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Joe McGurl

Survivor Season 34: MEGATHREAD

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Alriiiight, you guys ready to get to Season 34 of Survivor?!


Survivor is back this coming Wednesday 3/8 and that means it's time to start picking our fantasy teams! Last season was super fun here in our fantasy league and I'm SUPER pumped to get back into it again! Once again this year teams may be picked before OR after the premiere. The catch being that if you pick a team after the episode airs, any points a castaway accumulates during the premiere will NOT count towards your final total whereas choosing your team beforehand will earn you full points. -- It's a high risk/reward game that worked out fairly well for a few people who drafted after the first episode. JJPI stayed very competitive in the point totals all last season long and finished 5th BUT would have won the league had he drafted early. The choice is yours!!!


The current champ is David aka RonnieHog and he's got his eyes on the prize for a repeat! So let's get to work and bounce this dude to the bottom!


As always, I will keep the leaderboard updated on the google doc and here in the thread.


Here is the link to the scoring sheet: https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing


And the spreadsheet where the scores are kept: https://docs.google....dit?usp=sharing



And here is your form to pick your team!


Challenge Beast: Someone who will prove his or her challenge prowess.

The Strategist: Player who will show the greatest strategic aptitude.

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: This is a female player who might be underrated or not so front-of-mind and can therefore strategically sneak and blindside her way to the top.

The Cutthroat: A player who will set out aiming to lie, cheat and steal their way to the million dollar prize no matter what it costs.

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: A player who will play the less strategic "old school survivor" mindset or someone who will be unwavering in their loyalty to their alliance.

Under The Radar: Someone entering Survivor aiming to play an undetectable game.

Wildcard: A player who is completely unpredictable in the game

Bench Player: A bonus player you like or think will earn you points.



Final 3 Prediction: The 3 players who will make it to the final.

Winner Pick: The player who will win this season.




If you're looking to choose your team pre-premiere here is a link to a video of Probst assessing the cast that you can get some impressions from and draw conclusions based off personalities. Full cast bio videos are also available on that channel:



And here is a page with interviews for every contestant and a Reddit link with a slew of pre game interviews and clips.





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Challenge Beast: malcolm doy

The Strategist: sandra

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: michaela, she learned her lesson from the sand-diagram

The Cutthroat: uh tony uh

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: caleb

Under The Radar:hali because i dont remember her and she has that goat look to her

Wildcard: tai is the wildest of cards

Bench Player: ill toss zeke in here

Final 3 Prediction: tony, hali, aubry

Winner Pick: AUBRY. for the simple reason that mel got served who called in with her dad to reality show show one time picked her as the winner and there is no one i trust more with my survivor picks.


now i took all the obvious choices and you will be stuck picking different things so yours isnt just the same as mine B)

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wait wtf i won!? where did you send my prize money i am seriously in debt and could use $100,000 right now my paypal is LimpKorn1995@aol.com.

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Challenge Beast: This one's tough, it's between Malcolm and Ozzy because they are the biggest hunks. I'll go Malcolm.

The Strategist: My boy Zeke about to kill this

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: Ciera bae

The Cutthroat: That creep Troyzan.

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: Ozzy, I'd like to think that he's learned from his 15 survivor losses but he probably is just going to hook up with Hali and they'll get voted off.

Under The Radar: Aubry.

Wildcard: Culpepper. He's the definition of wild card.

Bench Player: Cirie. She's a survivor, I think she'll go far.



Final 3 Prediction: Tai, Malcolm, Ciera.

Winner Pick: Ciera.


I'm all in on bae.

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Challenge Beast: You sexist pigs are all just going for men..disgusting. I'm going for my girl Michaela

The Strategist: Malcolm. Homeboy is a challenge beast but also super smart and savvy

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: Hali. My black widow and dark horse for the season. I think she has the benefit of not showing a lot her last time out and she's much smarter than she appears. Hoping she'll be the Wentworth 2.0 of the season.

The Cutthroat: Tony. Team TV baby! Don't fuck me and be first out my sweet beautiful crazy man

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: Ozzy. The guy sucks at the social game but is a provider and knows how to make it deep.

Under The Radar: JT. Out of Sandra, Tony and JT, I think JT has the smallest target on his back. He's packed on some pounds and seems to be playing up his country bumpkin personality and reminding everyone about his big goof up with Russel in Heroes v Villains but ol jet is still a challenge beast under that beer gut and has a great social game.

Wildcard: Debbie. Folks, the gal is wild!

Bench Player: Aubrae


Final 3 Prediction: Culpepper, JT, Hali

Winner Pick: Going for a longshot and saying JT brings home a second win.



