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Prospective titles for a sequel to Hitch?

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Couple eppiepens ago we brainstormed some Hitch Sequels like "Hitch 2: The Return of Jafar" or "102 Dalmatians... Hitch, part 2." Shit like that, anyone have a good one? We're (figuratively) fucking dying here. Hitch out!

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Thought of some horror titles this morning:

House on Haunted Hitch, Seed of Hitch, The Blair Hitch Project, Sleepaway Hitch, hITch, I Still Know What Hitch Did Last Summer, Hitch of Frankenstein, Bram Stoker's Hitch.

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Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hitch

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Johnny, I think that would only work if Will Smith played both Hitches. Obv.

How about some rom-coms(keeping with the theme of the first golden classic gem of a film)? Four Hitch Weddings and a Funeral? Three Hitches and a Baby (or the anti Three Hitches and a Baby, Three Babies and a Hitch (this would save a fortune on CGI)?) St. Hitches Fire? Failure to Hitch? Life as We Know Hitch?

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Haha, love the Christopher Hitchens idea, but I cannot believe no one has suggested: "Hitch 2: Electric Boogaloo"

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Hitch 2: The Hitchening or Hitch 2: Re-Entry. Electric Bugaloo was just too obvious I think. You can attach it I the end of anything though and boy is it a zinger 100% of the time.

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Hitch 2: The Hitchening or Hitch 2: Re-Entry. Electric Bugaloo was just too obvious I think. You can attach it I the end of anything though and boy is it a zinger 100% of the time.

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Hitch 2: The Hitchening

 

Exterior: Rockefeller Center

 

Crowded, hot-hazy summer day, humidity is causing a notable depression on the citizens of New York. Various overweight midwestern tourist men have gone from having one button to two buttons undone on their travel polos. Women fan themselves with magazines (potential product placement?!) everyone walks slouched over like they just found out the girl that loved them left, no one's happy.

 

Kid with an ice cream cone that melts just as he tries to lick it: "WAAAAAAA.."

 

Angry tourist in American flag shirt(James Carville?): "My lawdy it's hot as a vietcong death camp tampon wastebasket out here! I declare!"

 

Enter Hitch, casually strolling through the scene of apocalyptic summer wilting the world into an eye-stinging mess of sweat and dried snot-sting. Hitch walks without a care in the world, an ephemeral light boosts through him, around him. The halo of casual cool is so pervasive that the previous misery of the scene is uplifted in a five meter radius of him, every step he takes it's like a bed of roses, of love is laid down. Every person and animal he passes becomes a part of his positivity and warmth, or shall we say cool.

 

Hitch: (exclaiming to the whole scene, the whole city) "Come on New York! I know it's hot, but you can't let that get you down, it's time to chill... with love!"

 

 

Groups of pigeons take flight in the kerfuffle. The previously downtrodden citizens and tourists all start to get a spring in their step, a nerd takes his glasses off and sees the girl who is too-hot-but-not-too-too-hot to be working at the book store across the street, they make coy eye contact. An old couple starts spontaneously dancing. A young guy steps off his skateboard to help a businesswoman collect papers she has dropped in her big hurry, they exchange knowing and romantic glances.

 

Hitch: (exclaiming louder and more brazen than before) "For I AM THE ONE... TRUE.... LORDDDDDD!"

 

The crowd: (chanting) "Hitch! Hitch! Hitch!

 

Hitch: (looks into camera) "Aww yeah, and now y'all gonna get Hitched 2 The Hitcheninged!"

 

 

Interior: Kevin James' Character's Apartment

 

Kevin James' Character: "Hey Eva Mendes' character, we've both been really tired since that soul train dance off at the end of our wedding, yesterday. Are you wondering how Hitch is doing?"

 

Eva Mendes' Character: "Of course, I can't help but feel lost with out such an amazing hero! Hitch is really humble and cool and he leads us and guides us to be who we are and be okay with that, pobrecito. I wonder if we'll get Hitch 2 the Hitcheninged or not."

