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Joe McGurl

Survivor Season 33: MEGATHREAD

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Late but here we go.


Challenge Beast: Ken - I think he might end up being one of the only reasons Gen X ever wins a challenge.

Strategist: Mari - I would imagine her professional video game skills should translate to her being a lot more strategic than physical.

The Black Widow: Figgy - It looked like she was surrounding herself with dudes that are bigger threats, taking a Nicole from Big Brother strategy, and she just won last night.

The Cutthroat: Hannah - Total guess.

The Old Schooler: Zeke - I'm probably farthest off here but I like him and this was my last spot. Plus the way he handled building the shelter and making fire back me up.

Under The Radar: Adam - I watched the whole episode last night and didn't recognize this guy from his picture today, that's my only reasoning.

Wildcard: David - He seems insanely neurotic. He could do anything anytime.

Bench Player: Taylor

Final 3: Will, Mari, Figgy - I bet the Millenials generally stay teamed up when the merge happens and slowly pick off Gen X completely.

Winner: Mari

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hi guys.


gen-x seems boring and miserable. at least until someone has a heart attack.


millenials are more interesting, but mostly just zeke so far. though his growth arc is too starting strong and early to be a real winner candidate, i would think.

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Well, my brackets busted :(

But Ken's as exciting as I thought he'd be.

David looks like he'all be that guy you could never expect to do much but does everything.

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Thank you to all the late comers for making it so that I'm not in last place. But I'm also happy my score currently sits at 69.


David is the man. The way he cracked open that coconut with the rock shows his inner strength.

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Millennial tribe member Will has the most punchable face/voice combo. I just want to bully the guy so hard.

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Would it be bad to nickname their relationship "FigTails" for the forseeable future?

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Millennial tribe member Will has the most punchable face/voice combo. I just want to bully the guy so hard.


Yes. His voice sounds fake to me and I feel like the older millenials are going to get tired of his shit real quick.

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‣ fire, shitty rock chairs, AND an idol? is there anything david CANT do?!




‣ wish i could make a gif of the dumb laugh this idiot did


‣ oh baby, making out on survivor island, nice of the cameraman to keep the boner out of the shot


‣ VERY specific bowling story from Jay, i guess the cool thing to do is to go bowling with boys instead of staying in with your girlfriend


‣ Ken actually breaths through the dick, he cant cover that bulge in any way or he will pass out. giving him rescue breathing would be quite interesting though ;)



‣ no comment



‣ “psssht. whaa? hmph. someone doesnt find my antics adorable? you best go on, girl” the accent figgy uses when talking to michaela and no one else makes me very uncomfortable


‣ oh right that guy who i saw in the background and forgot who he was was adam


‣ oh damn the mystery heart attack guy is the old fat man on the tribe, what a shocker


‣ “if this big gross guy can have a heart attack, this can happen to literally anyone”




‣ cant the friggin censors at CBS take ONE MINUTE off for christs sake i was so close. early in the season i make sexy jokes about the boys because that seems less creepy, right around episode 6 i’ll feel comfortable enough to acknowledge i actually think women are pretty


‣ david reminds me of the stuart character on madtv when he tries to do challenges


‣ the idea of cheering for a guy underwater just cracked me up, they cant hear you haha


‣ ken is a goddam beast, nice work dude



‣ when u spot a girl look at u because u know ur hair look so good right now


‣ mari extremely on brand with the video game stuff this ep


‣ zeke sounds like chris gethard


‣ oh mari if only it was about puppies or butts


‣ lol zeke calling figgy “darling” makes me want to puke



‣ ok this has got to be worth some bonus points in the survivor fantasy pool


‣ nevermind it doesnt matter any more my fantasy chances are fucked


‣ time for a celebratory victory orgy for the triforce


‣ i think this one is a PRO out of PROBST even without my pick for winner getting voted out week 2, that lame heart attack fakeout was shit and cool kids club is still in charge

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as someone who can only understand life through the prism of video game analogies, this episode was a real heartbreaker

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So since I can't update the first post here are the current leaderboard totals. Mari's vote off was a crushing one as quite a few people (myself included) had her going deep or winning.

RonnieHog -
Chefszki -
Joe McGurl -
Fabio -
RanRan -
MarshallMellow & Asteck -
Greggy -
DannyBoy -
Peanuts -
Jack Johnson -
MarcusIrving -

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Sweet, tied with MarshallMellow B)


For the record I misunderstood the scoring and thought the wildcard was supposed to go out early bc of their naughty behavior! I never would have bet on Rachel to win!!!