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Challenge Beast: I will also go with Joe's girl Michaela

The Strategist: Hali

The Black Widow AKA the Parvati Award: Sandra

The Cutthroat: Tony

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: Debbie

Under The Radar: Tai

Wildcard: Cirie

Bench Player: Malcolm


Final 3 Prediction: Ciera E, Aubry, JT

Winner Pick: Aubry


hopefully my team will play well and go far

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Final 3 Prediction: Ciera E, Aubry, JT

Winner Pick: Sierra T


Your winner pick has to be someone from the Final 3! So just switch that up accordingly

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Team Fabio:


Challenge Beast: Michaela. Joe's right. And woke.

The Strategist: Malcolm. Dude can ball out. And the manbun is guaranteed screentime and confessional points.

The Black Widow: Ciera Eastin. She's smart, sneaky and less threatening that she was in Second Chances. Plus I'm trusting /r/survivor to always be wrong, and they hate her guts over there.

The Cutthroat: Zeke. He's a wildcard to everyone out there. But I think his villainous turn in the MvGX edit was setting up a big villain role in S34.

The Old Schooler: Caleb. Non-threatening to everyone there. Dumb. Good at challenges. He'll be a loyal foot soldier for some savvier player.

Under the Radar: JT. Winner of the first-ever perfect game and he's somehow like threat #10 or lower on this season. Real shot to win again, but I'm worried his famous charm won't work on these bloodthirsty sharks.

Wildcard: Brad. Did he learn how to count this time around? If so, game changer.

Bench Player: Andrea. I need more ladies on my roster or Joe will get mad. She's the only woman left I can see going far and having a big presence screentime-wise.


Final 3: Brad, Sierra Dawn Thomas, Tai

Winner: Fan Favorite Game Changer Sole Survivor Sierra Dawn Thomas


My only strategy here is to not pick Tony. He has to go early. He just has to. I can't imagine anyone keeping him around. I'm praying three times a day that he makes it to the merge. But even that is such a longshot. If he goes early, he's a points suck on everyone's roster. But if he even makes the merge, he's such a screentime and fantasy points machine that I'll instantly lose this league. So I'm hedging my bets and either way I can be happy about something.

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Challenge Beast- Michaela - She was amazing last season (I chose this before I saw everybody else choose it but I'm not changing)

The Strategist- Zeke - Hoping he uses his brains to become a big target and game his way through the whole thing.

The Black Widow- Aubry - I don't fully understand this category.

The Cutthroat- Sandra - I don't think she has an option to play any other type of game than this one.

The Old Schooler/Loyalist- Caleb - Don't see him making any sort of big moves, if he sticks around at all it'll because he chose the right people.

Under the Radar- Cirie - She's perfect to keep around. Everybody should want her for final 3.

Wildcard- Tai - I'm guessing he changes his playing completely and becomes a David type.

Bench Player- Ozzy - Couldn't fit him anywhere else but I like him too much to not use him.


Final 3- Zeke, Cirie, Sandra


Winner- Sandra - If she gets here she wins no matter who she's with or how she got there.

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Game on!


Challenge Beast: Malcolm Freberg

The Strategist: Tai Trang

The Black Widow: Andrea Bowhlke

The Cutthroat: Ozzy

The Old Schooler/ Loyalist: Troyzan

Under The Radar: Aubry Bracco

Wildcard: Michaela Bradshaw

Bench Player: Zeke Smith



Final 3 Prediction: Aubry Bracco, Zeke Smith, Tai Tang

Winner Pick: Tai Tang

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Alright, last season I put my trust into RNGesus and only lost due to human error... Not this season!


Challenge Beast: Andrea

The Strategist: Tony

The Black Widow: Debbie

The Cutthroat: Sarah

The Old Schooler/Loyalist: Ciera

Under the Radar: Brad

Wildcard: Troyzan

Benchman: Michaela


F3: Oscar, Hali, Jeff

W: Jeff

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Challenge Beast: Caleb Reynolds

The Strategist: Aubry Bracco

The Black Widow: Michaela Bradshaw

The Cutthroat: Tony Vlachos

The Old Schooler/Loyalist: Sarah Lacina

Under the Radar: Hali Ford

Wildcard: Malcolm Freberg

Bench Player: Sandra Diaz-Twiane


F3: Hali, Sarah, Sandra


Winner: Hali Ford

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Challenge beast: Caleb

Strategist: Aubry

Black Widow: Hali

Cutthroat: Tony

Old schooler: Ozzy

UTR: Sandra

Wildcard: Michaela

Bench Player: JT


Final 3: Tony, Malcolm, Debbie

Winner: Tony.