 

Kevin James' Character: "I bet we totally will," (he starts dancing at the thought)

 

Enter Hitch , he shuts the door which cancels out the noise of the screaming throngs that are quite loud as he enters.

 

Hitch: "Aww hail naw! you've gotta dance better than that buddy!"

 

~~begin hour long dance off to a uptempo version of "Don't worry be Happy"~~~

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I was very inspired today. So without further adieu (that's a line from Hitch!)

 

Hitch Scared Stupid, Slam Dunk Hitch, Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Hitch, Tyler Perry's House of Payne Presented by Tyler Perry and Written by Tyler Perry and Hitch. Hitch Rides Again, Hitch the Pirate, Hitchtar. It's a Mad Mad Mad World, Hitch!

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Hitch 3: Th3 R3-Hitch3ning: Down Und3r

 

 

Cast:

 

Hitch: The motherfucking MAN.

Crocodile Dundee: Crocodile Dundee

Kevin James: Kevin James' Character from the previous Hitches

Natalie Imbruglia: Dropin, unexplained replacement to Eva Mendes' Character because of budgetary reasons and the fact that she probably wasn't up to too much anyways.

 

EVERYONE IN AUSTRALIA: EVERYONE IN AUSTRALIA

 

Exterior: Ayer's Rock on Australia Day

 

Hitch, Crocodile Dundee, Kevin James' Character and Eva Mendes' Character (Imbruglia) are all racing up Ayer's rock.

 

CD:

"Hey Mates! I'm a pollywoggin' mah way up this rock the foistest!

 

Hitch:

" Awww Hellnaw! I'ma climb this rock the fastest!"

 

Eva Mendes'(Imbruglia):

"Que lastima pobrecito, don't climb so fast!

 

Kevin James' Character:

"Here we go again!"

 

 

Exterior Sydney Opera House, still Australia Day. The parade of Austrailian heritage is fervent, really fucking fervent. Crocodile Dundee is the Honorary Grand Marshall, along with Hitch, they both wear sashes that say "Co-Grand Marshall" They ride in an open top (insert name of make and model of whichever auto maker gives us the most money) Kevin James' Character and Eva Mendes' Character(Imbruglia) watch with the glint of delight in their eyes as the procession with their two close friends/personal heroes are given such outstanding honorifics.

 

A Conversation in the car between Hitch and CD:

 

CD: "Oi, Hitch, you are truly a wonderful and handsome man, how do I love again?"

 

Hitch:

"It's easy man, just open your heart and be who you really are, and love will find you! Hellyaw!"

 

CD:

"Wow, Hitch, you've doozled my sheila-seekin loik a true gennelman of 'stroya, yore the real Grand Marshall of 'stroya doy"

 

Hitch:

"Hailnaw! See these people here? They love you, you are the man that all Australian culture is based on. Without you, no Australia! No Australia, No Australia DAY! Now c'mon man! Smile, I bet your "sheila" is here today! Bloke!

 

CD:

"You're wise as ol' chuck Kangaroo!"

 

In the crowd of parade-goers, Eva Mendes'(Imbruglia) and Kevin James' look on, there's an inexplicable gap in the crowd which is somehow also quiet that allows them to have a pretty wide berth for gesticulation and conversation.

 

Kevin James' Character:

Wow! Eva Mendes' (Imbruglia) Character! It looks like old Croc' Dundee just got Hitch 3: R3-Hitch3ning3d: Down Und3r3d!

 

Eva Mendes' (Imbruglia):

You are right mi novio, I think everyone is back in love, for the tres time, in this hemisphere now so we can go back to New York and love and stuff!

 

Kevin James' Character (dancing excitedly (as only he can!)):

Let's shake a groove feather!

 

Camera Pans out to show all of Australia

 

EVERYONE IN AUSTRALIA:

Let's all shake a groove feather! Hooray Hitch! Hooray Love! HOORAY HITCH AND LOVE!

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Hitch 5: Me and Hitch Have a Brief Falling Out Relating to Confusion Over Concert Tickets and Patch Things Up at a "Fast Casual" Style Restaurant

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