Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
nosebear

What would be the opening line of your stand up routine.

Recommended Posts

"I found a hundred dollars today! *wait for applause* But, it was a counterfeit hundred dollars. But, when I looked closer I saw it was made of diamonds. But, they were counterfeit diamonds."

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

And what is the deal with opening bits? Am I right? The comedians know what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Share this post


Link to post

BOOOOOOOOOM THERE GOES THE NEIGHBOURHOOD!!!!!

But like, where would it go? i mean really, ha ha, where would a neighbourhood go...to....i have no idea. ANYWAYS

Share this post


Link to post

Let me start by thanking (name the guy who was on just before) for that flashdrive with kiddie porn. Really good shit, man! Thanks!

Share this post


Link to post

Sorry I'm not in the best mood. My aunt just killed herself. See, I have this ant farm... well, anyway, right next to it is the gun she shot herself with. I'm just messing around, she hung herself. Anyways,...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Camden, New Jersey! Make some noise!

Share this post


Link to post

The sign at the drive-through says "smiles are free." I'm going to shoot worthlessness all over your faces.

Share this post


Link to post

Camden, New Jersey! Make some noise!

Holy shit, you're from Camden? I live in Fishtown!

Share this post


Link to post

So what do you guys think about this electoral season? Can-I-Dayt more like Can-Di-Dayt. Its a commonly mispronounced word

Share this post


Link to post

So I left my child unattended in a hobby shop hoping he would be given an espresso and sold to a puppy for slave labor...

Share this post


Link to post

Were you even aware that female Anglo mutts could possess a stand-up comedy gene? No? Prepare to have your mind blown, fuckers!

Share this post


Link to post
Sign in to follow this  

×