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Callenge Beast: Caleb

The Strategist - Michaela

The Black Widow - Andrea

The Cutthroat - Tony

The Old Schooler - Ozzy

Under the Radar - Aubry

Wildcard - Sierra

Bench Player - Zeke


Final Three: Andrea, Zeke, Aubry

Winner - Aubry

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Was on the money with Ciera being first boot. I think she just came in too hard too fast. If she just sat back and did nothing, she likely would have been fine. Sad that we lost Tony so early but he gave us more in two hours than some people give us in an entire season so I can't be too upset about it. The spy bunker was such a disastrous idea that could have literally never worked but bless that man for doing it and leading to the amazing 4 am army crawl through the dirt to spy on Troy and Sandra. Also, Sandra. Yas kween. Any way, here are some other stray notes.



Tribe: let's build a shelter



Fuck. This is why Tony is my favorite Survivor of all time.


Lol at Caleb slipping on the rocks and almost impaling himself on the fishing spear 20 minutes into the game.


Cirie: Tai we're good?

Tai: Yes.

Cirie: And I talked to Ozzy, we're good too.

Tai: Yeah you still may have to smooth things over with him.

Cirie: .....I already did. Did he say something that makes you think I should still be worried about Ozzy?

Tai: ...

Cirie: ...


Tai: 17233591494d482c524d0cbfbaf5ea03e22865bb6c20ceb9325ebfd5e435d5a8.jpg



Lol at the first challenge having a digging portion. Caleb is having PTSD


Woah what the fuck this tribal set is the fucking coolest!




RIP to there ever being a CirieCieraSierra alliance.


Most survivors sleep at night. Tony Vlachos stands over everyone at night and then runs away to literally bury himself underground.


I need a gif of Tony army crawling ASAP


RIP The Tony-Sandra Big Threat Alliance: 9:03-9:07 pm EST. Truly too beautiful for this world


Lol at Troyzan being the worst liar. "We were just...talking about the tide." Oh cool, yeah so what normal people do. "Hey Sandra, can I steal you away from camp at 4 am for 5 minutes, I just have GOT to tell you about this tide!"


Lol at Sandra's lie too holy shit. "Yes Troyzan that tide sure is interesting but let me talk to you for a sec about the crate at camp. For me? It's too close to the fire! I would love to hear your thoughts on this."


Sandra: Tony thinks that he's the boss but he's not the boss of SHIT.

"Wow" - Hali Ford on bearing witness to the presence of Sandra-Diaz Twine.


JT: Tai's going to have to decide whether he's here for a million dollars or to marry chickens.


I love JT


Malcolm channeling his inner Reynolds with this tossing shit holy moly.


Michaela: I hate losing

Caleb: Me too. We need to stay strong

Varner: Yeah that challenge was hell, this is hell

Varner, in confessional a second later: I'M IN HEAVEN!


I love Varner.


Okay, so either Tony or Sandra are going home and I'm real bummed at the prospect of both.




Bye Tony. I love you.

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Week 1 Leaderboard

1) Asteck - 94 Points

2) Charlie - 91 Points

3) MarcusIrving - 87 Points

4) Joe McGurl & Peanuts - 85 Points

5) JJPI - 79 points

6) Greggy & Fabio - 78 points

7) FunnyBefore - 75 points

8) MarshallMellow - 74 points

9) Ronniehog - 69 points B)


Congrats to Jack Johnson PI for using his private investigating skills to be the only person in the league to put the first two boots on his team. That's not the goal of the game but I appreciate your professionalism in seeking the truth.


Tony was picked by 7 of 11 teams so in reality it shouldn't affect TOO much but scores are pretty close here at the start! Can't wait to see how the rest of the season plays out!


I made a post earlier in the day yesterday realizing I had only put Culpepper in my final 3 and not on my actual team and that I was going to swap him for Aubry but I guess I wasn't connected to wifi so it didn't post. I don't want to be accused of any shenanigans so I swapped Aubry back when I after the ep that it didn't post. I mean, he would have put me in first by one point but WHATEVER. I'll take my lumps and keep Aubry anyway, no biggie. She's a fashion icon.

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Lol at Troyzan being the worst liar. "We were just...talking about the tide." Oh cool, yeah so what normal people do. "Hey Sandra, can I steal you away from camp at 4 am for 5 minutes, I just have GOT to tell you about this tide!"


Lol at Sandra's lie too holy shit. "Yes Troyzan that tide sure is interesting but let me talk to you for a sec about the crate at camp. For me? It's too close to the fire! I would love to hear your thoughts on this."

This part was the best. It's amazing to me that tony managed to separate them so quickly and find out what they were talking about. He's such a cop.


Also I would like to address the terrible events that occurred at the first tribal.


My heart goes out to the Ciera Eastin and the family and friends effected by this travesty. Ciera is such a strong woman and it just hurts me deeply to see her unfairly treated by the tribe. All she ever wants to do in this game is make big moves, and clearly her superior intellect and strategic capabilities were just too threatening for the rest of the tribe. I'd like to give a shout out to Malcolm who I believe should have pursued and possibly married Ciera and invited me to be their best friend.

