keepin' up the beat."

 

In actuality, while the first Mannequin movie WAS filmed in Philly, it was not filmed in Woolworth's, but in Wanamaker's and Boscov's department stores.

 

So, no worries over Hollywood being demoted; he was working in the same bizarre wonderland of a store in both films!

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I completely forgot that was Meshach Taylor in the Mannequin movies! Like June, I remember thinking his character was a prime example of comedy at the time, and it does make me cringe a bit looking back on it. Small point of correction--Taylor's character on Designing Women was never supposed to be gay--he was straight but he only dated a couple of times throughout the whole series. He eventually got drunk and accidentally married a showgirl named Etienne. Oh that kooky show!

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CORRECTION: Jason thought that the body falling off the bridge was a person, not a mannequin. He makes reference to this after "saving" her.

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"Ooh, we gotta put some gennies on these mannies!" I almost died.

 

Just :wub: this whole episode.

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OMISSION: The long-haired garbage woman is at Hollywood's big show later on at one of the first tables...for no real reason.

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Why has no one addressed the mannequins perfect understanding and speaking of modern american english though she was supposed to be German. I think it would have been funny for her to come alive confused and screaming in german, but maybe thats just me. And the lack of accents in the first scene. Also that the guard that gets stabbed in the foot has on what looks like rubber boots.

 

Another issue I had was how in the dance scene the female dancers morphed into completely different outfits and hairstyles.

 

Lastly, they do make mannequins that are anatomically correct, but why would that matter? In the movie someone points to the fact that she is hollow and knocks on her.

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And the lack of accents in the first scene.

 

What about the EXCESS of accents? What exactly was going on with the Queen's accent?

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