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anarchicwhims

Hate Going Back To School? So does this teacher...

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BACK TO SCHOOL - by Anarchic Whims

 

Announcer: “If you’re not looking forward to going back to school: don’t worry, you’re not the only ones…”

 

[sFX: Banging wood. Anthony’s House, 8:15am.]

 

Mum: Anthony! You’re going to be late for school!

A: Yeah I know! I’m up, I’m up!

Mum: I told you last night not to stay up late

 

———

 

[# Verse 1]

Where has vacation gone?

It felt too quick, I need a longer break,

how could it be back to school again.

 

Farewell to lazy days

to Netflix through my holidays

I’m up now to ride that bus to school

 

Goodbye sleeping in,

to midnight Snapchatting

to having breakfast after half past ten,

Back to hormoan hell

(those words I cannot spell)

And faking why the homework’s late again.

 

[# CHORUS 1]

(I’m going) Back to School,

returning for a fiery start

cos school’s reop’ning again,

I’ve got my lunch box, uniform, books and pens,

(cos don’t forget that customary need to bring new stationary.)

 

Back to School, my heart is pumping hard

cos education’s ten out of—- twelve

and it’s the only place you can learn in town, It’s-why-I’m

psyched and thrilled I’m back to school

- to burn it down…

again.

 

———

 

[sFX: Back to Anthony’s House, 8:16am.]

 

Mum: I told you last night not to stay up late-

A: Yeah mum, I couldn’t sleep, alright.

Mum: Maybe because you were playing bloody Pokemon again?

A: No… because I was really excited about school.

Mum: Awww… Are you excited about school?

A: Oh yeah. Can’t wait to go back to school. Compulsory full-time education - real Judi Dench.

Mum: Well I hope you behave yourself this time -

A: Shut up you unevolved Zubat.

Mum: Pardon?

A: I love you mummy- I’m off, bye!

 

———

[# Verse 2]

 

I’m set-up underneath

got fire-proof pants and vest beneath

my clothes - Wow,

I’m feeling so intensive.

 

Pray my lunch box isn’t loose cos

petrol’s in the orange juice

Can’t waste now,

cos fuel is so expensive

 

Can I do the same and shut down school again?

I know it can be done cos it was me…. (last term)

who set the school alit, and got away with it

Despite the fact I’m thirty-one and Head of Geography.

 

———

 

[sFX: School Yard: Mr. Anthony Bailey is approached by a student, 8:29am]

 

Donald: “Mister Bailey, Mister Bailey sir! Is that a Fireman Sam lunchbox?-”

A: “- Just, tuck in your shirt, Donald.”

 

———

 

[# CHORUS 2 (x2)]

Back to School,

returning for a fiery start

cos school’s reopening again,

I’ve got my lunch box, uniform, books and pen,

(cos books are great for not just learning, stack them up - they’re great for burning.)

 

Back to School, my heart is pumping hard

cos education’s makes you go down

and it’s the only place you can learn in town, It’s-why-I’m

psyched and thrilled I’m back to school to -

 

—————

[# THE ENTIRE SCHOOL CHOIR JOINS IN]

[Mister Bailey riffs over the school choir.]

 

Back to School, [A: "Burn..."]

returning for a fiery start

cos school’s reopening again, [A: "I'm gonna burn the school down! Burn."]

He’s got his lunch box, uniform, books and pen, [A: "Your lunch, books and pens, aww..."]

(cos books are great for not just learning, stack them up - they’re great for burning.)

[A: "Books are great for burning... yeah."]

 

Back to School, cos Mister Bailey’s lesson plan [A: "My name is Mister Bailey..."]

will set the world ablaze [A: "Watch it burn! Set ablaze"]

And it’s the only place you can learn in town, It’s-why-he’s [A: "I'm gonna set the globe ablaze..."]

psyched and thrilled he’s back to school to

- burn it down.

[A: "Watch me, watch me set... watch it burn..”]

 

 

———

[sLEEVE NOTES]

** Mister Bailey, Head of Geography at Fakenham Comprehensive School was caught red-handed and was arrested for attempting to set the school gym alight using petrol smuggled in via an orange juice container. He was immediately expelled from the premises. You could say he was 'fired'. **

 

** In other news: A Fireman's Sam lunchbox was also coincidentally found at the scene of the crime. Please check with younger siblings to make sure they have not mistakenly left it. The kindergarten/reception class have no idea how it got there.**

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