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‣ whining about a blindside is a good survivor look, zeke is killing it

‣ “you and me on dumbass island” is a song im writing for ukelele girlstumblr_inline_oenj5xhf7j1t1zpts_500.gif

‣ david accidentally touches a stick

‣ hmm paul making a big deal about how good a fisher he is, wonder how many fishes he will catch

‣ yup thats that classic survivor edit, zero fish haha

‣ david sells out his tribe so fast, classic gen x moveQ0iUj3x.gif

‣ ken caught these?? yeah right, i think the producers just raided the exotic fish aisle at petsmarttumblr_inline_oenk3iDaN11t1zpts_500.gif

‣ this guy is flippin nuts ahahahahaha

‣ this comp is 100% just field day shit, competition building team took the week off

‣ i think ken is my new crush this season, if these thankless gen x idiots vote him out i will be piss

‣ millenials busted ass on the puzzle, nice work zeke and whichever girl it was who wasnt figgy or michaela

‣ honestly i do think cece is a good choice for their tribe. if david and ken can somehow pull off paul i will be happy too but it seems unlikely

‣ god jessica’s eye is still so gross lookingTRonSaU.gif

‣ lol jeff really thinks he’s onto something with the u/you thing, but hes even late on that because everyone just uses their phone’s autocomplete now

‣ i really hope paul eats it after that speech

‣ haha, classic idol fake out by the music team

‣ goddamn, love a good blindside, that pulls this one up to a PROB ep. challenge was shit but it was good seeing the last of paul

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btw if gif posts are making the thread load bad for anyone or whatever just let me know and i can stop

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btw if gif posts are making the thread load bad for anyone or whatever just let me know and i can stop

pls don't stop they're the best

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RonnieHog - 168
Chefszki & Joe McGurl - 156
Fabio - 143
RanRan - 138
MarshallMellow - 141
Asteck - 140
Greggy - 119
DannyBoy - 115
Peanuts - 97
MarcusIrving - 81
Jack Johnson- 78


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That was amazing. Ken saying just "Yeah." to Jessica was perfect, you could see she knew she screwed up and Ken wasn't going to help her again.

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lol @ ronnie with - 168 points


I may be in the negatives too but at least I haven't broken the triple digits


#charleysheencatchprase #defnotinlastplace #mcm

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‣ oh yeah i forgot i used to make predictions on who was getting voted out each week, i’m guessing david based on his weinery-ness and the gen x losing streak. tough call when he has an idol but plenty of idiots dont use it when they should




‣ sunday steps into an olde-timey photos kiosk at the county fair to wonder if they made a mistake voting out paul



‣ listen adam i know sometimes it can be hard to give the producers the reactions they want but hold it together man, it isnt even a full idol

‣ finding an idol clue is especially good to me, a survivor super-dee-duper fan.

‣ wow i didnt see them voting out the old guy who was useless in challenges

‣ man chris completely dominated the millenials in the ring game, that was impressive

‣ AHAHAHA michaela is amazing

‣ lol probst has so much joy for how deep michaela dug there



‣ ok that was the best comp of the season so far, what a great effort by everyone



‣ after so many days packed in with other people and cameras following you everywhere, its nice to finally get a bit of release

‣ it would be funny if one season they hid like a hundred fake immunity idols and every tribal people would turn in like 3 each and jeff would just be like “nope nope nope nope”

‣ lucy going from “who’s that” to big boss

‣ they raced through the challenge and then get stuck on the puzzle for an hour

‣ another great challenge though

‣ my david pick doesnt sound very likely, which im ok with because he’s a decent dude

‣ oh good work jess, you’re very smart

‣ jessica’s eyes seem better at least, thats nice

‣ dang david, heck of a move



‣ excellent challenges + excellent tribal = first full PROBST ep of the season, folks, this ought to make ken, david, jessica, and cece a strong group but if not david may have just painted a big target on his back

‣ oops nevermind new tribes so that whole move was kind of a wash

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Week 5 Leaderboard


1) RonnieHog - 317 (-)


2) Chefszki - 295 (-)


3) Joe McGurl - 287 (-1 spot)


4) Asteck- 268 (+2 spots)


5) MarshallMellow - 267 (-)


6) Fabio - 262 (-3 spots)


7) RanRan - 251 (-3 spots)


8) DannyBoy - 231 (-)


9) JackJohnson - 206 (+2 spots)


10) Greggy - 205 (-3 spots)


11) MarcusIrving - 202 (-)


12) Peanuts - 181 (-2 spots)

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Survivor 33-05 Notes



‣ jessica sees the error in her ways, that is nice

‣ i’ve often wondered why tribes dont just decide to all go look for the idol

‣ lol another idol for david, the man is a machine


‣ hmm everyone visibly brought all their shit to the competition, what a shocker this tribe switch up must have been for them


‣ this week the part of michelle will be played by keith richards from pirates of the carribean: at worlds end