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I love it when people talk about their fantasy sports teams and I tell them about my survivor fantasy team. They look at me like I'm an alien.

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Survivor Season 34 Episode 1 Notes




‣ always a heartbreaker to see cochran in the background of these clips, i miss u baybee


‣ lol love debbie’s leopard print leggings, perfect look for her



‣ jeff what are you doing out on that boat. it took all day to get you out there. now you have to stay the night there. theres ghosts too. but thats your fault.


‣ that buff around zeke’s neck looks so tight, i would hate that



‣ if i was on survivor i’d spend so long goofin off pretending these purple things are my penis theyd be the only thing i’d get off the boat


‣ lol i love you tony, what a madman


‣ cool, legacy advantage is fun





‣ poor tai




‣ is there any possible way tony can dig a hole big enough to get in? sound off in the comments below



‣ the season’s first “me irl”



‣ oh cool steampunk season


‣ i like this tie change a LOT


‣ real good challenge



‣ oh yeah fred flinstone wore his tie again


‣ michaela chill dude theyre not voting for you




‣ so this season is all pirates huh. because of malcolm looking like the boy in the pirate movie. i see your game, producer Matt Van Wagenen


‣ lol sandra is making such a great case which is an amazing reason to both keep her and crown her


‣ sandra naming this chapter after her favorite pokemon



‣ ok this was really weird..i dont know if anyone else caught this, but although michaela wrote ciera’s name down on her paper, she said “bye felicia”. the strangest thing about this is so far as i can tell there is no one named felicia on the cast this season. so was she confused? was she saying goodbye to the camerawoman? if so, why did they leave that in the edit?? i hope you enjoyed “greggy does a RSS bit”




‣ see michaela chill nobody wants you out or at least they didnt before you freaked out about someone saying your name one time


‣ man tony’s game will make for such a great season if this actually happens


‣ are you FUCKING KIDDING ME…tony’s crazy bullshit is paying off IMMEDIATELY!!


‣ its funny how he gets a little information and then goes out of his way to be weird


‣ i love sandra




‣ this is a very involved challenge


‣ tai is uh very good at uh working that snake ahahahahahhahaha



‣ Thanks Jeff. This Helps.



‣ malcolm gives the other team the finger like a sly seventh grader


‣ malcolm is such a goddam beast


‣ i kind of like that that team keeps losing, very good team for drama


‣ it would be great to see tony’s bald head grow out like a chia pet if he lasted long enough


‣ jeff: “we’re playing with fire”

caleb: “if you dont ever play with it you won’t ever know you can get burnt”

uh caleb this is not a good argument for playing with fire man


‣ rip tony, i love how into it he and sandra got, so wild


‣ lol wtf changing teams already??

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ok the frog was bugging me all night so i fixed him

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Week 2 Leaderboard



1) SaltPeanuts - 147 Points (+3 spots)

2) Joe McGurl - 141 Points (+2 spots)

3) Charlie - 135 Points (-1 spot)

4) Fabio (+2 spots) & MarcusIrving (-1 spot) - 125 Points

5) Adam - 124 points (-4 spots)

6) Ronniehog - 122 points (+3 spots)

7) JJPI (-2 spots) & FunnyBefore - 117 points

8) MarshallMellow - 115 points

9) Greggy - 113 points (-3 spots)

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Survivor Season 34 Episode 2 Notes



‣ if you truly cant believe tony was disposed of quickly your dumb as shit. sorry but its true


‣ i never knew zeke was religious

‣ i like 3 tribes


‣ yeah i got it, of course i got it

‣ man malcolm with a tool kit, ill be pissed if he doesnt build an entire primitive tech city

‣ i like brad, but he’s going to get fucked up if he tries to take out caleb with tai around


‣ damn, andrea is a ruthless intimidator, here she is miming breaking troyzan’s dick over her knee substituting a stick. very subtle but utterly emasculating

‣ the ol’ idol at the challenge gambit

‣ does providing food at camp really ever keep anyone safe?


‣ sandra is cold blooded, about to eat a baby goat

‣ hey guys if you think about it every goat is a mother father or has been a baby at some point

‣ damn, love a photo finish on


‣ troyzan hunkers down behind the puzzle table and pretends to completely work his business so everyone looks away in disgust, leaving a clear opportunity to grab the idol

‣ all the sharks in this season are a great visual metaphor. i havent figured out for what yet tho


‣ the lizard makes the rock look so delicious but i bet it isnt that good


‣ oh no, brad culpepper breaded tai and is going to deep fry him over the fire, run away tai

‣ a real game changer would be if your fire represented something else besides your life in the game. your move, jeff


‣ hali kind of looks like “crazy frog”

‣ damn,tai cares about chickens but not about lovers.

‣ my fantasy team is fucked lol, i bet aubry goes home next week

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