‣ taylor trying so hard to quote his favorite paris hilton catchphrase but he can never get it right

‣ chris and zeke working together could be cool


great throw zeke


‣ lol i forgot will was there until he cheered for michaela

‣ damn michaela was truly so good at that comp

‣ how many more eps until they drop talking about gen x/millenials anyway

‣ RIP cece, too mediocre for this world

‣ oops forget to guess who would go home

‣ PRO ep i guess, switchup was fine, comp was fine, cece leaving was fine, nothing special

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Week 6 Leaderboard


1) RonnieHog - 372 (-)


2) Joe McGurl - 342 (+1 spot)


3) Chefzki - 340 (-1 spot)


4) MarshallMellow- 320 (+1 spot)


5) Asteck - 311 (-1 spot)


6) Fabio - 309 (-)


7) RanRan - 302 (-)


8) DannyBoy - 277 (-)


9) JackJohnson - 253 (-)


10) Greggy - 251 (-)


11) MarcusIrving - 232 (-)


12) Peanuts - 228 (-)

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‣ i will guess its michelle going


‣ wow cant believe S&P not only let that go out unbleeped BUT even let them subtitle it like that, so raw

‣ lol jay singing the survivor theme and then them putting the actual theme behind him was such a PAW moment imvho


‣ “worth playing for?” jeff asked, pretty sure he knew the answer. the contestants darted their eyes back and forth across the dry baked goods shipped in from a grocery store bakery clearance rack. chris cleared his throat loudly. “uh...well..yes?” david said nervously. he knew this couldnt possibly be the correct answer but something had to be said to clear the tension. “Good,” jeff probst said, “let’s get it owwwnnnnnn”


‣ its a hip new dance and it goes-a like this, its the DAVID STOP IT


‣ “watch out ken” figgy said under her breath after his balls had already been destroyed

‣ uhoh hannah says she’s feeling faint, i wonder if that will come back at all~

‣ having chris repeat what michelle was saying was a good strategy

‣ YES ZEKE YES throw michelle under that bus buddy, i want my prediction to come true


‣ jess and ken’s reaction to figgy was really cute

‣ oh boy cant wait to hear jeff talking about how well the people on the maze handle balls

‣ michaela being p uncool on this one but hard to argue with those results

‣ there goes my prediction but it will all be worth it if we can drop taylor or figgy. if they harm my ken i will be pissed


‣ here is my pet monkey adam, he actually likes it when i do this

‣ figgy overreacting so hard

‣ what the fuck are you talking about right now jeff probst. dont dare these dumb children into getting married on tv

‣ THANK CHRIST. good job adam you are in my good graces

‣ PROB ep. pretty good. satisfying edge of my seat tribal. glad ken is safe for another week

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‣ ah yes taylor is truly heartbroken on survivor island (thank you JoeMcGurl for this)

‣ oh hey i need to do a guess...is sunday still on the island? uh...michelle maybe? eh its too early to do this guessing so i guess i forgot to do it again

‣ would love to see zeke and david work together, zeke is doing a good job with alliances and stuff



‣ ok when you first hear this you might be thinking “does jay think its the bug eating challenge?” haha thats cute but no. he is actually using a thing millenials invented called “jive talk” and what he is saying here is he is sick to his stomach with worry about how hard this challenge is going to be



‣ michaela fully devastated at the loss of millenial linchpin figgy

‣ lol first survivor “bye felicia”, i wonder if jeff got that reference

‣ godd amm this reward is so much better than last week’s its funny its the same show



‣ surprised jeff didnt have a saucy comment for THIS little maneuver ;). this is actually a really cool challenge

‣ damn chris sinking shots like a professional, its shocking how good that tiny team is at challenges, and its not even like chris is just carrying them through. zeke is also very strong in challenges, and david has a wiry quality that transfers well. michelle is mostly just there but she at least doesnt get in anybody’s way



‣ this is honestly the most i’ve liked michelle all season, this is the proper response to a giant man farting right next to you

‣ i get the strategy behind it but lying about your job back home is such a weird move

‣ haha jay is growing on me, running from cops for starting bonfires on the beach, maybe the fire isnt the only thing throwing up clouds right jay? jay as in joint? lol



‣ Ken Is My Boyfriend



‣ chris does a celebratory Nerd Dunk

‣ hope they dont mess up the vote split



‣ ugh jay dont do this

‣ “i trust michaela. lets vote her out.” you dummies michaela is the reason this is the first time youve gone to tribal




‣ i love her immediately calling jay on it, so sad to see her go

‣ lol hannah

‣ ok i gotta say, excellent challenges, a truly huge blindside, i hated seeing those results but this was a true PROBST episode

‣ ugh even her send off was great, come back soon michaela

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